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What to do? (facebook related - relative)

I just got a friend request from my cousin's husband.  This is a man I refuse to talk to face to face because of the past and the fact that I can't stand what he did.  He cheated on my cousin with her sisters sister in law (her sisters husbands sister) and they had a long huge drawn out fight and involved their 2 little kids etc. etc.  It was nasty. 

I'm torn whether to accept his friendship on facebook because I can't stand him but I do love my cousin.  I do NOT agree with her taking him back but I don't want to hurt her feelings any further by making FB a big deal.  I would assume that I wouldn't talk to him on there anyway (and I know you can block friends from stuff which I probably would do). 

Would you friend him and just put him on a block so he can't get much info or would you just ignore him and not friend him at all?

Re: What to do? (facebook related - relative)

  • If you don't want to hurt your cousin you can friend him and then hide his profile so unless you click on him, you won't ever have any of his posts show on your page.  I've done this with several people who plugged up my page with garbage on a daily basis. You can also limit what he sees of you, I believe.
  • I just wouldnt accept him OR ignore him.  I have two people who just sit in my freind request spot.  I don't like them, but I dont want to make the feel bad.  If they ever said anything to me about it, I could say "Oh FB? I hardly ever check it.  Next time I'm on, I'll be sure to add you"  Chances are that they'll never mention it IRL.
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  • Accept the friendship and then hide his profile.  You can forget about it, and it won't start drama.

    One of the groomsmen in our wedding, a friend of DH's, cheated on his wife when they had a newborn at home.  Moved out, got an apartment, had a months-long affair with another teacher at the school they BOTH teach at... it was terrible.  I totally don't forgive him, and can't stand him as a result.  But if he friended me on facebook, I wouldn't make a thing out of it.  It's not the right forum for that.  Plus, if his wife took him back, it's not for a mere friendly acquaintance to pass judgment or continue to hold a grudge over an issue in THEIR marriage.  It would also be somewhat alienating to the wife to continue to make an issue out of it, since she has made her decision.  Boycotting him loses its umph if she isn't.  :(

  • imageHockeyWife2be:
    I just wouldnt accept him OR ignore him.  I have two people who just sit in my freind request spot.  I don't like them, but I dont want to make the feel bad.  If they ever said anything to me about it, I could say "Oh FB? I hardly ever check it.  Next time I'm on, I'll be sure to add you"  Chances are that they'll never mention it IRL.

    Why not just decline and have it out of your face?  The person who friended you won't ever know the difference between you just not accepting and actually clicking decline. 

  • imageSusie Derkins:

    imageHockeyWife2be:
    I just wouldnt accept him OR ignore him.  I have two people who just sit in my freind request spot.  I don't like them, but I dont want to make the feel bad.  If they ever said anything to me about it, I could say "Oh FB? I hardly ever check it.  Next time I'm on, I'll be sure to add you"  Chances are that they'll never mention it IRL.

    Why not just decline and have it out of your face?  The person who friended you won't ever know the difference between you just not accepting and actually clicking decline. 

    I actually do the same thing because several times I have ignored requests only to have them try again, and again.  So, I just leave them in there and ignore it that way.

  • My aunt friended me awhile ago. It's an incredibly long story but she has virtually been cut off from the rest of my family due to a series of "antics" However she lives out of town and is the only relative with my recently widowed grandmother. Surprisingly she is helping her, so we try to keep the peace to not rock the boat for grandmother's sake. I did what the others suggested, confirmed her friend request and hid her. It's not worth the family drama.
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  • Or you can accept the request and wait a month, then unfriend him.  The person who has been unfriended will not get a message telling them they've been "dumped", so he might never notice.
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  • wouldnt friend him...period. 
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  • I've done the ignore thing only to have them request again and again.  I've done the de-friend thing too only to have them ask again.  None of these with this guy but other "friends".

    I think that I'll probably friend and put him on the no updates, not seeing if I'm on etc. list. 

     Thanks ladies.  You are always helpful!

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