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Upset with friend - WWYD? (long)
So every year, my husband and I have a Christmas party at our house. It is always on the Friday before Christmas. This would be our 5th year having it. All of our friends know when it is in advance since it is always the same day of the year.
So last week I get an email from a friend asking if we are having it this year. She didn't know if we would have it since Charlotte will be so young. She said that it happened that this year the party was falling on her husband's birthday, so if we weren't going to have it, they would have a party.
I emailed her back and told her that we were planning on having the party. I mentioned we could do somethings at the party to celebrate his birthday and if she had any ideas, to let me know. I didn't hear back from her.
So this morning I check my email and I have two emails - one from her hubby and then one from her. The one from her husband is an invite to a birthday party - on the date of our party (we haven't sent out our invites yet - planned on doing that today). The second email is from my friend with a long, ridiculous explanation of why they were having the party the day we planned our party.
So now I don't know what to do. We aren't going to have our party now. We obviously can't have it the same night. The guest lists are similar although not totally the same, but I have no intention of trying to compete now that they sent out their invite first. It seems to juvenile. There is no other date that works to hold our party another night. So I guess we are just cancelling this year.
I am really disappointed that they did this. I wouldn't be so upset if she had let me know prior to sending out the invite. That just seems underhanded.
So how do I respond to her email?
Re: Upset with friend - WWYD? (long)
I guess what I would say would depend on the long ridiculous explanation she gave for having the party on the same date you were planning your party. I would be really hurt too. That totally sucks.
Are you super close with them or could you still have a smaller version of your party? The other potential guests for both parties are probably really confused now because they have conflicting invites. Also if there are quite a few guests who would only be coming to your party, you could still have a party, or maybe they could be invited to your friend's birthday?? (Depends on how they know one another or if you're the mutual acquaintance).
wow. bummer. I'm really disappointed for you too. I know what it's like to set a date but not send out invites yet, because I do the same for parties too. I would be so peeved if someone beat me to it!
I agree with Andrea. It's hard to know how to respond without knowing her reasons. But if they are ridiculous as you say they are, I would just be up front and tell her how hurt you are and that you don't understand why she would do that. I'd do it in person or on the phone - I think email is tough.
Also, would you consider having the party in January? It's usually a really low key month and might be a nice pick me up for you and your friends.
I agree with Andrea and CBL (we are such a nice board!
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My mom's office had their Christmas Party in January one year after everyone got back from vacation because they couldn't find anything that was free before people started leaving. And it was a small office so they didn't want to leave anyone out. She said it was the best party ever because everyone just relaxed without worrying about what they needed to get done and they swapped holiday stories. After that they all made the January party a regular event.
That said, I'm sorry your friend did this. I'd be ticked.
I agree with kmap's idea of having a January party! I also have a friend who has been having a Christmas party every year for the past 12 years, but there was one year that we just couldn't find a date before Christmas. So, we had it in the new year and it was equally nice to get together with everyone.
I can't offer any thoughts on how to respond without knowing the details of why she had to have her party on the same day, so all I can say right now is that you don't HAVE to hold on to "tradition" so firmly to still have a nice celebration.
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I would be hella pissed because it seems that she was sneaky about it. She asked you first and you clearly said you were going to have the party but she went ahead and planned one anyways.
I like the idea of a January party. I would make sure everyone knows that you don't want to conflict with the birthday party so for this year you are moving it (just in case she thinks you will do this every year).
I can understand them wanting to do the party on his birthday...however, I agree that not mentioning it to you prior to the invite was pretty crappy since you'd already had conversations about it and generously offered to combine a celebration with your party.
I would be upset too but I think the best thing to do though is to be the bigger person and leave it be. So either a.) have your party anyhow and graciously decline their invite -- I have several times been to two parties on the same night -- could you stagger the timeframe a bit? or b.) accept the invite, go to his bday party, enjoy and do your party a different date either before or after the holidays.
Sorry for your disappointment though
I would be pissed!!! She asked you if you were going to have the party. I would just send out invites anyways and put on them 5th annual friday before christmas party! She wants to play that way fine, so be it. For those that are close friends who may also know her I would include with the invite sorry for the double invite but this had already been planned and invites were almost ready to go when you recieved the email about the other party even though you already told friend you would be having the party this year on the planned date. I am kind of spiteful like that though....
Want to be really sneaky? Mail out all the invites, make sure they get into the mailboxes by sunday night so they start delivery monday, and say that they were already in the mail when you were suprised by the email invite to the birthday party.
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I would still have the party, on the day you planned. some people are probably looking really forward to it, and would be disappointed if you didn't have it. Why should you cancel it just because some people have to either go to 2 things, or pick one or the other?
Graciously decline her invite, thank her for inviting you, but as you had previously discussed you will be having your annual Christmas party that night.