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Aging Grandparent Problem - LONG
I hope someone here can help, I am fresh out of ideas.
Does anyone have an experience with this, or work in the health/mental health field?
Long story short, my grandmother has never quite been "all there" but she has been showing early dementia signs for quite some time now and as I understand it was diagnosed. My grandparents recently moved to a new city for a bigger apartment and different docs. My grandmother was refusing to see the doctors here in Cincinnati anymore. (this is a reoccurring theme for her - but that is a whole 'nother story).
The move seems to have really thrown her for a loop. They have been in the new place for like 11 days now. In the beginning she was sleeping alot and just seemed generally confused. She swears she is having conversations with her dead siblings and that my brother was just in the room (even though he has been stationed in Iraq for 6 months). Now she has gotten mean and beligerent.
Day before yesterday she got up at 5 am packed her clothes and insisted that she was leaving because the new apartment was "not her house". My grandfather was trying to get her back in to the house when she fell, hit her head and was knocked unconcious. He called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.
They did a bunch of tests and didn't find anything wrong with her per say. My grandfather told them how altered she was. She was catatonic for a bit in the hospital but when it came down to it she answered the docs questions right, refused to go to a nursing home and was sent home. When they got home, she packed again and walked out the door.
My grandfather ended up driving around with her cussing at him until he finally convinced her to go and rest. She wanted to go to Chicago or DC. They haven't lived in Chicago in like 40 years and have never lived in DC.
She refuses to go back to the hospital or a nursing home and there is not "making" her unless we either sedate her or get some very large men to drag her out of the car. She hasn't been taking any of her medication which is making the situation a million times worse. She is a diabetic with thyroid problems.
At this point I am not sure if we would have to go to court to get her declared legally incompetent or what. To make matters worse my grandfather refuses to believe that it is dementia. He thinks she has had some kind of stroke or something and that she will snap back. The only small thing in his defense I can say is that I have seen my grandmother go on crazy loopy binges before and she somehow snapped back (like I said, she has never been all there). Years ago she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but once she got the diagnosis she never went back to that doc because he was a quack who was against her. Anyway, I think he just can't face the fact that she is really losing her mind and he is covering for her.
My mom is going up there (chillicothe) to bascially babysit my grandmother today so that my granddad can get some things done and try to find out what kind of options there are if she keeps acting this way and to get her some long term help.
Has anyone been through anything vaguely similar? I am grasping at straws here because I don't even know where to start. I called my MIL who has dealt with several of her relatives who had alzheimers and her suggestion was to try to get her admitted to a hospital for at least 3 days and then medicare will pay to send her to a nursing home for 90 days to get a full work up done. Great idea. Problem is that my grandmother refuses to go. How do you make a grown women, albeit one not dealing with a full deck, go get help?
Re: Aging Grandparent Problem - LONG
I am not much help, but I did take care of my grandfather for 10 years before he passed. Its a rough road. I hate to say we were lucky, but grandpa fell ill at the same time he showed signs of dementia. It was easier to keep him in the hospital for the 3-5 days to be observed. Is there any way you all can talk to her about this? Maybe coming from more than one person would help. Its a rough road, but I promise its worth the struggle now to see them more themselves or calm.
Good luck.
She refuses to talk to anyone about it. She screams and cusses at my grandfather and ignores my mother. My mom is going up there today. Perhaps she can get her to listen. She is refusing to take anyone's calls and doctors don't know they are talking about (not to mention all being against her).
I sound like such a debbie downer but we have reached the end of our rope here.
You need to call the council on ageing or senior protective services. It sounds to me that she is a danger to herself, which in this situation works to your advantage. Know that there are lots of free or very cheap services that can help you.
Please know that there is not a good way of handling this and that she is only going to get worse. It will not be easy, but you will get through it like everyone else.
Thanks! I had not idea there was such a thing as senior protective services. I found a ton of numbers and agencies in thier area. I have left a ton of messages and passed on all the info to my grandfather.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. How awful that must be. I wish I knew something that could make it better, but I don't.
I do want to add if she's in Chillicothe, it may be worth it to go to Columbus. Avoid Holzer if you can, and Adena isn't much better.
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