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Problem with the big O
I've read a lot of stuff looking for answers and I'm running out of ideas. This probably has a lot TMI, but I don't know how else to put it. Basic problems is that I can get the point where I'm aroused and all the tissues down there swell. The problem is whatever we were doing to get to that point, suddenly doesn't feel good any more. Actually, it's more like I can't tell what he's doing at all. The whole area just seems to go flat, as far as sensation goes. The only thing that still sends a strong signal to me is the tip of the clitoris itself, which is always at least as painful as it is pleasurable.
My clit is always a mix of pain and pleasure (I always wear jeans that are too big for me 'cause it's uncomfortable thanks to my clit), so to start things off we always use the hood to protect it or something along those lines. But like I said, that only takes us so far and then nothing indirect seems to work. I have tried to reach the O on my own. Used the bathtub dripping water right on the clit the first time, and that worked. But it was painful too. The memory of the pain lasted longer than the memory of the pleasure, so I didn't do that again. I tried just using my hand and ran into the same problem as described above. DH has tried oral several times and, again, same problem.
I learned yesterday that my mom had vulvar vestibulitis or vestibulodynia which she handle with a low oxalate diet. She's thinking maybe I have something similar, just centered on the clitoris instead of the vagina.
I would love to hear any suggestions or ideas.
Here's more background, in case you think it's pertinent. I'm 23 years old, been married 7 months. Never did anything other than kiss until we got married. Never tried masturbating until it'd been several months and DH couldn't figure me out (he was a virgin when we married too so a lot of things have taken time and practice). Oh, and I didn't find out until we married that the reason I've never worn a tampon is because my hymen went all the way around my opening and the hole simply wasn't big enough. So it took a month of pain to stretch things and deal with the emotion to finally get to where we could have sex. Sex is really good now and I generally find it fulfilling, just no O for me. Which, needless to say, is quite frustrating.
Re: Problem with the big O
Have you talked with your doctor about vulvar vestibulitis or this whole situation? Also, there are sex therapists out there, some that specialize in virgin newlyweds.... A friend of mine is a sex therapist and she's helped a lot of couples!!! It's something worth looking into!
I've never worn a tampon is because my hymen went all the way around my opening and the hole simply wasn't big enough. So it took a month of pain to stretch things and deal with the emotion to finally get to where we could have sex.
The horse is out of the barn but there is also surgery that you could have had to remove a hymen.
You never went to a physician about this? You spent how many years wearing icky diapers instead of using tampons? You have given up how much time and fun swimming and sports?
Thanks ladies for you comments.
No, I haven't seen the doc yet. I just learned about my mom this weekend. I thought this was normal and I just needed to work thought it or something. Nothing was working... but I never suspected it wasn't normal. Still kind of reeling from the possibility. I guess Mom dealt with hers through a diet so I'm going to try that and see if it makes a difference. I'll call the doc in a few weeks after seeing if the diet helps.
And yeah... always pads. Mom always did pads so after one frustrating attempt, I just went with the easier option. I did try to get a pap smear right before I got married, but since I wasn't sexually active my doc figured it would be less painful for me to just wait until after. Now I wish she would have just done it, I could have at least tried to stretch the thing myself if not had her do something about it.
Anyhow, thank you for all your advice. It's nice to know Mom's not the only one who things things are kind of weird. Maybe I'll find a way to resolve this now. :-)