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WWYD?
My sister has gained a lot of weight. She's getting really big. She's actually larger now than she was when she was pregnant with her last child and she had 3 right in a row and never lost any weight in between. I'm trying to figure out how to nudge her in the right direction without being mean and saying "Sis, you are fat!" which I would never ever do, of course.
I've invited her to go to the gym with me but she won't (says she doesn't have time). I've offered to give her recipes for healthy meals that I make (or even make enough to share with her and her family) but she refuses to accept. I've sent her invites to sparkpeople and she never responds.
So what would you do? She's got to do something. She's probably 2 inches taller than me and weighs at least 60 pounds more than I do right now.
Re: WWYD?
I don't think there is much you can do. If you push too much, you are going to end up pissing her off. I think you can keep offering for her to come with to the gym or give her recipies for meals you like but only she alone can make the decision for her to loose weight.
I'm sure she knows she is at her largest now and would like for it to come off but at the same time, it sound slike she's not ready to commit to get it off at this point in time.
I'm afraid if I keep pushing she will get REALLY mad at me. She has the tendency to do that when she thinks I'm butting in where I shouldn't (which, sometimes I do). I saw a pic of her this morning and she was next to a girl who she used to be the same size as and it was scary to see the difference.
But I can't make her stop eating fast food every day (at least 2 meals a day). I'm thinking if I can turn it to being concerned for her kids, it might work. None of them are getting fat but with those eating habits my guess is it's only a matter of time.
I think the most you can do is keep asking her if she wants to join you at the gym or if she wants copies of your recipes. Anymore than that and you risk pissing her off and killing any relationship you have with her.
You can try framing it as being concerned for her health, but all she's going to hear is "You're a fatass" and if she's not ready to actually make the changes necessary, it will kill her (emotionally and mentally).
I know you have good intentions and you are genuinely worried for her, but it isn't your place to "push." She has a mirror and she has clothes that she's had to replace - she's not completely stupid. Weight is such a touchy topic, and speaking as someone who is overweight, it would hurt more than I could put into words if someone approached me about that.
.: Diary of a Recovering Runner :.
ITA. I'm the overweight sister in my family and if, even out of concern, someone came to me and started saying I should lose some weight, get healthier, etc, I'd be PISSED but I'd also be truly crushed.
Unfortunately, when someone isn't ready to take on something like losing weight, eating better, living a healthier lifestyle, there's not a damn thing you (or anyone) can do to "nudge them."
Short of seeing if you can get her on Jillian Michael's new show next year where she divebombs your house for a week or two, nothing will force her to do anything she's not ready to do. Even the week or two with Jillian won't sink in unless it's something your sister is ready to take on.
I still stand by my original statement. You can ask her if she's feeling all right, etc b/c 20+ lbs in a month isn't normal...maybe she has some kind of health problem, but I wouldn't point out the weight.
You weigh 60 lbs less than her. I promise you, you'll look like a skinny, judgmental little biitch....your good intentions won't even matter.
.: Diary of a Recovering Runner :.
I completely agree with Val, I am overweight and if anyone, especially my much skinnier sister said something i would be really mad and upset.
It's not your place to say anything, she will change when she is ready.
I hadn't actually put this in context of my much skinnier sister saying something to me, but I assure you, even if she had nothing but the purest, most honest intentions, I'd react so very unkindly back at her with unveiled anger and be pissed for an infinite amount of time.
Val said it best - you're the skinny sister, she's not. No matter how you say it, she's going to feel like you're ragging on her and don't get it. 20 pounds in a month or two is abnormal, but nothing you can do about it. I assure you, though, she FEELS how tight her clothes are.
Weight is such a touchy subject, especially with women. I agree with the others that you will come off has the ***. If I had someone say something about my weight I don't know that I'd be mad, but I would be crushed emotionally. I know I have a problem with my weight but it's going to take me making that final decision to lose it and keep it off.
Maybe you can invite the family over for dinner and make a really healthy meal that you think is easy to make and tastes great. Make extra and hopefully they will love it and you can offer to send the leftovers home with her and give her the recipe. I wouldn't even mention how it's healthy but maybe on how easy it is to cook. With the new year coming maybe she will make a resolution to lose weight and you can be there to support her. All you can do is be her support when she's ready. If you push too hard it may make her gain weight and delay her making that ultimate decision to lose it.
I have never (and would never) tell my sister that I think she's fat. That would definitely be mean. It just seems like everytime I say "Want to go to the gym?" her response is "Oh, I'm meeting X at Pizza Hut" or something similiar. Apparently last night my mom asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she said some new clothes. Mom asked why and she said "Because things are getting tight." Mom then said "Well, you know, your sister has been helping me workout and lose weight, I'm sure she'd help you" and my sis said "Nah, I'll just buy bigger clothes."
I'm thinking she's depressed and just eating for comfort now. That is worrying me even more than the weight gain.