November 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I really need to get out of this funk.
I'm having a Debbie Downer day sorry.
I'm tired and mildly depressed today. I want my bed.
Re: I really need to get out of this funk.
You and Wendi need a box of wine.
Any reason as to why or do you just have the Monday Blues?
Hope your day gets better.
I am really sick and tired of agruing with M. It's just ridiculous, and to be honest, after last night's fiasco I am really starting to wonder if this whole thing will just end up in divorce someday. I could very well be over thinking it, but I'm just so done with it. My husband is just a sh*thead. (though I'm not denying I have issues of my own)
I'm sorry you having such a rough day. It seems to be a bad Monday =(. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.
*Sends hugs your way*
I hope it gets better and I hope that he stops bein' such a sh!thead.
I'm sorry you had/have such a crappy night/day. I don't know what the argument was about (if it's in another post, I haven't seen it yet), but you're right, noone should have to put up with that behavior... You should tell him that.
Big hugs, sweetie!!
Hmmm, sounds like we married the same man. We had a terrible weekend and have been feeling the same way....
I am so sorry too.
I cursed at DH once (this weekend actually), not calling him anything but I am pretty short tempered these days and he wanted my opinion on something and I yelled "I don't care! If you want to call the electrician, just call the fvcking electrician". To which point he just stopped and said, "OK, lets just take a step back and relax, there is no reason to curse at me about this" and it really did help me to just relax (of course then I started bawling because I am emotionally unstable, but that's another story). Would it work if you did something like that in an agrument? Or do things just get too heated? I totally undertand if they do, notice I am the one being told to calm down, not the other way around.
D and I have these exact kind of arguments. I am one hot-headed bee-eye-tea-sea-h. We finally had to sit down and have a convo that 1. those things are beyond hurtful and aren't easy to forget. and 2. they should just be removed from our vocabulary since our future children WILL NOT say things like that to me our eachother. Does M realize how hurtful those things are to you?
I have always tried the whole "lets take some time to chill out and calm down then talk" route, but he takes that as I'm trying to get away from the issue and not deal with it. He will usually say if we can't talk about right that second then we aren't talking at all and he's not having that type of speech, whatver.
The agrument: I had originally been talking to MIL about what to get our niece for Christmas, I had asked if she knew was SIL had already bought for her, she said that she wasn't telling anyone. Now M is USUALLY not the type to go shopping because he hates it, so I usually offer to go out shopping for gifts, etc. because I love shopping. I went to TRU Saturday with my friend to look around to price little kitchen sets and a couple other "big" ideas we came up with, I found one, but didn't end up getting it because I then found a Micky Mouse one (she LOVES MM). So I got that, the Clubhouse and a grow with me trike. M calls my phone while I was at the store (he had to work that day) and asked where I was, I told him and he got "offended" because I didn't ask him if he wanted to go because he "always goes Christmas shopping" (aside from getting gifts for me, he NEVER does because he hates it). I apologize and long story short there, all is forgiven and forgotten. I told him that his mom wanted to go half and half, he had no issues with it. I then told him how she wanted to put everything from Santa (him nor I want to do that because we feel that's up to the parents to do that). I hadn't told her that yet though. Anyway, SIL already had bought that specific kitchen for her, she told me when she saw me bringing it in. I didn't have an issue with returning it to get something else. I told him about it and he said "Well didn't you talk to J before going" I say no and he said "well all you people need to learn to talk around here, it's not our responsibility to return something we buy for her kid if she already bought it and we didn't know it cause you didn't ask". ANYWHO, to try and shorten this up more, we went out yesterday to finish Christmas shopping for her, I was unaware that MIL wanted to still go half on what we bought, I thought it was just for what I had bought the day prior. Needless to say when I got home I showed her what we got so she could pick out what she wanted to go half on since she said she had a budget. She wants to go half on everything since our budget was $100. So, M and i thought we were done shopping for her, but now we aren't because MIL wants to go half on everything so we really only spent $50. M says he MUST have all his shopping done in 1 day.
Basically he's p!ssed off because he "has" to go out and get more gifts and is blaming MIL and me. Because this didn't happen "his way" pretty much. I am a "brouser" (sp?) shopper, he's an in and get the fluck out shopper, he HATES shopping with me because "i'm slow" he said he only went with me yesterday out of pity because he knows I would like for us to be able to go shopping together. I TOLD him he could take $50 and I would take $50 and we could each go out alone and do whatever, but he wasn't happy with that, he wanted me to change my shopping habits to please him, fluck you I say, I'm not changing my life for him.
I told him it was uncalled for, I even told him I wasn't going to talk to him while/if he was going to talk to me like that. Like I said, he insists it's fulling called for DURING the fight, but when it's all calmed down, he realizes it's wrong and apologizes and kisses my azz. I don't want him kissing my azz, I want it to stop. All of it, the name calling, the "shut up"s the yelling, all of it. We are adults for God sakes.
Wow, I'm sorry you had such a huge fight over something so little. M is really being a d!ck.
I agree with Karrey, you need to point out things he says and tell him how hurtful it is. When you're in an arguement and he tells you your fvcking stupid, you need to just stop and say, "Listen, it is fine for us to argue as a married couple bc we will have disagreements and we will upset one another. But calling me fvcking stupid is beyond an arguement, no matter how big the matter. Do you not understnad that makes me feel like Sh!t? Do you not get that your words are hurtful? And even if you say it and apologize later, it was still said. It still is out there and it still hurts."
Hopefully that will get him to stop.
Here in lies MY issues. I have problems talking to him because I constantly think he's going to get mad, flip out, start a fight, not listen, whatever have you. That's our big thing, well I should say MY big thing, communication. If he gets mad, for instance like last night, just so he'll quiet down and I don't have to hear it, I will back off and just let him talk and let it go, I never say my feelings, for the most part, don't get me wrong, it's not like I sit there like a mute, I talk, but I don't tell him the "real" stuff. I think in most part because it just gets SO tiring because he doesn't back down on ANYTHING until who ever it is he's arguing with agrees with him (though he calls it understanding where he's coming from) and he MUST have the last word, always. I can't sit there arguing with someone and tell them how I feel if it's opposite to what they're arguing if they aren't going to just agree to disagree, to me, it's pointless and it will go no where.
Same time I can understand what he means when he says he's gets mad when I call him controlling because he "gives me more freedom than most men do with their wives", he "treats me like gold" yes, he does have his moments, but he says I can't call him controlling if the only time I am willing to put my foot down and say that "this is what I want" is when I'm mad at him. Like he will always ask if we go out to eat "Where would you like to go" I NEVER make up my mind, he makes all the decisions so he says that makes him LOOK controlling. He doesn't tell me where I can go, who I can talk to, etc. BUT to me it's just a time control issue he has, and I tried explaining that to him last night and he just wasn't getting it, I tried telling him that I feel like he thinks things must get done when HE wants them done, when HE's ready for it, etc. or there'll be hell to pay. Like the whole Christmas gift thing, EVERY YEAR we give the SAME THING to EVERYONE, money in a card. To me, wtf is the thought in that? He says the thought is in the card, because time was taken out to "pick a good one out" and that "everyone would rather have money, I would rather someone give me money than buy me something I don't want" I say "YOU may want that, but who says someone just wouldn't like a thoughtful gift, after all that's what's supposed to count right?" I then told him it's because he's a spoiled brat (total truth in that, he really is) he said that's not the reason he told me to ask anyone I want if they would rather receive a gift of an object or money. I asked 3 people, his mother, my friend and another friend, all 3 said money is boring to receive after so many times. I don't know I could be wrong but to me, it looks cheap to just hand someone money in a card EVERY holiday or birthday. The same amount everytime.
God, now I'm just rambling about nothing. Sorry.
You have your Debbie Downer day and enjoy it!
Our first snow really hit our kids moods hard. No one in our school building had a normal day today. Some of our teachers got to work 2 hours late because of the icy roads! That's not normal for Indiana! We're used to it, so this was weird.
I hope your afternoon is going better.
Ok, if my husband told me that he "gives me more feedom than most men do with their wives", he'd be on his own. You know why you let him make decisions on things like where to eat? Because it's not important. He's being really immature about this.
I think maybe you should think about counseling. I know it's not for everyone, but it might be good to talk things over with a third party.