Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
More advice needed (MIL related)
So, I go back to work in a little less than a month. This Tuesday we are telling our ILs about our decision to go with the day care center rather than the babysitter that they recommended.
In addition to this, I think it would be a good time to tell my MIL that she will NOT be watching Hunter every day when she gets off work. It started with the idea that she would watch him 2-3 days a week; lately she has been making comments about M,T,F will be "Hunter and Grandma days" and W,TH will be "Hunter, my niece, and Grandma days." Which I am not 100% comfortable with because:
1. We have to pay a minimum amount of hours at the day care and I feel like if she watched him for 2 hours 5 days a week, we'd be below the requirement, so we'd be paying for him to be there when he's not.
2. She smokes, not in the house, but in her car. She lives about 5 mins from the day care so he wouldn't be exposed to that much smoke, but the less, the better.
3. My niece goes to Grandma and cries for Grandma because MIL has her so much and when she is there. I really don't want this for Hunter. This weekend I was over there doing laundry and I was really glad that Hunter wouldn't calm down for her and would only calm down once I took him. I honestly feel horrible for my SIL because her kid always prefers my MIL.
So, the dilemma is my ladies, how do I tell MIL "thanks, but no thanks." In the politest way possible. My inclination is to go with the whole "we paid for this many hours" thing. Any advice appreciated, even if you just tell me to chill the f* out and stop stressing about stupid things.
Re: More advice needed (MIL related)
What does J think about this? Would he be willing the take the lead in that conversation? (I think he should be the one doing must of the talking, since it's his mom)
I think I agree with this. Not that I could ever get DH to have an unpleasant conversation with his mom, so good luck! Stand your ground if she gets upset about it.
I wish. Unfortunately we have such a good relationship with our ILs that it will probably be a joint discussion...but you're right, I might let him take the lead/bring it up and go from there.
Or we could just win the lottery and the point would be moot, right?
LOL, right!
Yeah, I would say agree on what you want to say. I think the hours and the smoke are perfectly good points. I don't remember where I read this, so don't quote me on it but maybe you can look it up, but you're not supposed to be near a baby 5 minutes after you smoke a cigarrette. May be something to use...
So agree with J on what to say, let him lead but don't be afraid to be vocal about it too, and stand your ground. It's your child, so will have to understand.
Good luck!
I would just say something like, "I know we said we might need you to take Hunter a couple days a week in the afternoon, but after working out a few details with the Day Care center we've chosen, I don't think we'll need you to do that. We went with the Day Care center because it was the best fit for us, but we do have to have him in there for a minimum number of hours. But now I'm happy that you can just take him once in a while and it will be more of "fun time" for you two instead of you having to watch him on a regular basis."
Or something that's firm and decisive but also still friendly and like you want her to take him once in a while. I wouldn't mention anything about money, I'd just make it seem like he needs to be there a certain number of hours a week in order to enroll there and not say anything about you guys "paying for nothing" or whatnot because I feel like she could come back with an objection on that.
Also, I'd be nervous about #3 too, I don't blame you!