Getting close to O, and wanting to stop

dixieonny · January 2010

I've had this problem where, while either having sex with SO, or trying on my own, I'll get to the point where it feels really good, then I just want to stop... For the longest time, I thought that was 'it'.. now I know better, and have had orgasms before.

for example, I'll be on top, and really getting into it and enjoying it, then when I reach a certain point of it feeling good, I quit. it's like I push the "Turn Off' button.

any advice?

Violet_McPurpleson · January 2010

I used to have this problem too. I think it's psychological. I think mine had a lot to do with previous sexual abuse.

dixieonny · January 2010

And the other thing is.. I seem to have such a low sex-drive, that I'm hardly desiring sex. I think some of it is my BC pill.., but I also think that maybe I'm just not letting myself enjoy sex enough to want it again.. yeah, it feels good, but it's not enough to make me desire it more.
I know my fiance is wondering if I even want him sometimes, because I rarely initiate, which he wants me to, but I have to WANT to do it first! Usually once we get started, I'm good to go, but still have trouble totally reaching O. I get close, or may have a small one at times. I don't doubt he's wondering if he'll ever please me, and I know it's in my head. I've tried a glass of wine, a shot of vodka, and trying to get myself to just enjoy and stop thinking so much.. maybe I'm still thinking too much, though!

AHH.. it's soo frustrating!

DaringMiss · January 2010

So you have experienced orgasms in the past. How? What got you to go over the edge? Why not do that *alot*?

When you and your DH have experienced many orgasms together, have formed an orgasm groove, it will be easier for you to push beyond the psychological block and cause you to have orgasms in other positions or other manners.

Varanessa · January 2010

I have this same problem. I've been told it that mine was possibly because of a past bad sexual experience.

melissa_perez16 · January 2010

I have the same prob. It drives me crazy! I've never been able to finish with my hubby...Though I havent had any bad experiences really. I think its just being uncomfy with myself. It really sucks but you can just keep trying! You have your whole life! =]

jsmithoregon · January 2010

I found I had same problem I just couldnt get to the O I would try try try and just couldnt get there, it became exhausting so eventually you start to stop. This can be caused by certain medications or diseases, where you are unable to O. Look up your meds on internet and see if they have that side effect, especially birth control or psychiatric meds. I found out I had Hashimotos disease and was just having all sorts of problems from that.

jpeazybreezy · January 2010

You have to get inside your head. What emotions are you feeling when you near O, and what emotions are you feeling from the sexual experience in general? Remember that women narturally have an ebb and flow to their arousal, so it's not uncommon it to feel really good at one point, and then for it to ease back to not so good at another. If it's only at the point where you feel close to O, I'd say it's something unconscience that doesn't want you to feel that again, like you don't deserve it, or like it will bring up something you don't want to think about. While I personally believe that most time sex and alcohol don't mix, maybe you could try a cocktail or something else to help you relax and really turn inwards to focus on how good it feels.

Mrs.Masie · January 2010

You have to let go. Just enjoy the moment when you're together and clear your mind of everything and anything else. If you stop focusing so hard on whether or not you will O, it will happen easier.

Just relax and enjoy the ride.

minette22 · January 2010

I used to have problems with this too. and it is really all in your head!! when you think about it too much it is very difficult!! what i do to keep my mind off it is talking dirty!!! keeps me in the moment thinking about my DH not about the O!!

Yvette92 · January 2010

I used to have this problem A LOT! I think I wouldn't let myself O because I thought there was something wrong with it... or dirty or something. Just let yourself go and realize that it's ok to have the pleasure of O's.

dixieonny · January 2010

Thank you all so much. For one, it's nice to know I'm not abnormal in having a problem! I do realize I need to just stop thinking and let go, which is what I think about.. which isn't helping. I think too that somewhere I've told myself there's something wrong or dirty with having an orgasm, sex, and masterbation. I mean, just typing the words makes me feel odd. My fiance is like the total opposite. lol. I think he's been so patient with me, and all I want is to show him how wonderful he is, and how good he is.. lol.. and that I totally enjoy him in this way.

Again, thanks!

Junebride007 · January 2010

I have this problem and realized that it was a control issue. I don't like the feeling of not being in control. I don't like skiing or outdoor activities where you lose a sense of control and go for it. Unfortunately, this also goes into my big O. I get right to the point where I am about to lose control and I stop.

Getting close to O, and wanting to stop

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