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XP-family vent (long)
I have no one else to whine to about this except for DH and he's not that into listening about this....
back story-my parents were married 28yrs before they got divorced. Basically my Dad cheated on my Mom a few times-honestly she should have left him years ago but anyways....this was 6 years ago (a few mos before I met DH) and I resented my Dad a lot for it. He very quickly started dating the last woman he cheated on my Mom with. He wanted me to meet her and I refused. To me she was a homewrecker and I wanted nothing to do with her. Dad and I (and DH) met for lunch one day and he brought her without asking me, forcing me to meet her-I was pissed but went along with it. Anyways, they live together and have been for probably 5yrs now-we see her pretty much whenever we see my Dad. I'm nice to her and all just because.
Well, today my Dad calls and we're chatting-he tells me he started xmas shopping and that he bought said girlfriend an engagement ring! I'm the only person who knows and he doesn't plan on telling anyone else. I didnt act happy or mad towards him. I got off the phone with him and DD was refusing to nap so I went up and rocked her in her chair and cried a good 10min. I should be happy for him that he's happy but theres just a part of me that thinks he doesnt deserve to be happy. Here's my Mom-6yrs later and single-never has dated since my Dad left. She's the one who deserves to be happy (and she claims she is) and it sucks. I never pictured my family to be like this-I thought they'd be together forever and we'd be one happy family....it just really sucks it didn't turn out that way and it makes things just so complicated (as does every divorce). I have no idea how I'll deal with their wedding-no idea. Sorry this is long and probably like so many other people out there but I'm just bummed about it today-life just sucks sometimes.
Oh, and how do I break this news to my Mom??
Re: XP-family vent (long)
That is tough.. I have not been in that situation. One of my close friends said she found that her dad was cheating with grad students for years (he was a professor), and that is how her parents split. He didn't stay with any of those girls but he did marry a much younger woman. I remember her saying how devastated she was.
You don't have to feel unconditionally happy about this! The right thing would have been for your dad to be truthful with your mom, not cheating on her and doing something devastating like that
I can't relate directly.. but my FIL dumped his GF of like 10 years by just leaving her, without even telling her. Like not coming home kind of thing. He still never told her why he broke up with her.. so there is so much resentment there. I do feel like his GF deserved so much better if he was just going to be an a$$ like that, but I still really resent him for doing that to her. Family is not disposable like that - even if you think a relatinoship is over, you can at least be honest and upfront about feelings and have open communication. I think now DH and I sort of subconsciously also resent FIL's new GF because he spends all his time with her instead of holidays with us and stuff... he doesn't even visit his grandchildren. Whatever... I'm rambling.
I think it is totally normal to feel those resentments.. your family - not just your mom - was hurt by your dad's actions. And it shows a lot that you make the effort to be nice and spend time with your dad and his GF. I don't know how you should tell your mom... sorry you have to be the bearer of the news
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