Need some advice..a strange situation

Lisalou2 · January 2010

Hi everyone,

So on Sunday night I was admitted to the hospital and had to have emergency surgery. The doctor had to remove my right ovary, fallopian tube, about an inch of intestine and a 10 cm 4 pound tumor the tumor is not cancer and we are very thankful for that. Now I have been released from the hospital however I can't do anything on my own. We have only been married 2 months now and I am afraid that my husband is going to lose his attraction to me. He currently has to help me shower, go to the bathroom, dress, get into bed and even walk. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? When we had a follow up appointment this morning the doctor said to wait 2 months until sex my husband laughed and said it will be a lot longer then that. He says everything is fine and maybe it is just me but I am still worried for him. Any help would be great... Thanks for listening..

HawaiiLover · January 2010

I wouldn't worry. He married you for life, in good times and in bad. There is no secret that you shower and use the bathroom. My hubby and I got past that a long time ago. I don't think I'm any less sexy to him when he sees me on the toilet

As for the sex thing, you have to wait until you are ready, mentally and physically. Maybe just talk to him and let him know your concerns and fears or any holdups you might have after surgery. I think you are making too much of the whole thing and your hubby might too. Good luck healing

pastrypuff9000 · January 2010

Did you ask him why he laughed and made that comment? That comment would have hurt my feelings as well, but it's possible he didn't mean it the way you took it.

My XH had a peri-anal abscess which led to an anal fissure that caused him a lot of pain for weeks several times a year. There were times I had to help him do many things (including clean the wound), and I didn't stop wanting sex because of it.

I think the vast majority of people are able to recognize their spouse as a human being. Hopefully you didn't marry a guy who expects you never to fart, burp or poop.

Pr!nc!pal_Dann!e · January 2010

I would just talk to him about the comment and how it made you feel. Something along the lines of " I love you and I really want to be intimate with you. When we were act the doctor and he told us to wait 2 months before sex, you said it would be longer than that and laughed. It hurt my feelings a little bit because I didn't understand what you meant. What did you mean?"

I hope he wasn't meaning in a rude or mean way and I would assume he didn't. Guys may be raised to be the "stronger sex," the fact is they get scared just like anyone else. since you just had a major surgery, he may have thought that it would take him a while to feel comfortable being intimate with you because he doesn't want to cause you discomfort or injury.

Honeydewchestnut · January 2010

I had surgery on my tailbone region last October and DH (then FI) had to help me do everything for about 2 weeks. I had to have help getting up, laying down, going to the bathroom, showering - basically everything you've described. He wasn't exactly excited about having to wait awhile to be intimate but we made do without actual sex until my stitches were removed and the dr. cleared me.

It may suck right now but it is a temporary situation.

kmlluvnmh · January 2010

This part of the for better or for worse part of the marriage vows.

I would talk to him about the comment, though.

imoan · January 2010

I have a feeling his comment meant that he was so terrified of hurting you, that it's going to be awhile before he feels he can have sex without the danger of inadvertently hurting you.

anna2029 · January 2010

kmlluvnmh:
This part of the for better or for worse part of the marriage vows.
I would talk to him about the comment, though.

I agree. I wouldn't worry about it. He loves you and marriage is not all about sex. Let him help you now during this and then you can make it up to him later. In the meantime if he needs some lovin, give him a hand job.

jsmithoregon · January 2010

Go slow when you are ready for sex, get him to really turn you on first so your body responds to the stimulation. My guess is yes it will be longer than 2 months before YOU actually want the sex, and maybe him too because he is afraid to hurt you. I had a surgery similar to yours and my FI is always afraid to hurt me, which sometimes he does. We are learning as we go. One thing that helps is once you are off the pain meds you will want the sex more, but def heal all the way first. Sex is not something you need to give your husband for him to love you, he loves you regardless, especially if he married you and is taking care of you. His comment probably meant he is scared to hurt you.