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What do you think about spanking?
Interesting new study out: http://www.canada.com/life/holiday-guide/spanked+child+better+adult+study/2411348/story.html
What do you guys think? I agree wholeheartedly with this study - that spanking a child before the age of 6 is actually beneficial to the child in the long run.
I was spanked as a child. And because of it, I was a little angel!! My mom really only had to spank me a few times - then all she would have to do was count to three and I would stop whatever I was doing before she got to two because I knew a spanking was coming and I didn't want it! I never got "grounded" or had my tv taken away - I got spanked and that was it. I had friends who didn't get spanked and got those types of punishments instead, and let me tell you...they were BAD kids! It's like they knew they were getting away with murder because big deal, they have to stay in their room without a tv for a day.
I also agree with the finding that getting "spanked" as a teen leads to behavioral problems. My mom smacked me (I don't think it's spanking any more when you are hitting someone almost as big as you!) when I was a teen and would mouth off to her. But all it did was make me angry at her and think about ways I could be a bigger PIA and make her madder.
So, I agree that hitting a teen is not a good disciplinary measure, but spanking a child is totally appropriate. My DH got spanked too, and we will spank our kiddos if need be.
Re: What do you think about spanking?
ohhhh...good topic. I've definitely thought about this - and DH and do need to discuss what will be our consistent parenting style, per say.
I think I agree with the first comment after the article. one quick pat/spank after 3 warnings, kind of thing. hopefully we won't have too naughty of a boy!
I've already 'swatted' my dog's butt - lol. I felt terrible after wards, but she was being so naughty! it only happened once and I definitely realized after the fact that there are more effective ways to discipline a dog.
Kids on the other hand - I can see how this could be effective during a certain age range.
I gotta say I am in the pro spanking boat as well. I was generally a good kid
, but I think spankings helped me be even better. By the time I was a teenager, there was no spanking involved. I think I turned out pretty alright.
*Just gotta note, spankings and downright beatings are the norm in my country.
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*I actually haven't read the article in the link cuz i have to get going.
I just want to say that i also believe in spanking. I was rarely spanked when i was younger, so i guess it got the desired effect when it did happen. There was also the 'belt' threat (and my dad had an Army belt - they don't mess around with those things
), but that never happened cuz my sister and i put 2 and 2 together that if hands hurt...
I've made comments to DH about spanking and disciplining our (possible) future children and he's kind of given me the side eye. So we'll have to discuss this in the future as well. I just see his twin niece and nephew that are so badly behaved cuz his bro and SIL don't follow thru on any of their warnings/couting to 3/threats! So they basically *do* get away with murder! It makes me so angry!!
My bf spanks her boys and also makes them say 'yes/no ma'am/sir' and they are wonderful boys and more respectful! I love it!!
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I didn't read it (I'll admit it), but I am totally anti-spanking. If we are going to teach children that violence is not ok, and hitting is not ok, why would we model behavior that contradicts that. Sure it might get them to not do something, but not because they understand why not, but because they are afraid of getting spanked or hit. The last thing in the world I want is for a my child to be afraid of me. And if that is how mom and dad get a message across when they really mean it, what do you think the child will try when they want to get a messge across.
Other routes of discipline might not be as quick, but they are more respectful of the child and more consistent with the message I hope to send to Beatrix. Parenting is a lot of work, and to me, spanking seems like you are looking for a quicker result. There are lots of other strategies! Oh- and when I have worked with children at daycares who I know got spanked, I found that they were less likely to respond to other forms of discipline (like verbal reprimands or re-directions).
I have to agree with Tracy. I am not for spanking. I've had my fair share of spankings and "the belt" and like Tracy said, it only made me afraid. Don't get me wrong, my parents didn't beat me or my siblings, but they did hit us enough to make us afraid.
My sister has 2 children and she does not spank them. Her son is 12 and autistic so therefore he does not fall in the category under normal, behavioral circumstances, so she would never hit him. But, my niece is thankfully, a healthy child with no clinical behavioral problems, but like any other normal child, she can talk back to my sis and her husband or just not be 100% cooperative all the time and my sis has never spanked her. All around is she's a great kid. She may not be 100% with my sis and her hubby, but she is when it comes to respecting her peers, along with kids her own age. She does well in school and doesn't seem like she has any behavioral issues.
I bookmarked the link so I can read it when I get back home (since I'm on my way to the gym) but just off your OP, I can tell you that I can think spanking is a great thing. I, unfortunately, can also attest to how bad it is to spank/hit a child in their teens. I grew to become very anxious and depressed but I don't want to turn my PP into something else.
Great topic of conversation though.
I absolutely agree with Tracy and Bonnie. In fact, as I was reading all the responses before hers, I kept trying to formulate what I was going to say and her first paragraph describes exactly what I was thinking. I do not think that spanking is appropriate (and I was spanked as a kid... in fact, I remember one instance where I talked back to my father egging him on as he was about to spank me - so I do not think I had more respect for him because of it. That being said I was a pretty good kid - regardless of spanking)
I do think there are better methods of discipline (redirection and distraction at Sasha's age, time-out for older toddlers, natural consequences for older kids, etc.) I think that at times, spanking may even be the parent not being able to control his/her anger and looking for a quick fix for the situation. That being said, I don't know how I feel about grounding kids either, I don't think that that will necessarily teach the kid what he did wrong.
Oh, and the article felt a little too vague. I feel like there were too many "mays" and "mights".
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I am not completely against it, I think in Serious situations (like running into the street, etc.) it is potent tool that may make a stronger impact than any strong talking.
However, to date, I have found that simply speaking to DD in a VERY SERIOUS tone and using words like DANGER, NOT SAFE, ANGRY, NOT NICE will cause DD to crumple into devastated tears and make a lasting impression on her behavior (she'll talk about the event afterwards, tell me that it's not safe to run away in a parking lot, etc.)
I think the most important thing is to "Not Lose Your ***". If you let your anger drive you to yell, scream, hit, etc. then you've lost perspective and control of the situation. If you are using a spank as an effective tool to make an impression on a child that doesn't respond well to other tools, then make sure that you use it as that, "a tool" rather than a result of your anger and loss of control.
I think this is the most important thing - whatever method of discipline you use has to be a tool for teaching lessons, and not just a reaction out of anger.
I think we can all agree that children should understand that there are consequences to their actions, and if they are misbehaving, there will be some sort of repercussion. Whether it is spanking or not, I think punishments need to be meaningful (not "go to your room" if the room has a Wii, cable tv, a computer and a phone) and there has to be follow-through (not "you better stop by the count of three or you are in trouble! 1...2....2 and a half....2 and three quarters.....ok, I'll give you till 5!), or else it's not going to work, whatever the method.
Interesting discussion! I like seeing the different points of view.