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WW A'08 D? (long)
So this all can be blamed on Elisa 
, who posted something about B's first birthday & got me thinking about Liam's... I am trying to figure out how to possibly celebrate nicely, with low stress and high levels of peace and happiness.
To start off: my family is pretty small. My immediate family is just my sister, me and my parents. Michael only has one brother as well. Liam has no cousins yet, and is not likely to have any. Michael's parents are divorced, and his mom is remarried. All five of Liam's grandparents live within 15 minutes of us, while his aunts and uncle are 1.5- 2.5 hours from us.
My issue comes from who to invite and to what. DH's parents are not friendly, and while I don't think they would be uncivil, they definitely choose not to see each other. I don't think they have been in the same place since the wedding, at which Michael's mom stayed in the main room while dad hung at the bar/outside.
So -#1- if we have a small, immediate-family-only party, it will be really uncomfortable for DH's parents.
Therein lies issue #2- if we make it bigger than immediate family- who to invite? My extended family is all 3+ hours away, and only one aunt and cousin have met Liam. DH's extended family is all over the place as well- and they are not close, at all. I don't want to make it all about my family (who may very well not attend, due to the distance).
So then we get into friends. We have three couple-friends with children of similar ages to Liam. Do we also invite friends without kids? We don't want them to feel obligated to come to a 1 year old's party- much less bring a gift!
Michael's first inclination is to not do anything at all to really celebrate, but I feel like I want to do something. I also feel that if we don't cross this hurdle now, it will just keep coming up- and I want Liam to have the feeling of family.
So should I:
a) skip it- it's a one-year old's party that he will never remember. Stick a candle in a cupcake and be done with it.
b) invite just the immediate family to our house and let DH's parents be uncomfortable on their own terms?
c) just family & our couple-y friends with kids?
d) invite everyone who we would invite to any party?
OR secret option E) something fabulous that I never would have thought of?
Thanks in advance ladies. Anyone who got through that is officially invited to Liam's first birthday. 
Re: WW A'08 D? (long)
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I guess I REALLY need to get Dexter's party planned. LOL.
My vote is definitely #2. Invite close family and have faith that they can be adults for an hour or two and smile for some photos. I agree with you that eventually that bridge is going to need crosing so you may as well bridge it now.
As for the friends, I think it's a bad idea to not include friends without kids. I personally would be hurt if I wasn't invited somewhere because I don't have kids. I am not a fan of big parties for first birthdays so I would juts keep it small and family.
All this. maybe you can do a small cake over your Spring Break vacay?
You saw what we're doing. I cannot believe the extremes that some of the mom's on 6-12 are going to re: 1st bdays. I know "to each their own", but seriously? 50+ people? Favors? Bouncy houses?
I hear the big cupcake is hard to make. I'm with you...regular size cupcakes.
probably B....
but our friends had a HUGE blow-out bday party for their 1 year old daughter's bday and it was out of control! they put "no gifts please" on the invites, but she easily was given 30 gifts, including ours. it was crazy.
I think C
I agree about the civility- I was just thinking that maybe a bigger group would ease the tension? i.e.- there would be more different people to talk to, etc.? I am not a fan of big first birthday parties either- but maybe a few friends...?
As far as inviting single friends- I would have been happy to attend a party like this, but I thought maybe others wouldn't be...? I guess it would be best to give them the chance to turn it down.
A "large party" for us would probably be 25 people- heck our wedding was only 50! Haha
Yeah some people are kind of crazy with this- I guess it is their choice, but no bouncy house in our future! Haha
I would ultimately hope that there wouldn't be any tension... but I agree, better now than later. My one fear is that DH's dad will not come, as he often does- to try and avoid MIL & her husband. He didn't see Liam the day he was born to avoid them.
Yeah I will include that on invites... but I fear most of our friends would do the same thing you did & bring one anyway. It's really nice, but not the point- ideally I would like to just get us all together, you know?
this could be tough. i missed Elisa's post, so i don't know what she is doing.
TJ and i love to entertain and throw parties a LOT. but i've been thinking about this and i think i would do just family on the baby's first birthday, but i'd invite extended family. i want to keep the baby's birthday about him/her and if the party is too big, you are running around trying to keep everyone happy. forget that!
the first of my friends to have kids have kids who are turning 2 this month. their parties are at play places like "my gym" that is just for kids to run around in and play. they didn't invite any people who didn't have kids, though they "told" us we were welcome to come. in my group of 10 girls who hang out together all the time, there are 3 with kids (and 3 expecting) but us expcecting mothers weren't invited either, and I totally understood it. the mom's will be running around with their kids playing and it should be about the kids, not a social event for us all to chit chat. so i think i'll be doing the same type thing, first birthday my family (grandpa, brothers, parents, aunt/uncle, my family is pretty small) and for 2nd birthdays and beyond, a little bigger, inviting kids from play groups and what not.
but who knows. right now i want to just keep my baby inside of me, safe and sound and all to myself!
Thanks for your thoughts ladies. I am really on the fence about inviting friends- it would be weird to NOT invite the people who have invited us to their children's events- so I am leaning toward still very small, but family and a few friends. I think Brittany made a good point- let those without kids turn down the invite if they choose. I went to plenty of these types of parties pre-Liam (of course I am a girl, which may be different than some of DH's guy friends). I agree with Alicia too- I don't want to get into separate parties for the two sets of grandparents. Hijole.
Maybe beer would be the great equalizer? Haha It could help to ease tensions within the family, too. Cupcakes and beer.
Y'all are still totally invited! Anyone planning on being in NY in late April?
I wouldn't leave your friends out that don't have kids. I don't have kids but I love my friends kids and my feelings would be hurt if I was left out of their kids birthdays just because I don't have kids ya know?
I'd invite the family and invite your friends with or without kids and let them decide if they want to come.
I think a small family party is best. I understand this fear but that is your FIL's choice. Trying to accommodate him is probably stressful and not something you should worry about. Clearly communicate with him that you want Liam to know all of his grandparents and that if he is unable to come to events where his ex is that you welcome an invitation for Liam to do something with him independently. That will let him know that he is the one that has to make a move to have a relationship with his grandson and not blame his ex or you if he doesn't.
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
I totally agree, Kendra- I love DH's dad, but he definitely got the raw deal in the whole divorce situation. He's a good guy and tries to avoid conflict, but in the end it can make things harder on us. I hope that everyone can smile and be happy for my little guy.