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Need some really honest advice
Would you feel awkward confiding to a stranger (not a trained therapist, but an actual stranger) if you were concerned about how your marriage was and what direction it was heading? If it was something that you could never tell your husband because it could possibly hurt him very badly or could potentially end your marriage?
Do you think talking to a stranger is less hurtful? A third party who doesn't know your husband or how your marriage works? Someone looking in from the outside? Or is confiding in a stranger a form of cheating? Even if you aren't interested in having a relationship with that person.
I'm trying to see it from how I would feel and I guess if MH was having problems with our relationship that he didn't feel he could talk about with me because he'd be afraid to hurt me that I don't think I would be too terribly upset if he talked to someone else about them. I don't know though...I'm very confused right now.
Oh and for the record, I'm not cheating on my husband. If anyone was wondering that 
Oh and I also have the name of a trained therapist who I will be calling asap. I'm just in a rough patch with my marriage right now and of course the one person I should talk to about it I can't. And I did try last night and it didn't really work.
So my question is, is it ok to talk to someone else about issues in your marriage that you don't feel comfortable addressing with your husband? Yes I know that is a strange question but if you can do your best to answer it for me I'd really love to hear your opinions.
Re: Need some really honest advice
Belle - I'm so very sorry! You are not alone and please feel free to call/email me whenever if you want to talk. H and I have been in a bad spot for a while. I've been in a worse spot than he has been, though.
I confided in a third person, non professional. Whether it was right or wrong, it made me feel much better to talk to another person and to actually hear what I was thinking. My confidant was not a stranger, but I needed to talk to someone else before talking to H to make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions. I needed to know if my unhappiness was with the marriage or if I was unhappy with my current situation (mainly school) and was taking it out on H and affecting the marriage.
Again, if you ever want to talk, please let me know. I promise you will get no judgment from me.
This is legal advice. Circa 2011
Jenn, you just almost made me cry. Thank you for your very honest response. I hope things have gotten better for you and I hope you know the same applies to you, if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask me. PS: I'm going to PM you in a minute, I don't think I have your e-mail...
No judgment from me either. I don't like to talk about it, but I was married before. I was right out of college - young, stupid, not listening to my gut......and had I not spoken to someone about my/his/our issues, who knows what misery I'd be living in right now. I'm tearing up just thinking about my "old life". It was such an awful, desperate situation, and while I hope yours is nothing near what mine was, talking to someone (a therapist in BR) gave me exactly what I needed at that time. On some weird level, I feel like it saved my life. Now I'm crying!
::looks at DH napping on the couch and thanks God for him::
This is me exactly, excep that John is in the recliner.
Talking through problems always helps me. You've always been there for me, I am there for you whenever.
Oh, Belle...I am so sorry you're going through this. But good for you for recognizing a problem and taking steps to correct it!
To answer your question...yes, I do think it's ok to an extent. Like Jenn said, sometimes it's good to get a third party opinion. You don't want to reveal anything that you think should be kept confident but YOU need to have an outlet. If YH had something he needed to talk to you about but didn't know how, wouldn't you rather he confide in a trusted friend for help and advice than just to let that resentment grow?
More than once I have been in a rough spot with MH and I have always gone to a trusted friend. I feel like if I can talk to them, they can help me to maybe see things another way and then I will be more open minded (and not quite so angry) when talking to MH.
Please don't hesitate to call me if you need ANYTHING at all. Love you, sweetie.
Ya'll are too good to me. Thank you for all your advice so far. I feel so loved. I think what's really bothering me is that the person I am talking to is a man so it somehow feels like cheating. I'm not cheating, I never would, but I guess it still feels like it. I wonder if I was talking to a girlfriend if it would change how I feel about talking to someone.
Shoe this is a fantastic point. Thanks.
"If YH had something he needed to talk to you about but didn't know how, wouldn't you rather he confide in a trusted friend for help and advice than just to let that resentment grow?"
ETA: I'm going to the gym so I won't be back for a while but I'm not running away from my post, I promise
Ok, I see more of where your dilemma comes from. I'm going to be honest but this is just my opinion. I definitely think if your confidant is a guy that you'd want to proceed with caution. The last thing you want is for your husband to become suspicious; even if there is nothing going on. I think as long as YH knew he was just a friend and there were no questions about your friendship with him, it would be fine. However, I do think that if you were talking to a female, you'd feel less guilt about it. Even though you have nothing at all to feel guilty about!
This is me too (married young and divorced 6m later). My experience talking with a therapist (in BR) was not good. I find that she only told me what I wanted to hear. I also talked to a friend about things but the friend was male and it did make my situation worse because I started to feel guilty (although I was doing nothing wrong) and that made things worse. I'm glad that you are going with your gut and asking for advice on this. I believe that just getting things off of your chest and having someone who isn't afraid to tell you how things are good or bad is the best thing for you so someone trustworthy is really what you need. Just try to stay positive. I remarried a year ago. When H and I have a rough time I try to remember the times when I look at H and think that this person makes my imperfect life feel perfect. I hope things start looking up.
I don't post or reply very much, but this is one place that I can give honest advice.... Talking to a stranger who doesn't know you or YH very well is a great outlet, and unbiased! Venting to someone who isn't close can give you a very true perspective and maybe help you to see the full picture as opposed to strictly your side of things. Therapists are great but sometime you don't want to analyzed and that I totally get. Like a few of the other girls, I was married before (young and dumb) and if I would have had an outlet, someone who could give me the unbiased opinion that you are looking for, I would not have wasted so much time with him.
I am sorry you are having trouble, but hope this helps!