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BR: Daycare dilema
This is kind of long. Hoping to get some new perspective so I can figure things out and quit obsessing over this.
So this entire time I have assumed our baby would go to daycare at my work.
Pros: It's cheap (subsidized) and convenient. It's safe (I would know if it wasn't) and the workers there seem nice. Current building is getting a total remodel - to be completed next month. I could visit the baby any time and some mothers go breastfeed a couple of times a day (work is ok with that)
Cons: I don't really know how to explain it without
sounding like a snob. I work about 30 miles from where we live - the
area is a little more rural, the cost of living is lower and some of the parents are often just using the center because it's part of a free program for re-entry to the workforce type and/or drug and alcohol programs. Many of the babies/children have a high turnover -
probably from non-payment (sometimes I have to send out demand letters) or bad attendance. I guess
in general I get the feeling that the expectations are a
little lower across the board at this center and that makes me a little
nervous, I can't really explain it.
So last week I had some time after a meeting and stopped in at a daycare near our house, it's at my church but not faith based until preschool age. I really loved the people, they seemed more in tune with child development (although they seemed to have the "selling" their center speech down, whereas my work is not at all for profit and is run more like a service rather than a business). They have parent seminars/socials during lunch, you can drop in at at time (although I probably wouldn't be able to since I work 30 miles away). It just seems nicer and the baby is more likely to be friends with those other babies (haha, can't believe I just said that...)
But then I keep going back and forth,
because how much of that really matters for the first year or so? As
long as the baby is well cared for and safe (and both places provide
that) the work center is probably the best solution and about $300/month cheaper 
(the center at work doesn't charge for time we don't use it, and there is a good chance I will work from home 1+ days a week, plus my work has lots of admin time off, so the savings for those days would add up)
MH doesn't really care one way or another - he has not visited either place but will if I want him to. He did express some concerns about having to be the point of contact for the church center (as the parent that works closest to it) because his schedule is all over the place and he's often out of the office/in court/out of town. My job is way more flexible.
Our plan has always been to save money (yay) and have the baby at work with me for the first 1-2 years and then switch to either the church center or one of the other centers in town that we hear good things about. So why do I feel kind of guilty or think I might be making the wrong choice? Any advice?
Re: BR: Daycare dilema
I guess I'm not totally sure why you think the work center would be an issue. Because the children there are a different socioeconomic status than your family? Please tell me I read that wrong.
I would definately go for the place where you can see the baby at any time (so you would know quickly if there was an issue and that was the wrong place for your child). Also the savings is obviously a huge benefit.
My son is 18 months old and he has "friends" at daycare but if they left, he would forget all about them in a couple weeks (if that). At this age, out of sight, out of mind...they don't have long term attachments to people they don't live with, IMO. I don't think turnover should be a deciding factor...there will be turnover everywhere you go, particularly in this economy.
The daycare my son goes to is income based and many of the children have severe developmental and cognitive disabilities (some, like mine, just have medical issues that traditional daycares would not be comfortable with). Marino could care less. Babies/toddlers do not understand societal differences...my son gets just as excited to see his friends who are unable to speak or walk as the ones who have no developmental limitations. Same goes for socioeconomic status, naturally.
All that matters for the first couple years is that your baby is well cared for, spoken to, played with, fed and changed on time. I wouldn't worry about who his "friends" will be or how long they will be around.
This. In my eyes, there really aren't cons to the first place. You get access to your child, it's cheaper and they're good with kids. I can't see how a little thing like the fiscal background of other children's parents would be a factor in your decision!
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
that isn't what I was trying to say - and actually the church one has a sliding scale for community members that need assistance so both probably have the same economic mix.
I think the biggest difference seems to be parent involvement? But I guess that wouldn't be an issue for me personally if I knew I could stop it at any time.
And I know for a fact (because I have had to get involved in the legal aspect of It) that some of the parents that use the center forget about their children. For a while it was a normal occurrence to have to call in social services and/or law enforcement for children that were left after hours (for hours and hours). I know know this stuff should have no bearing on my child (and is clearly out of the hands of the care providers) but it is hard to put out of my mind because I don't think those parents (that have just as much access to the center as I would) are totally emotionally stable. And I know this could happen anywhere, it's just sucky that I have to read about all this stuff as part of my job.
I think a law requires centers to keep a feeding/changing/sleeping log so both places do it, but the one at work told me that no one ever asks to see them, so rather than sending it home with with the child you have to request it (I guess they keep it in a notebook in the director's office). At the church center they have a sheet for each child that lists feedings, changes, naps and they also include notes like how the baby did that day (did they seem happy/tired/cranky/need something, etc) in case the person that spent the most time with the baby is not there when you pick up. I guess I just find it odd that the 2 places could be so different and I hope I'm not missing something. I would want to see how often and much the baby is eating - I don't want to be neurotic about it but that type of information seems like something I would want to know on a regular basis (maybe not every day, but just in general).
As far as the rural area being a factor I know it is harder for the place at my work to find highly qualified workers and will often (although not recently) hire teachers under some special program where they can be hired if they still need to complete the rest of their early childhood development classes as long as it's done within a certain time frame. But again, I think they are still caring/safe providers.
There were a few other things that just seemed more streamlined at the church center (such as bottle storage, where and how baby's personal items are stored, etc).
The behavior of the other parents at the place where you work isn't the fault of the staff (who you've said are all caring/safe providers) or the facility. As long as the care is good where you work, your baby won't be affected by those other parents.
Plus, if you're planning on breastfeeding, it would be nice if you're nearer to your child and can actually see them during the day. That's one of the reasons I'm dying to get in at the daycare where Ben and I work, so I could easily stop in at lunchtime to feed and visit our boys (even though it's unlikely to happen since the waiting list is a mile long and we'd be trying to get two places, not one).
I can understand where you're coming from. We want the best, the absolute BEST for our children, and worry that we'll make the wrong decision and deprive them of some developmental opportunity. But in this case, I do think that the center where you work would be absolutely fine for a couple of years and that your baby won't be adversely affected in any way - as long as their needs are being met and they're getting plenty of love, babies don't care about all of the little extras that we (as adults) think are so important.
I would use the one in your office. You would have your baby there with you all day, a HUGE benefit. I WISH I had a daycare in my office, even if that meant dealing with the issues you mentioned. But I don't think those issues will affect YOUR baby... Crappy parents affect their babies, not yours.
Plus, $300/mo is a HUGE savings. You will see. Once the baby comes, you will see how fast money goes and realize that $300 a month adds up realllllllly fast!
Just my opinion! Hope that helps!
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
Sometimes, programs that are not-for-profit or subsidized by government dollars are held to higher quality standards than are other licensed programs (on account of funding requirements) -- so even if the program serves a diverse group of children and parents, and the caregivers may not be as educated or experienced, they may actually follow more rigorous quality care protocol and be subject to greater oversight. That may or may not be the case here, but if you are uncertain as to the quality of the environment, take some time to learn more about each program by interviewing the staff and spending some time observing in each caregiving setting. Particularly in infant/toddler settings, there are very strict licensing laws (may differ by state), and those give you a starting point to start thinking about whether each might be a safe and caring environment for your child.
Here are some questions to consider for each site:
http://tinyurl.com/yedu7nz
Personally, I would rather have my young child in a facility that I could easily access and that offered quality service for a good price. Even if other parents aren't involved, you will be, and caregivers will likely behave differently toward your family, knowing that you speak up and take an interest AND pop in randomly just to check in.
I also agree that your infant child likely won't worry about other kids' turnover rates, although I would consider how much that might affect the overall flow and routine of the caregiving environment. If caregivers are constantly having to deal with new kids, that could be stressful and disruptive to the center, overall. It's something you could ask the staff about...
Good luck to you and I hope you find a situation that is comforting to you and very good for baby!