November 2008 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I Guess I Am A Controlling Wife
I commented to DH how odd I thought it was that so many girls ask opinions on their baby names. I said "It never occured to me to care what other's think, that's what I want to name my baby and that's what her name will be". To which he relplied, "Yeah, you never even asked me". WHAT??? He was all, "you just told me that you think that's a great name and that is what the name will be if it's a girl". Oooops. I then asked him if he was ok with it, which he said that he was, but then we got into a looong coversation about how I also never really consulted him on cloth diapers, using a midwife (thus delivering at a hospital 1/2 hr away), or co sleeping. I feel kinda bad, but really, I will be the one dealing with those things more than him (except for co sleeping, that does affect us both) and in my defense, he still has not picked up one baby book, I just think that if you aren't willing to do the research, then you are going to go along with what I decided from the research I did. OK, still not a very nice wife. 
Re: I Guess I Am A Controlling Wife
I wouldn't agree with controlling! You are decisive! You've done your research you've found what you think is best for you and your baby and family and went with it.
Would it have been nice to ask DH thoughts...maybe, but like you said he didn't really research anything to make any valid points for or against the choices you made!
The name thing is a whole other monster though...but you did ask his opinion after you came up with your choices. Someone has to think of the name first! LOL
I think you're fine! Don't worry about it! You will be a happy family and maybe the only thing I can suggest would be to ask him to research and see what he thinks that the baby is not here yet and there is still opportunity for change. He may open your eyes to something you didn't see before!
I think every woman is controlling to an extent, or at least I know I can be too. But at least you know what you want and aren't all over the place with everything.
I know you didn't really ask for advice, so you don't have to listen if you don't want. But your DH bringing this up says to me that he is somewhat bothered by it (even if he's ok with name, it bothers that he had no input). I'd find something (probably something not super important to you) and ask him about it. Let him have a say too.
Interesting...
Maybe you have said/thought things about the baby names, diapers, etc... so many times to yourself/others that it just slipped with him! I know I've done that...
Let's hope this helps DH be more proactive in other aspects of the baby if he feels he's not giving any input!
I agree, this was a part of our converstion yesterday. He said that he really doesn't have an opinion on a lot of things, but it seems like I am tyring to make our first baby as hard as possible (cloth diapers). So I told him that I was committed to them (something about a chemical that turns pee to gel doesnt sit well with me), however, I would only purchase a newborn starter set (130 for everything you need) and if they don't work out, well we would have spent that much on disposables anyway.
Later as I was looking at a baby magazine, I started talking to him about bottles, strollers, car seats etc and he totally glazed over while watching Sports Center. So I think that I just need to present things to him. Like bring him a couple of options, the pros and cons of them and say "Which do you think is better?".
Oh and the name? He was dead set on Maximus Tyrone for a boy and nothing I said mattered. No wonder God is giving us a girl.
DH doesn't usually have an opinion on things either, and he doesn't get excited about things as I do, so I tend to make most decisions in our house. I figure if he wants to have an opinion, then he can look up from his laptop or video game for 5 seconds and actually listen to what I'm saying. Otherwise, so sad for him.
I'm a terrible wife.
That's awesome!! Glad you guys talked it out.
OMG, this made me lol.
Ouch. Just from experience, I can tell you its really important to find a way to include your DH. The further along in your pregnancy you get, the more he will feel it is more "your thing" than both of yours. This will bite you in the fanny once the baby gets here.
I found that asking DH to help chose baby items was helpful, even though he would have rather not dealt with it. Once Bebe was here, he was able to feel like he had done more to help prepare. Also, once she arrived he was hell bent on helping me pick out tons of little things I didn't realize I needed. DH may have picked out a lot of items that I didn't necessarily agree on, but I bit my tongue because I knew he needed to be included.
Its a really hard adjustment to go from being a couple to being parents . . . seriously . . . the more you do now to help him feel more involved and needed, the better it will be for you later.
Awwwwwwe lady you are so not a controlling wife. You will be doing like 85-90% of the work...seriously...so you should have the most input/say in it.
Unfortunatly for me, my husband has opinions on EVERYTHING, and I know with the baby I wont have free reign
Honestly, I felt like that during pregnancy too - and still do. Sometimes I literally have to force DH to help make a decision regarding the baby. He always just says he trusts my instincts more than his own.
That being said, I do know he likes having Hunter in our room but he is very uncomfortable when Hunter actually bed-shares with us - so I don't do it when DH is home anymore. Sometimes Hunter and I will snuggle on the weekends after DH goes downstairs but I never sleep.
Its all about compromise lady! Even if you already have the decision made, you can always just pretend that DH helped you make it!
I like Decisive instead of controlling, too.
I would also agree with Katie. You want his buy in, otherwise he has an excuse to tune out when you do need his opinion. You have to make a little space for him to feel like he is part of the decision.
J was very involved of his own accord. He was the "decisive" one. I'm so easy going.