Bad Daughter? Possibly flame-worthy??

SheriandMark · January 2010

Okay, so I know none of you really know the whole back story to my non-relationship with my mother (this is also the reason I say my mother on here, other wise I would not use such words when referring to her) but I wanted to ask this anyway.

MIL is my mothers PCA (yea, goes with the story) so she gets to take her to all her appts, etc. I forget how long ago, but MIL had told me my mother had to have polyps(sp?) removed from her colon to be tested. She got her results back (via a letter...I think) a week or so ago and turns out they were cancerous, now to me, that is signs that she either has, or could very well get colon cancer (tell me to stfu if I'm wrong here, cause I really don't know). Upon receiving such news I felt no remorse or sympathy what so ever for this woman. I feel nothing at all, not even the tinest hint of emotion about it, as much as I hate cancer, and would never wish it upon anyone, I couldn't care less that she has it. To kind of sum my feelings up for her, if she were to pass away tomorrow(again I do NOT wish anything of the sort, on ANYONE), I wouldn't shed a single tear, I would almost feel relief of sorts.

I told a couple people about it (again, like you guys, all but 1 of these people don't know the back story) and I heard "Wow, you're cruel" and "Um, that's a little mean, it's cancer", to much worse. Except for the 1 person who knows the back story and said I have a right to my own feelings and feel the way I do after everything.

So now I'm second guessing myself and my feelings. Am I really just a cold-hearted biitch or are my feelings in a way justified, if you will?

I know it's kinda hard to answer this without knowing the backstory to my relationship with her, but just know, or at least take my word that she should have never procreated. If you are curious, I am willing to share the story but would not look for pity from anyone. I try not to be the "woe is me" kind of person, I always try to look at the sunny side of things, but with her, there is/was no sunny side.

veruca5839 · January 2010

I don't know the backstory, but I think if there's a reason why you do not have a relationship with her now then it's ok and natural to feel the way you do about this news. I don't think, in general, people should feel obligated to have certain feelings for parents or relatives just because they're parents or relatives. If something negative happened, then I think it's ok to reevaluate the relationship. If there's no longer a relationship and there was a lot of negativity in the relationship, I don't see why you should be made to feel that you need to be upset about hearing this about your Mother. Only you know how you feel and why, that's all that matters.

kdonedizzle · January 2010

From previous conversations that I have had with you, I know *most* of the backstory. I feel that you have every right to feel the way that you do. We cant control our emotions, or lack thereof. I feel the same way about my stepfather and if I saw him drowning in a pool I would smile and wave.

Some people don't get it and some never will. Alsotoo, you could surprise yourself feeling this way now and once something does happen, it could completley change. I know that you say that it never would, but crazy things happen.

Either way, it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. If this is what gets you by then by all means, keep the toxins out of your life.

loregopar · January 2010

I know at least some of it from your old blog, and I don't think you should feel bad about your feelings. Your relationship with this woman has been in bad shape for ages, and these news really don't change the past. I think you're entitled to your feelings, and those people are being too quick to judge without knowing the story.

And I'm sure you already thought about this, but if things are the way they seem to be, just take a moment to consider if there's anything you want to say to her in the case that it is cancer and turns out to be really bad (as in fatal). Just make sure you don't "keep" something you'd rather say to her face, so you have no regrets in the future. JMVHO

hudysgirl · January 2010

I cannot give an honest answer without knowing the backstory. I understand if you don't want to rehash it all though.

TWiNKfly · January 2010

Meh, who cares what other people think. Honestly, try not to let it get to you. They don't know your relationship with her and so for them to make judgments based on scant information should tell you how dense they are.

jweat013 · January 2010

I wouldn't judge you even if you were cackling with glee and wishing for the cancer to eat her alive. And I lost my dad to cancer, so I know how terrible cancer is (as do many, I'm sure). You have an absolute right to your feelings, and it doesn't make you cruel or a biitch to feel that way, IMO. The end.

Ceboardman · January 2010

I cannot say that I know exactly that I would feel the same way, and hate to try to liken it to too much. But my FIL will probably do a dance of joy and throw a party the day his dad dies because he has been such a "poison" if you will, to his life, his late mother's life, and plenty of other people's around him. You're by no means the only one who feels that way, so I do not judge you.

cmk1108 · January 2010

To me it sounds like you are totally indifferent to the whole situation, which I'm guessing is due to your history with your mother. I say history and not relationship because it doesn't sound like you have that. So it makes sense to me that you would feel the same way towards your mother as a complete stranger.

JackandCassie · January 2010

Sheri, no one can tell you how you're supposed to feel. You either feel it or you don't. You can't make yourself have feelings for your mother. There's a reason you don't and you know that. Don't let other people judge.

code_8 · January 2010

My personal feeling is this, you're entitled to feel the way that you do regardless of a relationship or lack there of. I don't know the back story but I get the jest of it from some of the comments you have made in the past.

There comes a time when you just shut yourself down/remove yourself from the hurt and the anger -I've done this in relation to my dad and I'm guessing you've done the same with her. If my dad were to die tomorrow it wouldn't phase me. I would hurt for his mom and dad - who I haven't seen in 25 years - more than anything else.

breannek.ot · January 2010

cmk1108:
To me it sounds like you are totally indifferent to the whole situation, which I'm guessing is due to your history with your mother. I say history and not relationship because it doesn't sound like you have that. So it makes sense to me that you would feel the same way towards your mother as a complete stranger.

Ditto this.

ariajean · January 2010

Postulate 1: (Human)+(Beings) don't deserve (bad things happening) to them.

Postulate 2: If a (Being) lacks (Humanity), it is not a (Human)+(Being) and is therefore not excluded from (bad things happening).

Feel free to join my little logic circle.

Bad Daughter? Possibly flame-worthy??

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