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How do I....?
So I need help or advice on how to try and hint more to my husband for him to be more romantic. Honestly, he treats me like a queen and does anything and everything for me and will basically buy me anything I want (if he can afford it) but I feel he thinks that all those things are him being romantic when I would want him to do more of the actual romantic things like surprise me with flowers, or surprise me with an unplanned date night.....some things like these. Just the little things, I'm not looking for him to fly me to Paris for the weekend or anything (although that would be nice).
I've tried to point blank tell him that I want him to be more romantic sometimes and I explained that I'm not asking for much. I also told him how much I love and appreciate all the things he does for me and all the gifts he gives me but when there's rarely any romance those things just seem like something my mom or brother could have done for me.
Now, don't get me wrong we have a wonderful relationship and most of the time we can't keep our hands off each other and when we sleep we have to be tangled up so for the most part we really are lovey dovey when it comes to that stuff but I guess what I'm getting at is that I want him to be more spontaneous and surprising instead of being stuck in the same 'ol routine.
Any advice on how I can subtlely get my husband to be more romantic without having to tell him or ask him to be?
Re: How do I....?
Read the book "the 5 love languages". Apparently the two of you have different ways of expressing love.
GL
well...what do you do for him? What romantic gestures have you brought his way? Maybe you can just make things happen for yourself by going ahead and planning that perfect date night and doing it for him?
Sounds like you're being extremely picky...he gives you gifts, you can't keep your hands off each other, you cuddle in bed and are all lovey dovey but you want romance....maybe he sees this AS romance, maybe you married someone who just ISN"T the "surprise you with night out" kinda guy.
Has he ever been the spontaneous romantic kind of guy? If he's never been that way, no amount of hints or wishes will make it so. If you want a guy who's constantly doing stuff like that, you have to marry a guy like that. You can't marry a regular guy and then hope and wish he would be more romantic.
Personally, I think your expectations are too high. If you want those things, ASK for them. But, expecting him to want to do it of his own volition is unrealistic, and you're setting him up to fail.
First off being subtle just isn't going to work. Guys are not wired like we are, they need to be told directly what it is we want/are talking about.
Second, sounds like you two just express your romantic views/ways in a different way that's all.
I used to get all that cutsie stuff when we were dating but when we got married it changed to more practical stuff * I'm a very practical sort of person and he knows that*. Like, out of now where he will do the laundry or dishes. Or he'll just come sit with me and cuddle up and watch t.v. with me.
He does surprise me sometimes still. Like for my bday....he got us tickets to go to NY and see Phantom of the Opera again and stay the night at a ritzy hotel. Not that I wanted to see Phantom again yet this year but he knew it was important for me to see it again sometime soon. Over the summer he surprised me with a ghost hunting tour (over night and locked in) of Eastern State Penn in Philly. He knows that's my thing,not so much his.
In return, I've gotten us tix to his fav band (I kinda like them), I've gone go carting with him (not really my thing) I've gone to see him race in the freezing cold (last Jan.)...little things like that.
What you need to remember is that he does do a lot of things for you (from the way you make it sound) and sometimes, it's really those little things that matter most.
Kristi and Kerry June 21,2008
Well i'm a man and I don't have a clue what it is you want/are missing......
Actually, you sound a bit of a nightmare to be married to.....Not trying to be unkind.
Try telling him what things you find romantic. (Don't do it in a lecturing way though). It could be that he thinks buying you everything you want is romantic.
Don't expect him to be different from the person he was in the past. If he's never been the romantic gestures type, you bugging him about it won't change him
Ditto
Are you implying here that females have a universal and innate ability to read minds? Men are not dumb animals who "need to be told directly" what to do. I'm pretty sure both men and women have an equal chance of not being gifted at picking up on subtle clues from their SO.
Also, I'm kind of agreeing with Oldbugle, which is a first. Sorry OP. My advice would be to pick your battles wisely.
You TELL him - It would really mean alot to me if you surprised me with flowers from time to time.
What do you do for him that keeps the romance going?
He may never be more romantic. If you want more romance - create it.
Good lord I wish I could read friggin minds I'd be a millionaire by now.
No what I'm implying is that woman tend to "read" people a bit better and pick up on subtle llittle details a bit better than men. I sure am not saying that men can't do it too. Heaven knows my DH can at times pick up on subtle things just not as much as I can. You have heard of womens intuition right?
I too agree with you and Oldbugle that OP should pick her battles wisely. Sounds to me that if she has flat out told her DH what she wants and he is not responsive to it then maybe she really is just to picky and should just thank her lucky stars for what she has and what he already does for her. Afterall, marriage is not a romance novel and one should not take for granted the nice (maybe little) things in life that our SO's do for us.
Kristi and Kerry June 21,2008
ditto this. great book
Double Ditto. This book will really help.
I'm with OldBugle here, I have no clue what you want. You say he gets you gifts, cuddles you, treats you like a queen, does stuff for you, but isn't being romantic?
What is left? I'm not trying to be snarky, but is it just date night surprises you want? Like do you want him to not tell you what you are doing every weekend, and have him surprise you with movie nights, out for dinner, weekend trips?
That sounds exhausting to me. Maybe 1-2 times a year, but not more than that.
As previously stated.#1 Read the 5 love languages together.#2 Men fail at ESP, hints, suggestions, double meanings,innuendo,telepathy or knowing what they should know without being told.
What you're insinuating here is false.
You're kidding, right? I hope you have an excuse for being an idiot such as e.g. being married to an idiot who you assume must be like every other man in the world.
Why exactly is it cool to stereotype men in your opinion?
Love it.
Kristi and Kerry June 21,2008
I know this might sound crazy. but if maybe you started to do romantic things for him, he could learn from you. I don't know it worked with my husband. Sometimes men want to do something sweet but they don't have any ideas. Just a thought...
Hope everything works out!