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My Christmas Vent ...
I know this is going to make me sound extremely ungrateful but I can't help the way I feel.
So here is my thing with Christmas presents. When I am purchasing someone a gift I will only purchase something that they specifically told me they want. Depending on the item I will ask for details from them, like color, model, etc. If I do not receive a specific item for someone I will buy them a gift card to a store or restuarant I know they frequent. My justification on this is: If I am going to be spending money on a gift I want to ensure that is something they actually want or need so it does go wasted or stashed in a closet forever.
So this Christmas I was a tad annoyed when I got a whack of stuff I don't want and/or need. Plus I got alot of things I already own. My mom still insists on spending $500 on each of us even though were adults so I gave her a list (which she requested) of things I could really use. She didn't get me anything on my list because she wanted it to be a surprise therefore I ended up getting 4 things I already own. I know this sounds really selfish. I already dislike the materialism of Christmas and all the waste that goes with it so it really bugged me to have people waste their money on things I am likely going to donate or return if I can.
Can anyone else relate to this or am I being absurd?
Re: My Christmas Vent ...
We buy mostly for the kids and I always ask the parents if there is anything they need or something they DO NOT want (ie: toys). I also ask what books they already own so we do not duplicate.
For me I love seeing what people get for me. I only get stuff from my parents, IL's and Joe so they all know what I like/need without asking for it. So I guess I haven't really run into the problem you are experiencing.
Can you ask your mom for the receipts for the 4 items and explain that you already have them? Maybe that will help her clue in to stick to the list.
I hear you....
I must admit - I'm spoiled - a lot of people don't get as much as we do in regards to gifts and they might look 'down' on me for it but I can't help how my family is/are. I alone get a gift from my parents, brother, 3 aunts, grandmother then ILS, DH's aunt, DH's grandparents + friends of ours & DH. LO also got a 'little' something from all these people this year. Our limits are $100 but 1/2 always go over (esp. my parents).
My family is very generous with gifts (of any kind). This year they all took the 'easy' road and got things for baby Mia [which are appreciated since I get to save my money] and GC for me since they don't know what size I'll be etc. there was a Wal-Mart, Swiss Chalet, Spa and Mall gift cards.....and my parents got me perfume + lounging outfits, a new Mat. dress for NYE, Starbucks GC and a lot for Mia + DH and I a 42" Plasma t.v.
Last year though I was really upset. I was given a tea service set from Wiliam Ashley that was black & red...my dishes are baige/green. I got 2 bottles of perfume from Holts (still in the bag), not any of the ones I like. I feel bad because I've never used them and that person spent a lot of money for "nothing". A huge basket from bath & body all in coconut - I HATE coconut anything. A very pretty linnen tablecloth w/ napkin set for a round table - my table is a 6-8 rectangle. DH got me a Swarovski necklace & earings set..it's a bit 'tacky & baulky' and not my taste but I wear it to make him happy. I mean come on! I cried at the end of the night to DH....I felt like no one knows me and it's MY family! Plus I did fill out the family Christmas list - so there was no excuse!
I'm grateful for a family who can spoil us and I never throw anything away [like it or not] but it hurts when I put in so much effort into when I get them and feel like I was placed on the back burner, kwim?
This reminds me of *exactly* why I don't believe in giving gifts to grown ups. If the season is about giving, I hope you gave the gifts that you didn't want to someone who could have used them
As an adult it really gets difficult to purchase things, because you can just go and get it yourself. I no longer exchange gifts with my parents or brother, and we just buy stuff for my niece/nephew. I only exchange presents with my IL's and DH.
But, my IL's always manage to get us something they shouldn't have bothered with.For example, last year I got 6 bottles of Bath & Body Works lotion - I've used 1 bottle so far. I just got another 2 bottles. Seriously? I only use Aveeno body lotion, so now I have 7 bottles in my linen closet! Same with DH, they always get him dress shirts and ties (he wears suits to work everyday). But honestly, he's a big boy...and he has sooooo many!! Plus, they bought him a "old man" looking long sleeve shirt. DH will never wear it, but he feels bad for telling them to take it back.
It's frustrating, but you should ask for the receipt in order to return the items. There's no point in keeping things you already have!
I am a believer in the no list thing. I hate lists. I really do. My in laws always ask for one and I always give a small one but I rarely get what I want off the list so i don't really bother. They are great people though and spoil me rotten. I think the list is really for those who get stuck.
However most of the time if it's something for the house or something that isn't frivolous I get asked if I have one already or if it's something i would like for CHristmas. Mostly I wind up with jewlery and gift cards and I am A-OK with that!
We've settled somewhere in the middle. As adults, there just isn't much we need and I'd rather Christmas be about spending time together. In D's family, we just buy for the kids. In my family, we draw names and try to stick to a reasonable price limit. At some point I'm sure we'll do away with adult gifts altogether, but since we are the only ones soon to have a baby, it just doesn't seem right to me that my sisters would be buying for our little guy and we wouldn't be buying in return.
My grandmother was horrible for buying presents for years. We would always make out lists, and then she would go out, see what we wanted and if she didn't like it she would buy something she liked, and then tell us to return the gift, but she wouldn't give us the receipt and it would be a huge ordeal to return the crap gift. Now she is much better, and was surprised this year that we were all so happy with the $ in a card that we got instead!
My parents are usually pretty good at buying things that we want. My mom asks us for the specific toiletries that we use, so our stocking are always full of stuff that we like. I only use Aveeno, so I get a gift pack every year in my stocking. My father always just gets each of us a GC to the mall, so we look forward to that every year. My sisters and I usually just buy eachother GC's unless we want something specific, but I always include a gift receipt for gifts that I purchase.
This year we purchased a new tv, so everyone pretty much gave us money, and we had some leftover to purchase a new stereo too.
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