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it's getting to me (vent)
On Saturday, I had a full-fledged panic attack. I haven't seen one of those in years.
The new job is wonderful but is NONSTOP and full of politic-ing. Then I come home to wonderful but boisterous baby and a messy house with barely enough energy to handle one or the other. And because it's December, all my weekends are gone.
Saturday was just the icing on the cake. I was supposed to meet my aunt at my sisters before my aunt flies back to VA. Nobody told me what time. I call my aunt ...to find out that a OLD family friend is in the emergency room (everything's ok). Aunt still wants to meet up. Every couple of hours she calls and delays by a couple of hours. So the whole day I'm sitting and waiting for these freeking calls and I can't get anything else done.
Finally, she says tomorrow. J and I decide to go out to dinner. Then aunt calls back and wants to come to dinner after all. Then she wants to change the restaurant and I tell her no. GAH!
So whenever I'm stressed, if there's any getting dolled up involved, that's inevitably when I have a breakdown. In that moment, I hate my clothes, my skin, my hair. I can't make sense of anything. I feel crazy and angry and ill. And since this is my very very conservative aunt...I didn't have a glass of wine before we left the house for lack of time and fear that she'd smell it.
J wasn't much help. I told him I felt ill and he asked how he could help...but FAIL. We have tons of cute outfits for the baby, and I find her strapped into her car seat in boy's pj's (hand-me down). I just had to give that one up. Then he wanted to sit in the parking lot trying to fix our fritzy GPS instead of going into the restaurant to wait. He sees that I'm manic, and yet he questions everything I do. Why are you getting out of the car? Why are you bringing the high chair cover into the restaurant? Why does the baby need a hat? Why did you bring the GPS into the house? How often do you take it off the charger? Dude. Shut. Up.
I really hope that I can handle this job. I certainly enjoy it while I'm doing it. I feel like I'm being pulled apart, though. I guess it will slow down once I'm not so new at it.
I just want to get off this tilt-a-whirl for a minute.
Re: it's getting to me (vent)
Oh, dear, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed!
I think maybe you need to have a good talk with J so he helps out more. You know, get some house work done instead of playing games while Sweetface sleeps, that kind of thing. He needs to be more supportive with that if it's stressing you out so much, especially since you are the bread winner in a new job.
And definitely take at least a couple of hours every weekend for yourself. No family commitments, just either you time, or you and J and Sweetface time. So you'll be late to a few events, so what. Your sanity is far more important here!
Big hugs, sweetie!
This time of the year is extra stressful. If I lived closer I would come swoop you and sweetface up. You could veg out and sweetface and I could online shop or pass judgement on random strangers.
Hang in there things will start to slow down for you soon.
I hope that it gets better soon and that the hubs starts being a little bit smarter about what he does.
At least you can look at Sweetface and smile right?
Thanks girls. I am so happy to count on you!
I forgot to mention that I cut my hair. That's how you know something is going on ...in my family, the girls all cut or dye their hair.
Ack! I just saw this. Not sure how I missed it earlier. Bless your sweet heart. I don't know how you do it. Your days are so long and I just cant even fathom not wanting to strangle J every day when you get home. lol
Hopefully the tilt-a-whirl slow down soon and allow you to catch your breath and figure out a way that it all works in sync. In the meantime, we are here. I agree with Code, if I were closer I would be more than happy to scoop you up with a bottle of wine and let you drink till I smelled it coming out of your pores.
P.S. I cut or dye my hair when things get sh!tty too.