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Have you noticed that after a few years...
Have you ever noticed that after a few years of marriage that your sex life slowly depletes, unless you do something about it? My husband and I have been married for 3 years and after a while it is the same old same old. Does anyone out there have any tricks of the trade on spicing things up or any ways to try and fit it into a busy schedule with full time jobs, two kids and a boat load of house work?
I mean don't get me wrong my husband still is quite the man in bed, but I feel like after a few years the spark has just fizzled out and there is no more lust. Does that mean I don't want my man? NO Does that mean I do not find him sexy? NO But it does mean that he doesn't ravish me the way he once did and that he no longer finds it neccessary to wine and dine me before the deed!
Does anyone else feel this way????
Thanks much
XoXo~Megan
Re: Have you noticed that after a few years...
We're still newly married so we haven't got to this YET, but I am will aware that it most likely will happen, since it seems to for almost everyone. I would think that anything unexpected would be great....when you're in your bedroom and getting ready to go to bed, change into something sexy instead of your normal pj's...
Or Have the kids dropped off at a friends house or parents house and arrange for the two of you to cook together, light some candles have a nice meal and some wine...relax for a bit afterwards and then slip away and tell him you have another surprise for him and change into something that you obviously want him to tear off of you.
Do anything to break out of the routine, talk about your fantasies like you did when you first started dating or first got married, and see if there are any that you can still play out...make a different date to actually play it out. It'll get you both excited twice, and you'll be thinking about it inbetween.
Thank you for the input. I guess I tend to put the kids before my own needs, since family comes first for most of us. I think that due to that and the lack of a sitter, we have just fallen into a rut. I think we might start and try a set monthly date night and start to take a little more time for "us"
Xoxo~Megan
DH and I have been married for 5.5 years, dealing with fertility issues, and have a 3.5 year old. Our sex life is still great. When DH's friends complain about their sex lives, they tell DH he is a lucky man because we still have sex a few times a week.
Just because you have been married for a few years doesn't mean your sex life has to dwindle. If that is okay with the two of you, there is nothing wrong with it either, but it doesn't have to happen.
Hi, Megan my name is Emily I?ve been married now for some over 48 years. Let me tell you if you make him king of the roost ? then he?ll treat you like a queen. That means you have to let him think he is in total control ? but you really pull all the strings. If you get my meaning! Hubby and men like this!!!
He wants to make you feel good all the time but doesn?t quite know how so you have to lead the way some, most, or all the time. You treat him like a man ? by praising him building his ego just tell him how much you appreciate him, the things he does. You set the stage for your sexual relations with him ? by making it his idea. You plant the seed, water it then sit back watching it grow ? remember it?s always his idea to have sex with you.
If you want him to treat you as a woman ? then send him an e-mail. Say something like: ?When I see you big guy you?re in for a real treat.? Or ?I?ve got something ? just for you when you get home!? You get the idea. One I told a girl friend about was ?you know he has a favorite food dish you prepare for some special occasion, then just fix it for him and while he is enjoying it say you know we?ve not had (blank)[here put your pet name for sex] in a while or I can?t remember when we (blanked). Now if he is not a complete idiot he will get the picture.
I read somewhere back in the sixties ? women had to play a man like a fiddle ? just pluck the right strings which lead to being happy; but, when you pluck you must be ready to play the whole tune by being the object of his affections. Now good luck in your marriage. Put God first and all other things will be given unto you?
My Bill knows I do him this way but deep down inside he truly likes it! I know 'cause he's told me so.
Just remember that putting your marriage first IS putting your kids first. Getting out of that rut could be as simple as using a different position or having sex in a different room or buying some lingerie.
This is such good advice and I think this is where my mother, who's had 3 failed marriages went wrong. She liked to be queen of the castle and didn't respond well when the man was.
I'm loving your suggestions!
xjcx
your feelings are perfectly normal. as a woman who's been married almost 16 years, i find one falls in and out of love--emotionally and sexually--with her partner several times.
the key is to not allow this temporary phase to become permanent. you wouldn't stop going to the gym just because you achieved that perfect size, would you?
sex takes work, patience, love. read sexy material. watch sexy material. remind yourself that you are a sexual being. be creative. force yourself to engage even when you don't feel like it. plenty of academic studies have proven that smiling when we're down can reverse our mood. sex is the same way, many times.
if these feelings persist, despite, several months of trying to alleviate the issue, seek help. your marriage and your personal sexual fulfillment, are worth it.
robin