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Need help with sticky friend situation

 

Last week my friends & I learned that an old friend was in the hospital and was so sick she might die.  We all lost contact with her-she has a personality that sometimes made friendship hard.  We were thinking of ways to help her family b/c we still cared even though we hadn?t seen her in years (meals, flowers, visits, etc).  Someone called her FI to ask how we could help and the FI gave out some info on her situation.  At that point we learned she had just started turning a corner and will probably survive.  Well her parents found out that we all knew and pretty much flipped out on one of the friends when they saw her in Kroger.  They accused us of gossiping and violating the family?s privacy-never mind that we didn?t tell anyone else about her situation.  Plus her FI was the one who was spreading info on her situation, not us!  During the same conversation her parents proceeded to give way too much info on her condition, lifestyle, relationship, etc (seems they do not approve of her FI or current life).  So much for gossiping, right?   My question-would you still do something for the old friend?  We were shocked when we heard she might die-for me it made me think about our friendship and I was sad we had lost contact.  The friend who wanted to take the family meals pretty much said F all of them after her parents went off on us.  I?d like to think they?re just very scared and stressed right now, on the other hand I?m starting thinking of the saying ?the apple doesn?t fall far from the tree.?  I used to think it was just the friend who had some issues but now I?m thinking it is her entire family!  At this point I really don?t feel comfortable doing anything more than sending a card.  Should I even do that?  Her parents? reaction has really thrown me for a loop.  At first I thought I wanted to reconnect with her, now I'm not so sure.
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Re: Need help with sticky friend situation

  • i am sure her family is stressed, however, that gives them no reason to be hateful. I am sure that a card will do the trick, but I wouldnt do more than that.

    Good luck 

  • I would just go with your gut. Would it bother you if you sent a card and there was no response? Or would it bother you more not to send one at all? Just do whatever makes you feel at peace with the situation.
  • I'd still send a card.

    Getting in contact with this friend again doesn't mean you have any obligation to spend time or communicate with her family.

    My ? to you is - are you willing to sign on for a friendship with this 'hard' friend again? Your eyes are wide open as to what you'll be dealing with. If you're just wanting to re-establish contact b/c you feel guilty about losing touch - then don't bother. Guilt is not a good basis for a friendship. If you care about her and she adds value to your life - and you're willing to deal with the 'hard' - then call her. People are whole packages - you can't pick and choose to only take the easy parts.

  • I would send a card, nothing more.
  • I would send a card because no matter how nasty her family has acted or how poorly she herself has behaved in past she is experiencing a very trying, difficult time and she deserves the care and compassion of others. I like how a PP said to do what would give you peace about the situation.  There is no harm and no obligation in offering your thoughts and prayers to this girl and her fiance.  Don't hold the mother's behavior against the daughter. 
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  • I would send a card because the reactions of her family aren't necessarily the feelings she has for you and your group of friends. I think a card can mean the world to people.
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  • imageMoesten:
    I would send a card because no matter how nasty her family has acted or how poorly she herself has behaved in past she is experiencing a very trying, difficult time and she deserves the care and compassion of others. I like how a PP said to do what would give you peace about the situation.  There is no harm and no obligation in offering your thoughts and prayers to this girl and her fiance.  Don't hold the mother's behavior against the daughter. 

    I agree. Plus, it would be kind of weird to have a long lost friend contact me, then vanish again without an explaination. I'd send a nice card.

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    I wrote this! 
  • I agree, card is the way to go and then leave it at that.
  • Taking the parents' weird reaction totally out of the equation (cuz there's no explaining that one), I would only send a card if you were wanting to re-establish a relationship with this person.  You can feel bad for her and her situation, pray for her, etc. from a distance if this relationship isn't good for you.  Sending a card only sends a mixed message to her and might be the crack in a door that you don't want to open. 
  • i agree with all the ladies and i would stick with a card and see what happens after that!
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