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Torn...Please help!
Sorry...this will be long.
Here are the options as I see them (let me know if I'm missing something PLEASE):
We want to buy a house. We are tired of throwing our money away. Between the 8000 tax credit and the cheap prices, we know the time to jump in is now.
We can't afford to live near where I work, unless we live in the ghetto. The real rap video ghetto. Right now, we live 1.5 hours from where I work so we can live in a decent affordable area. We are also about an hour away from family and friends.
Our max price is about $250,000. Here are some of the houses that we have been looking at on our area. This1 or This2 or This3 These houses are about 1.75 hours from my work. The schools are bad. The area is not horrible, but not good either. We'd be house-poor.
Our friends live in Murrieta. Near them, for well under $250,000 we can get This4 or This5 or This6. Murrieta is 2.5 hours from where I work. It's about 30 minutes away from family and less than 30 minutes from friends. These houses are freekin gorgeous.
As you can see, the problem is my job. I LOVE MY JOB. It took me 10 years of struggle (and some Novembie vibes) to finally get to where I am. And the sky is the limit. I can go on to climb the ladder and be fantasically successful. I have worked so hard and am just now finally starting to see the respect and opportunity that I deserve. But I can't afford a house anywhere near this job. BUT I LOVE MY JOB. And I just started it.
There is no work in Murrieta or the surrounding areas. Even if I got lucky enough to find a similar job in Riverside or San Diego, I would take at least a $20,000 pay cut. J would have to work. Sweetface would have to go to daycare.
There is a job for me at the IRS. I have a hookup. And IRS people make a lot of money. It's an hour from Murrieta and less than an hour from where I am now, in Laguna Niguel.
J is really upset with me. He thinks this is a no-brainer. According to him: our nice life is waiting for us in Murrieta...but because I can't let go of this job, I am postponing our life and costing us a lot of grief and money. He thinks I'm choosing this job over family.
BUT I LOVE MY JOB. It represents security and success and it's fun.
What else am I missing? I am just feeling ripped apart about this.
Thank you, my dear friends. Your opinion means so much to me.
Re: Torn...Please help!
Wow. Just wow. I am just as torn as you are.
First let me address J's comment- because I really felt hurt for you that he said you were choosing your job over your family:
As the breadwinner for your family stating that you are choosing your job over your family is really not fair. Someone has to go out there and earn the money that puts a roof over your heads, food in your mouths and clothes on your backs. And as people well know, it is not always easy to find a job that allows you to feel challenged, interested and well compensated at the same time.
Second, let me pose some questions to you:
Would the IRS job be as much money as you are making now? Does it offer the advancement opportunities that your current position does? Do you think you will find it challenging and interesting like you think your current position is?
Could you telecommute and only go into the actual office 1 or 2 days a week? Would that make it possible to have the best of both worlds?
I hope that was a little bit helpful. I'm sorry this is so difficult.
Murriet all the way.
The houses are DOUBLE the size of the first 3 and are LESS!
I guess you can always still keep your job and make that insane drive.
What about the IRS job do you not like??
I FOR SURE would not pick an option where I was house poor. We got approved for wayyy more then what we bought a house for. We just couldnt see having a nice house but not having any living money
Holy tough decision batman......Where I think J is being a little dramatic by saying that you are choosing your job over your family....i slightly see his point of how great of an opportunity it would be for you guys as a whole to be in a nicer place that you could call your own.
Judging by just your pictures, I would obviously choose the nicer homes and area. Yes, you have worked your pretty little tail off to get where you are but that is just it sweetie, you are here.....you've made it and it's time to embrace it and the nice things that you have worked this hard for. I can't say that any job would be worth flushing money away or living in a less than desirable neighborhood or having my husband feel like I was choosing my career over my daughter or him.
I admire your drive and ambition. I think you are an incredible woman but I sometimes wonder if during the time you are working yourself to the bone if you are taking the time to smell the roses so to speak. You are at a crossroads and no amount of advice that we can give you will really help. I do know that if I were to be house poor, I sure as hell hope it would be in a house that I absolutley adored.
I can't imagine being you right now and I hope that somehow you can find the answer or that you will at least get a decent sign of which way to lean in this ordeal.
First of all, I wanted to give you major e-hugs for being in this position right now. It is very tough, but no matter what you choose you guys WILL be okay. However, I understand why this is weighing on you because it is a very life-changing circumstance.
First of all, a 1.75 hour commute and being house poor by buying close to where you live now is just an all around awful idea. So throw that one right out the window. Schools are bad? no. It?s just not going to work at this point in time unless J gets a job and you guys can afford something nicer that?s not going to put you in a financial stretch.
If you want to have a nice affordable house, it seems that you?re going to have to move to a lower cost commute area OR set up a telework arrangement with your company. If the telework option is not available to you, the only other option is to move if you guys are so gung-ho about buying a house. Then it just comes down to a pro and con list.
PROS OF BUYING A HOUSE
Close to family
Close to friends
UPS job that may or may not come through
Good investment (maybe) ? not throwing away rent $$
CONS OF BUYING A HOUSE
J has to go to work ? where will he work?
S has to go daycare ? do you want that. Worrying about driving her back and forth and all that comes with that.
You have to leave a job you love and have worked your a$$ off to get
Live in the middle of nowhere with long commute
Need two incomes to pay mortgage ? shaky financial situation
It?s all a matter of priorities and unfortunately it?s not about your family, as J is saying, but it?s between a house (some house, any house) or a job you love? And if there are no jobs in Murietta, that seems like a very precarious position to be in. Where will you work? Where will J work? Will you buy a house first and just hope for the best? There would be too many variables for me to feel comfortable picking up and moving. And to me, that con list seems a lot more severe than the pro. It just wouldn't be worth it to me to be a homeowner if I had to make so many other sacrifices. Sometimes buying a house makes sense for some people, and for others it doesn't. For others, it won't make sense until later in life. Just don't become one of those people who are so dead set on buying a house (just because it's what you're "supposed" to do) that you end up building a life you hate around your house. Remember that by renting, especially during this shaky economic time, you are NOT throwing away money. You are paying for a roof over your head. Are you building equity? No. But there's no guarantee you'd be building equity in a house either ... think of all the people whose property value has declined by as much as half in just two years alone!
Another option would be to save aggressively so you CAN afford a house near your work right now, that isn?t the ghetto. Is there any reason you have to buy a house right now? (Besides the 8,000 tax credit) I don?t think prices are going to skyrocket any time soon and put you out of the market, to be honest. And since you said your current job has a lot of upward advancement, is it realistic to just hang tight until you start earning more money? Again, why now do you need to buy a house?
If you have a feeling moving to the Murietta town might be the right choice and you can get past the whole leaving your job thing, I think you should first apply and see if you can even GET a job with UPS. It?s a moot point if you can?t.Then cross that bridge when you come to it, because your salary will have a lot to do with the house you can buy, if J has to work, etc.
I think I've given you something to think about and even if you don't agree with anything I've said and think I'm smoking crack, know I love ya and am here to support you 100%!
Here are my questions:
If you take the job, and it is a pay cut, is there any way that J can take a part time job? Is daycare something you desperately want to avoid or is it just something that you're sort of okay with? That's an important decision to make because it sounds like if you move to Murietta and you take a different job, he will have to make some sort of income. Is there any way he could do it on a part time basis/from home to avoid daycare, if thats something that is important to you?
Secondly...I have to agree with Karrey. I feel like you're on the go all the time, and while its AWESOME that you love your job (I wish I could say the same) I think it would be nice if you could relax a bit more and enjoy your family.
I think you and J need to have a serious talk about priorities, especially b/c I do recall you mentioning a second baby in the forseeable future. And I think it has to be a joint decision; or else one or the other will have some resentment.
I will conclude by saying that all the Novembies should just move to my town where real estate is ridiculously low. Then we could all get margaritas together ALL the time.
Ok, first of all, I'm just going to say something you can take with a grain of salt - I don't think home buying is right for everyone. It's depends a lot on timing in your life. I know it's a great time to buy, especially in California I'm sure. But I would think hard about whether or not it's worth it to rent for longer and try to save up a larger down payment so you can afford a house closer to the job you love. That's probably going to be our plan when we move to MA because property values are pretty high in the areas we want to live.
Of course I say all this and I have no idea what property values are like in your area. They could be so through the roof in nice areas near your work that it would take over a decade to save up for a down payment big enough. So that?s why I said that whole grain of salt thing. It?s just something to consider. I feel like some people buy property because they feel like it?s the right next step as an adult. But I know you?re super smart and you?ve probably already thought about all this.
I think you might have to think about what matters to you more ? liking where you live or liking your job? Your job is probably where you spend most of your time, but your home is where you escape to. I think it?s going to be a trade off either way. Can you learn more about the IRS job to see what it entails? Maybe it?s secretly fascinating. But if it?s not, I don?t think it?s fair at all for your DH to make you feel bad about not wanting to leave your job. It?s a big decision and it?s hard to do something you despise everyday.
Also more unasked for and ignorant advice ? I know you want a house, but could a condo or half-house work for the time being? I know you want a yard and everything, but it could be a good opportunity to get a good deal now and sell it a few years down the road when property values go back (hopefully!).
I hope you?re not offended by any of my questions or ideas, I?m just trying to cover all the angles!
This
This is all great...exactly what I need. ...and don't worry...you can't offend me. I welcome it all!
Keep it coming!
I wanted to add to what twink said - DH and I are homeowners and it SUCKS. We are not building equity, our property value has gone to the sh!tter because the neighbor has gotten so bad. We are going to end up selling for under what we paid. And we also have probably put $10,000 into this house (new carpet, updated the yard, new washer/dryer, updated the lighting).
I wish, all the time, that we'd waited until we were older to buy a house. Or at least in a different place in life. Like now.
Also, another thought - I don't want you to grow to resent your husband and child(ren in the future) because you feel like they made you give up your dream job. I know it's hard to imagine feeling like this, but working at a job you really don't like can really wear on you over time.
However, if you want to take this other job for like a year or so and then explore other better possibilities in the year, that could be something to think about. But you know your industry and the local job market best.
I also so agree with Twink's statement. I feel like saying you're throwing money away on rent is like saying you're throwing money away on food. I get why people say it, but a roof over your head is important. Rent is not a waste of money. My sister's boyfriends has been living with his parents since college (3 - 4 years) because he won't waste money on rent. While I understand this in theory, he's unhappy and it's a huge strain on his relationship with my sister because his parents are NUTS. He could easily find an affordable place in his area, but he won't because he has this idea that rent is a waste of money in his head.
I'm angry with J's comments. You have a good job that you love - not many people have that. I personally wouldn't move at this time. I know you want the tax credit but you're still adjusting to this job, plus the holidays. My concerns for you - if you were to buy a house right now are:
1. Murrietta is a drive - you more than likely will spend just as much time in traffice commuting to your job as you do now.
2. If J is so concerned about getting a house maybe it's time for him to get a job and add some income to the household. Even if it's one night a week.
3. you've made comments about him not picking up around the house while he's home all day therefore causing you to have to do it, will you now be stuck with having to take care of the yardwork?
I'm thinking about this while I'm working, so I may do more than one post...and this will likely be a mish-mash of stuff (and probably not very coherent) as I'm typing what comes into my head.
I agree with a lot of the points the other girls have already brought up. They're all very valid concerns/issues/questions/considerations.
My observations:
Based on your love of your job, and desire to live in a better area, that would seem like combining your current job and moving farther away. Do you think you can commit 5+ hours at least everyday for your commute? That's a HUGE chunk of time to pull out of your already busy schedule. And, it goes without saying, but the huge chunk of money involved in that for transportation will also be a drain on your finances. I know you already have a pretty long commute, but this seems like one of the worst-possible scenarios to have. What would you do if something happened at home? With J? Or with Sweetface? Would you feel comfortable being that far from home under difficult circumstances?
I am wholeheartedly in support of living in the best possible community for your family, yourself, schooling, finances, you name it. So, if it were me, I'd knock off living in any areas that have bad schools or resemble rap videos (
) immediately from my list-they just wouldn't even be up for consideration. Quality of life is of utmost importance to me. If I'm scared of where I live, am forced to make really tough decisions I otherwise wouldn't have to in order to made due with my surroundings, or am forced to compromise my child's schooling, that's a no go for me. We live in a really nice area, but had to compromise on house (we're in a condo instead of SFH), and will likely have to stay in a smaller home because the schooling here is the best in the state and we don't want to move away from that. I'm not familiar with how areas in California work, but:
(1) if you wanted to keep your current job, are there any ideal or close-to-ideal areas near it that have condos or townhomes in your price range? I know you want a SFH, but maybe it's not in the cards just yet. If you and J definitely want to buy, would you be willing to look at smaller types of homes? Or, is it possible to move into a better area near your job, but rent?
(2) If you move, I'd find out more specifics about the other job opportunity and really go line by line to figure out what impact it'd have on you and J financially--would J have to work? Or part-time? You mentioned wanting to TTC#2 in 2011(?), what kind of impact will this have financially on that goal?
(3) The area closer to friends/family you're considering--you mentioned there are no jobs there. That'd be a HUGE issue for me. However, is this area just getting developed? Are businesses moving in? Are the surrounding areas up and coming? If yes, then it's not as big of a concern because there's more likelihood that jobs will follow development. But, if you moved there but would always have to go out of the area for jobs, that can be an issue. There are plenty of people in my area who have moved 1-2+ hours away from DC metro to have nice, large, more affordable homes, but now have crappy commutes coupled with ZERO development in their areas, meaning they'll always have to go far for work.
That's all I got right now. Sorry if this is jumbled.
Oh, and I do want to add, that I think it's really sh!tty of J to make you feel bad for wanting to keep your job. You're the breadwinner so you have to keep your job as a priority in this decision. Kudos to you for having a job you LOVE--that's a HUGE thing to have in this day and age. I completely understand your being hesitant to part with it. (Oh, any chance for telecommuting??) It's a SUPER tough decision you've got on your plate right now, but don't let J make it even harder by piling guilt on you--you're looking out for what's best for your family, we all know that, you know that.
This is definitely something to bring up to him. He HATES taking care of the house. Why does he want the responsibilities of homeownership? Does he know how time-consuming and expensive it is to take care of a 2,500+ square foot house? Or is this going to be yet another thing for you to handle?
(Sorry that last sentence is totally something my mother would say to guilt trip someone, so obviously don't use those words but it's definitely something to discuss with him! Is he going to pick up the slack? Or are you guys going to budget for a cleaning lady/landscaper or what?)
The only additional advice I can give you is this.
You love your job as you stated several times. So, if you do take the IRS job or the pay cut job, will you be happy? Will you enjoy these jobs even if not as much as your previous? Yes, your family is the most important thing in your life, but if your moving and switching jobs will lead you to unhappiness, it's not the right decision for you or your family.
If you can find happiness at a job near Murrieta, J can find a job near Murrieta that he would be happy with, and you can find the perfect care for S, then it's a good choice. But if you can't meet all those requirements, it's probably best to hold off on buying a house right now and wait till you can meet these.
This sounds so darned tough. Having a job you love that offers you an opportunity to advance is priceless. Owning a home is a dream, and I totally agree that Murrietta is amazing right now.
Don't settle for a house in a less than ok area. Keep checking into your options. Irvine has some great condo's and there is a large metrolink station there. It would only be another 20 mins or so onto your commute.
The other thing is, if you end up working in Laguna Niguel, I am very serious about being happy to watch Sweetface so J can go back to work too. (If you guys want.) Signs are pointing more and more to me staying home for good at the end of January.