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Does anyone else find this really strange?
I'm not on this board much, but it seemed like a good place to ask people's thoughts on my friend's situation.
About two years ago I introduced my best friend to a friend of mine she didn't know. They both had super bad self esteems and were rather immature for their age (18 and 19 at the time). They did become good friends. The most annoying thing about the guy was that he was always making comments about how gross sex was and how there was no one he would ever want to have sex with. Not just every now and then, but every time anyone made a joke or something on TV had anything remotely related to sex.
Eight months later, they started dating. They more or less acted like 13 year olds and were super whiny and demanding. They both had a new self confidence that was more like obnoxious arrogance. They were whiny, always clinging, touchy, and kissing in public. I talked to them multiple times about it but they just got angry and wouldn't listen. After a waiter intentionally ignored our table all evening because they were making out the whole evening (he stopped by twice, once to get our orders and once to refill some drinks but each time he came by they acted pissy because they had to separate for five seconds) I stop inviting them out. She even had large bruises on her neck from where he "bit too hard." They did get better after a few months.
That was about a year ago. He relaxed a little bit with sex jokes, but still rants about how gross sex is and how he never wants to have it. He still gropes and clings to her, but he'll even make comments when he's snuggling her like about how he "nasty" sex is. He's started making a lot of jokes about her and I secretly being lesbians. After first it was kind of funny, but it also just got way out of hand. One day while I was waiting for her she started changing clothes behind him. He turned around, and started freaking out about her being naked. He was actually really angry towards her. She admitted to me that after he hasn't seen her naked even though they've been dating for over a year.
He's agnostic, so it's not about religious beliefs. I can understand if it was an "I want to wait" thing but it's more like an "I never want to have sex with you" issue. The only time she talked to me about it she said that she did feel rejected but she couldn't change him. Anyone else thinks it's really weird he's acting this way? I'm really concerned for her emotionally, she has a history of depression and ignoring her boyfriend's bad habits. We're both only juniors in college, but she's already set on marrying this guy.
I really don't intend to bring it up with her unless she starts the conversation anyway, but it's just a curious situation. Anyone else ever encounter something like this?
Re: Does anyone else find this really strange?
Hmm. I've never met anyone like that. Yes, I think it's extremely weird that he's acting this way. Unless, of course, he is not straight. In all seriousness, I'm guessing he's gay. That's cool and everything, but the frequency and subject matter of his "jokes" are telling. After all, satire is never just satire, especially if it's a recurring theme.
They both have mega issues.
His: The anti-sex thing is freaky, especially when he lost it seeing his girlfriend change. He needs help. Has he been sexually abused?
Hers: Your friend seems so terrified of being alone that she's willing to settle for (cling to) the guy. She's set on marrying him? It reeks of desperation. She needs help.
I'd say their relationship is like a train wreck, but it would be an understatement.
I'm sure he wasn't sexually abused. The only thing I can think of is that mother had an affair with her co-worker for several years before divorcing his dad. As for him possibly being gay, I've actually thought of that before.
She has always been the kind to be miserable and bitter when she's single, but extremely passive and cheerful when she has a boyfriend. I've told her she needs to spend some time on her own learning to appreciate herself without a bf, but she got so angry that I stopped. I figured it wasn't any of my business anyway and I would be annoyed if she did the same thing to me.
Like I said, I'm just curious about what other people make of it.
My first thought... or he could just be very immature and not into sex yet? or not at all?
I changed my name
I have never ever heard of anything like that.. that is very strange.. a boy his age should be dying to get a look at a naked woman unless one of 2 things 1. he is homosexual or 2. he is highly religous and wants to avoid temptation..
They both need to go to counseling and grow up.. but if you say anything to either of them it will probably just highly offend them.. but if she asks your opinion or brings it up to you, I would absolutely tell her that she needs to have a serious talk with him about his issue..
It sounds like he's gay.
He's probably trying to deny who he is by dating a girl. He might even be trying to pretend she is a guy so that he can try to be happy with her. That would be why he freaked out about seeing her naked, it just reminds him that she's not what he wants.
Huh. She has always been a self-proclaimed tom boy, never wears make up, keeps her hair pulled back in a bun at all times, and always wears jeans and a t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with that, I'm just saying it might fit into the the idea that he's trying to pretend she's what he does want.
I think I failed to mention she is first girl friend.
Also, no way she'd ever leave him. They are best friends and she has no backbone.
I've kind of had a suspicion he might be. Sad, because they spend almost every waking minute together. He was gone for a day studying in the library and his status was "misses gf." I actually messaged him to lightly make fun of him for being so clingy and then I did the same to her. Not nice of me, but I just found it pitiful. For the most part, I try not to get involved. They're both my friends, but I wish she'd leave him. He's gotten more and more judgmental and arrogant (even though his logic is always extremely flawed) and she just goes with whatever he says and does. Like I said, that's how she's always been boyfriends. Sadly, they have fewer and fewer friends outside of each other. That really worries me.
What disturbs me the most is the lesbian jokes he makes about me and her. She and I used joked that if we got to be older and weren't married, we'd pull a Boston Legal, marry each other and have boyfriends on the side (It's one of those things that's not at all funny unless you were there the first time it came up). We told him about a few months, and it's gotten more and more out of hand to the point of creepiness, like him making really not funny jokes about our supposed "sexual escapes" several times a week. I try to laugh it off and say she's not my type, but God it's creepy.
By the way, I just destroyed my Shakespeare senior seminar exam.
Like other PP's, I have not met a person like that. Really I wouldn't know what to make of it. He would be affectionate to her but doesn't want to see her naked or have sex with anyone? that's not normal, but I dont think his jokes are means of a closet gay.
As for your friend, It seems that she has no self esteem in reality. She settles, and she stays in the backround. As a friend I would mention counseling for her, and I would even go with her just so that there is a "third person" point of view.
He might be trying way too hard to point fingers away from himself being gay by pointing them at other people.
He may also be trying to get negative reactions about homosexuality so that he feels better about denying his own feelings. If everyone he knows is completely fine with homosexuality but he's just not ready to accept it yet then he would get angry at them for not making him feel better about his decision to lie to himself.
It's weird definitely. I had a friend that was pretty asexual until his late 20's though. It's just weird to me that he's so into making out but not anything more. Seems like he's stuck with a 13 year old's brain.
Anyway, it's their relationship though and I would just stay out of it other than telling them that PDA makes you uncomfortable.
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This is one of the strangest things I've ever heard. Do you think he may be repressing his homosexuality? Just throwing that out there.
I can't imagine being in a sexless relationship & then deciding to marry that person, who is disturbed by my naked body. I really hope your friend comes to her senses.