SAHM?

herray · January 2010

Is anyone planning to stay at home? I really want to, but I'm struggling with feeling like I've wasted so much time and money on college.

How do you all feel about it?

emmypants · January 2010

I'd like to. I didn't go to college, so I personally wouldn't feel the anguish of wasted time and money there. However, my child [when I have one] will never set foot in a daycare. My Mom, H & I have already discussed how they'd "rotate" with a baby if I had to work. Luckily, my bosses are awesome and would most likely allow me to bring the baby to work, their grandkids come in all thee time.

acp927 · January 2010

Well, I graduated college in May and haven't found a job yet, so I'm already feeling like I wasted four years of my life, though luckily not really money since I was on full scholarship. Anyhow, assuming I get a job eventually, I want to save up over the years so that by the time we have kids I can stay at home. Depending on my career I would either quit or work from home. In my dream world, I would quit my job but be writing books from home, but who knows, maybe that will actually work out.

acp927 · January 2010

I also wanted to add that I feel like my college experience is worth more than just what I learned for any future career I could have. I do want to work a while and feel like I got "use" out of my education, but I have no problems with being a SAHM after that because I feel like my college education can come in handy even for that!

jquirke9881 · January 2010

I would LOVE to but I don't think it is going to happen. I have a stable job with great benefits and I carry all the insurance. MH's job pays more but is not stable and benefits are not offered. We need both incomes to keep our house. So unless there is a winning lottery tickey in my future...

PallieDS · January 2010

I would love to be a SAHM but don't know if that will be possible for the first kid or two because DH will probably be in school.

I'm with Amy on the college experience being worth more than just job possibilities. I graduated with my Master's Degree in May, still no full-time job...I am a tour guide and I babysit part-time. If I was caught up in the value of my education being summed up in my job, I would be one sad girl.

Huskerfanz · January 2010

I'm planning on staying at home. I picked my degree (accounting) partly because of the flexibility it has. If we needed money, I could work during tax season or work part time doing books for a smaller company. I'm planning on working a few years full time prior to kids to pay off debt (school loans, car, mortgage) and then we should be in a good enough position financially to live of DH's income.

I don't feel like I wasted time or money on the college degree because I grew up a lot in college, will have a few years of decent income from it, and better chances to get a job if I want to go back to work when the kids are older.

RockThisB!tch · January 2010

I probably will for a while (I have a lot of maternity time saved up - about four months worth). I'll also always have a PT job that pays really well, so after mat leave, I should be able to easily continue PT hours. We have no debt, so it really wouldn't be necessary to send our child(ren) to daycare for me to work FT. We've already discussed it a lot... heh. We're just waiting for our BFP.

brittk0486 · January 2010

I guess I'm the only one that, even if I could afford to be a SAHM, I wouldn't. I would go absolutely stir crazy being at home all day. I did stay home with Aidan until he was about 5 months old, just because I didn't have a job at the time. It was great being with him, but it's also very stressful and tiring being home doing everything yourself non-stop.

Plus, I think daycare has been great for him - especially as he's gotten older. Kids need to be around other kids their age, especially as they are learning to talk and play.

LauraBeth1401 · January 2010

DH and I both grew up in homes where our mothers were able to stay at home so we both feel strongly about the benefits of staying home. The plan is for me to be able to stay at home once we have a baby, but DH also runs his own business and even though he is doing really well at the moment, it could change easily. It's a personal preference for DH and I. I don't think that women who decide to go to work after having children are not good parents by any means (even though there is that stigma out there in some places). Some people make it work out great and their children really benefit from having a structured day-care environment.

annabear07 · January 2010

You are not the only one Brittany! I went to school far too long (9 years) to get where I am to give it all up once I have a little one. Once I have really established myself in my area, I do not want to give that up either. I love what I do too much for that! Andplusalso if we stay in this area, there is absolutely no way that we can own a house on one income. Not that I'd want to anyways!

Chrissy3321 · January 2010

I'm with Brittany. I want to continue to work and would probably go crazy as a SAHM. It will probably make life more hectic, but worth it for us because if I stayed at home we would live pretty bare just on H's income, or he would have to pick up another job and he already works enough.

My sister is a SAHM, so if she is still in that position when we have one I will just pay her. If not, I am hoping H's mom will want the duty at least part of the time to help with daycare costs.

Chrissy3321 · January 2010

Also, if I did want to stay at home I wouldn't think my education was a waste because I grew a lot as a person and met H there! And this is coming from someone who has an over $100,000 education with $40,000 of it in SL debt. Surprise

ameliaandmatt · January 2010

As much as I would love to be a SAHM I'll be going back to work after DD comes. While I'm not the breadwinner, my job has excellent benefits. I'll continue working and we'll use my insurance, as well as contributing to my 401(k) and letting them contribute to my Pension!

Also, I like the fact that DD will be in an Early Learning Center. I wouldn't be able to provide the kind of education and socialization that the ELC can on my own if I were a SAHM. The school where she will be going Kindergarten "graduates" are able to read, write cursively, add, and subtract. She also will have had daily lessons in Spanish, science, history, geography, art, music, sign language, and Bible. The hope is that this will give her a leg in 1st Grade so that she can truly enjoy learning throughout her life.

My SIL is a SAHM and my nephew doesn't get to socialize much. He doesn't play well with other children and has horrible seperation anxiety. I realize that most of this has to do with SIL's Attachment Parenting techniques, but I don't want my child to make herself physically sick every time I leave the room. I would much rather her be a happy child who is secure in the fact that her basic needs will always be met, even if Mommy's not there.

bayhunter6 · January 2010

I would love to be a SAHM but I don't think it's in the cards for us. We'll see what happens but if things continue as they are now with our jobs, it makes more sense for me to continue to work, at least part time, and stay with the same company.

herray · January 2010

Chrissy3321:
Also, if I did want to stay at home I wouldn't think my education was a waste because I grew a lot as a person and met H there! And this is coming from someone who has an over $100,000 education with $40,000 of it in SL debt.

This is my issue...I'll feel so awful if I'm staying home and H is working to pay my loan debt. Looking back, I wish I would have gone with the cheaper school....but we all have different experiences right?

I think I missed out on a lot of the college experience. H & I were already together before I started school, and I never lived on campus or got much involved in student life. I wouldn't change it for the world though.

njbrowneyedgrl74 · January 2010

I don't think it's in the cards, but I wouldn't mind it at all. Having worked in many childcare centers, I know that interaction is wonderful for young children. Even if I was a SAHM, the child would still go to preschool part-time.

LoveMyPEguy · January 2010

I will definitely be going back to work after baby is here. I enjoy working for the most part and did go through a lot of college to get where I'm at. I also make a great wage for my occupation and I love the company and Dr's I work for. I am very fortunate to have the job I do and work in the office I do. I plan on taking 10 wks maternity leave. I will also possibly have the option to cut back on my hours if i want to, so that will help. But I also agree with pp's on the benefits of daycare and socialization. I know it will be hard to leave a tiny baby in a daycare and it will break my heart, but we all do what we need to do. I think in the long run, the baby will benefit from it. And we are already researching the local daycares and getting referrals from friends. We will start visiting them soon.

Sarah05102009 · January 2010

I'm with everyone who said that college was a benefit, whether I stay at home or not. I just earned my master's degree and I wouldn't change that for the world. I do have to say that my wish to be a SAHM did influence which schools I went to - I knew that I didn't want more than just a couple grand in SL total for both my undergraduate and graduate school.

My mom was a SAHM and I think that helped us socialize even more than a lot of the kids at daycare - I started art classes as a toddler and because I had problems with coordination at a young age, I also took gymnastics. There were lots of play groups and fun things to do. I do think that any parent (SAHP or working parents) can socialize their children well - there are a million ways to do that. DH's family doesn't believe in SAH parenting, but I was really open with my desire to stay home. While I don't think he necessarily understands it the way I do, he's really supportive of the idea.

It will be awhile before we have kids because DH is still earning his MS and we want to have a "home" before we start ttc. We have no idea where we will be living in two years; I just want us to be done with school before something that life changing. I feel like we got married so young (24) that we can just enjoy being married for at least a few more years!

I guess SAHP was just such an important part of my life growing up and I enjoyed all the activities and freedoms it lead to that I want to share that with my kids as well!

herray · January 2010

Sarah05102009:
My mom was a SAHM and I think that helped us socialize even more than a lot of the kids at daycare -

I was starting to worry about this. I don't want anti-social kids, but I think they can benefit more from being with me. I grew up an only child though and never went to daycare, I was always cared for by a relative. I don't consider myself anti-social, but I don't know if others would. I have two much younger brothers who are in daycare right now, and it may be because they are boys, or that they are so close in age, but it seems like they pick up a lot of negative attitudes and behaviors from daycare.

We have a lot to think about before we have kids.

tgirl613 · January 2010

I won't SAH because, like pps, I would go stir crazy if I were at home all the time. I'm also the primary breadwinner, and DH would need to get a different job if we were going to live off of his income alone.

Being a SAHM is actually very hard - I know from friends' experiences that it can be very isolating, and you have to work harder to provide your child(ren) with socialization. I applaud those who choose to do it, although I don't see any harm in placing your child in daycare if that is your choice.

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