Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Totally frustrated... long (sorry!)
My work/school situation is ruining who I am as a person... 
allow me to explain.
So I'm a 3rd year in what could be a 7 year program. At the end of your first year, you pick a lab to do your thesis research in. I ended up picking a lab that was NOT a good fit for me... so I ended up switching in the middle of my second year.
I found this new lab, that does GREAT work. And I'm really excited about that. But I can't get over how behind I feel on the research, based on what year I am in school. So I have been busting my booty trying to feel caught up. Anyways, I guess from the stress and me panicking and rushing, I've been making more mistakes than usual, which puts me further and further behind... which only makes me more stressed... you get the picture. And because of school I never have time for myself, forget dentist, doctor's appointments, haircuts, etc etc. If it wasn't for my crockpot recently, we would have had to order take out every night.
So NOW DH and I have people coming in this weekend, and really I should spend the whole weekend in the lab, but I feel bad for my guests. And I've been getting rather snappy with DH because of the stress... I'm not sure what I should do because I've felt this way 95% of the time I've been in grad school, and things don't ever seem to get any better. I'm adding things faster to my to do list faster than I can take them off. I don't have time to sit and think because I have so many experiments to do... Ahhh...
So I'm trying to figure out what to do, because I don't think I can keep going on like this. 1. Drop out. Probably not the best idea since I get a stipend from school that pays our mortgage. 2. See a therapist and get medicated. I know some people in my program that get anti anxiety meds but they feel like it makes them less productive, so they usually discontinue them. 3. Run away and join the circus. So far, this is my best option.
Anyone have any words of wisdom?
Re: Totally frustrated... long (sorry!)
Is there any way (financially or other) you could repeat a semester to get caught up? I know 7 years is a LONG time, so the last thing you want to do is make it even longer... but 7 years is also a long time to be feeling the way you do. If you love the work and invested so much time in it already, I think it would be worth it in the long run.
Sorry, I don't know much about research programs though... so that might not be possible. ((hugs)) and ((vibes)) for things to get calmer.
No. Not really. I'm done with classes and exams and everything... so now it's just dealing with the research. So unless I take a leave of absence, I will always have a start date and an end date. Basically, I have to research a problem, and then publish two papers in academic journals and then write my thesis, and then defend in front of a committee of 4 professors. So it takes students as long as it takes them... The average is 6 years for my program, but it has taken people longer...
I'm going to give it to your straight: you are in danger of burning out, if you're not there already. As a former academic advisor, I would encourage you to speak with your academic advisor, and if you don't have one, a person you trust that oversees your work, knows the program, etc. Chances are, an academic advisor will either have worked with someone in a similar situation, or who has been there themselves.
I don't want to come off as all "advicey," but I'm going to throw some questions out there...
In terms of the overall degree, are you sure that this is something that you want to do. Being interested in something and actually doing it are two different things.
Is the program going to get better/easier/less stressful as time goes by?
Are there committments in your life that are making it harder to do your job/schooling effectively? Are these commitments going to lessen over time?
Is this degree something you need to be doing NOW (at this point in your life)?
If you could have one things to make getting this degree easier, what would it be?
MY BLOG!
Well let me start by saying I am SUPER impressed that you're in a PhD (or equivalent?) program. That is seriously hardcore, and it is completely understandable that you would get overwhelmed. However, the last thing you want to happen is work for 6, 7, 8 years and have it not come out right. So you need to slow down NOW. Get the foundation right.
You don't mention how DH feels about the situation. You need to know that you have his support 100% (and promise to apologize when you get snappy!) He needs to understand that you're not going to be able to be as socially active and able to do as many extracurriculars as someone who is not in a higher ed program. On your end, knowing that he understands that and backs you up gives you the freedom to stop feeling guilty about it. Additionally, you need to explain this to your friends and family. I am sure they will understand, but hearing from them that they understand will do YOU a world of good.
Talking to someone is probably a good idea, but I wouldn't jump right to meds as an answer. A good therapist will be able to teach you coping skills to deal with the level of stress that you are under. If s/he decides that you might need meds to help, then that's the time to do it. Your school probably has a counseling or health center that can get you set up. I know you probably don't feel like you have time for therapy right now, but again, you need to put the time in NOW to make sure all your hard work pays off in the end.
And last, this might sound cliche, but it's important - make sure you are eating well (take a multivitamin!), getting some exercise and getting as much sleep as you can. That will make a huge difference in how you feel.
Very well said, Katie!
Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to talk to someone. I mean, I don't think I am alone in feeling this. It's a really hard schedule and really screws with your emotions. It's a rollercoaster ride for sure.
DH says he's supportive of whatever I do, but he doesn't really define his feelings on my school situation because I think he wants me to make the decision myself. And I know the BEST thing would be for me to be able to hack it and graduate... it's just such a long road. And I'm just starting on a new project, so it feels even longer. I'm trying to have both short term and long term goals as far as my research goes, and that has been helping to at least keep me organized. But really, some days (or some weeks) are better than others and this is just a down day. So thanks for listening.