What would you do?

mofe · November 2009

Our good friends T and J are getting divorced. They had issues for a while but T started kind of liking someone from work and J refused to work on any of his issues. Anyway they have lots of issues and decide to call it quits. M and I are good friends with both so we are trying to just stay out of it. We listen when they need someone to talk to, but don't tell T what J says and vice versa.

J called me last night upset and hurt that I didn't share with him that T is staying with the guy from her work. I said that she confided in me and that if he wants to know where she is staying he should ask her. I said I don't want to be in the middle so I didn't say anything as I didn't feel it was my place to. In the end he appologized to me for being upset with me and that it wasn't my fault for not telling him.

Would you have told J that T was staying with her new "friend"? They are not divorced and are in the process of divorcing (I don't agree that she is staying there, but she's an adult and can make her own choices).

mofe · November 2009

bueller?

keb270 · November 2009

I think you did the right and mature thing in the case. You don't want to be in the middle so telling things to the other side would only put you there. I have seen friendships ruined in breakups but it sounds like you and DH are doing the right thing to try and preserve your relationship with each of them.

mofe · November 2009

Thanks. It's just hard to see one of them hurt when you know the other is doing something that you don't agree with.

LarkNow · November 2009

No. It's nunya. Like you said, if he wants to know where she is, he can ask.

Junebug060609 · November 2009

I've been in that position, and I did exactly what you did. Same reasoning and everything.

luckycooky · November 2009

I wouldn't tell either. It really is between them. DH's cousin went through a similar situation this spring and really needed people that he could trust. The only way to do that is to not get in the middle.

hawkilady · November 2009

I think you did the right thing - I would want to stay out of it as much as possible. It sucks that they are putting you in the middle.

RedZee · November 2009

I agree. Stay out of it and as far from it as you can. You also don't want their issues to get between you and your husband. As in, you agree with J and he agrees with T and blah blah blah. And good for you for telling your friend that you're not going to get in the middle of it. It sucks they're going through this, but no good will come from you getting involved.

mofe · November 2009

Thanks for the advice

What would you do?

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