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Potential Baby Names (long)
Disclaimer: I realize there is an entire Bump board devoted to this but since the Bump makes me want to kill myself with a spork, I'm hoping someone will humor me with a semi-baby related question. Here goes...
DH and I have been discussing baby names and have come up with 2 or 3 options for each. A girl will be Audrey Dawn or Amelia Dawn. A boy will be Jadon Michael or Jacob Donald. Jacob is actually our first choice for a boy however since the moment we announced we were expecting, my sister (M)has been telling us that she has claimed the name and we cannot use it. Jacob was my grandfather's name and we were both very close to him.
The problem is that neither my 2nd sister (D) or I can recall a time when she has said that she wanted this name for a future son. M is 22, not dating anyone and most likely is not going to have a child for a couple of years. I talked to my mom about it tonight and let her know that it is on our list but we knew M was not happy about it. Mom said she's known for years of M's intentions but is the only one.
My argument is that I don't think it's right for M to tell us we what we can and cannot name our child if she's never mentioned it before we were expecting. I don't want to hurt her but at this point, there is no guarantee that either one of us will ever have a boy. If we do have a son and settle for a second choice only for her to have all daughters, I know I'd have at least a little resentment because she guilted me into not using the name we really wanted.
So for those who eventually want children, what are your thoughts? Am I the selfish biitch if I use the name she wanted but never told D & I about? Or is M out of line for expecting us to change our plans for a son she may never have?
FWIW, I really did not want to tell either family the names we have picked out but since M has brought it up nearly every time we've talked, it became necessary.
Re: Potential Baby Names (long)
Hmm, that is a really tough situation. I've never had to name a kid, so please take my advice with that grain of salt, but I think the way to go about this would be to sit your sister down for a heart-to-heart. Be honest. Tell her how excited you are about this kid, about how much you love your grandfather and want to honor him, and about how you understands how she feels the same way.
After an open discussion like this, where she sees that you wanting to name your potential son Jacob comes from a place of love for your grandfather and not a place of competition with her, I think any reasonable person would see that you have every right to use this name. I'm sure your grandfather had a middle name, or there are variations of Jacob (check a baby name book?) that she could one day use down the line if the situation arose. But I would try to nip this in the bud. If she doesn't back down, weigh your options. Do you want to give your kid a "second choice" name for the rest of its life? Would your sister get over it? Is there another grandparent you can honor?
Also, I understand that it is pretty uncouth to criticize someone's baby name choices, so please forgive me, but I just want to point out what a common name Jadon is becoming. So, there's that. Jacob may be also rather common but it's classic and has meaning for you.
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Grandpa did not have a middle name so that option is out. D is actually pregnant as well and knows she is having a boy. She mentioned that they thought of a variation of Jacob and M threw a fit. My other grandpa is Albert and his grandfathers are Donald and Leonard. We're just not really interested in using them as a first name but maybe middle names.
I do like Jacob because it is classic. Jadon was our second choice because it is a combination of Jacob and Donald so there would be some meaning behind it.
Lark basically said everything I was thinking. I don't really believe in nonpregnant people claiming names for their nonexistent spawn. And I'm kinda bitchy, so I'd take Jacob and run with it. Like you said, there's no guarantee she will have a kid, let alone a boy. And by then she could have moved onto a different name. What if her future husband is very tied to a relative of his and wants to carry on *that* name?
And also... I'm anti any variations of the Aidan phenomenon that's plaguing the past five years of baby names.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
Lark said and Mamie summarized everything I would have said. Extra emphasis on the statement in bold.
This and just pick a name you guys like, your family will get over it. Right?
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There are no "dibs" on names. That being said, B's cousin has claimed our boy name #1, and B's sister has claimed our boy name #2 (Brady and Jack - both of which B and I have loved for a long time). If I spawn first (which is probably a guarantee) I don't give a damn about who wanted the name. And I don't think they'd hesitate to use them knowing I liked them.
I guess at this point tho I'd just wait to see what you end up having. If you find out you're having a girl, the whole convo kinda goes away.
This situation always reminds me of SATC.
Charlotte: Stop it! You're not gonna clean up at your own shower.
Laney's friend: Yeah relax, cause once little Todd or Shayla comes around, you'll never stop cleaning up.
Charlotte: Shayla? Did you say Shayla?
Laney's friend: It's so unique, isn't it?
Charlotte: It's so my name!
Laney's friend: I thought your name was Charlotte.
Charlotte: No, it's not my name, it's my name! My secret baby name that I made up when I was eleven years old for my daughter when I had her. I told you. Don't tell me you don't remember.
Laney: No I'm sorry. I really don't.
Carrie: (voiceover) A complete lie. She remembered. We all remembered. Charlotte had made us all swear never to use it.
Laney: Anyway I think my husband heard it somewhere else.
Charlotte: Really, where, because I didn't tell him.
Laney: I can't believe you're freaking out over a name.
Laney's friend: I mean, you're not even pregnant.
Charlotte: That's not the point!
Samantha: (joining) What's going on?
Charlotte: She stole my baby name.
Samantha: You ***! Let's go.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
Mamie beat me to the SATC scene...I was totally going to post it.
I don't think M has any right to the name. I agree that you should have a heart-to-heart with her. I really think it's going to come down to how she reacts to that -- is she so hell bent on it that it will ruin your relationship with her? Will she be a vindictive aunt and take it out on your kid somehow? (I actually knew someone who did this...she hated the name her brother/sister-in-law picked so she refused to call the baby by his real name. Immature? Yes. Possible? I don't know M, but if she's already throwing a b*tch-fit and she's not even potentially preggo, I wouldn't put it past her.)
I also have to say that I claimed the name Audrey for a little girl a long time ago, so you'll have to go with Amelia.
Hahahaha. Just kidding. Seriously, though, I think Audrey Dawn is a WONDERFUL name for a little girl.
I will also point out that Jacob is the #1 boys name this year (2009...I think. Maybe it was 2008). Either way, feel free to blame Twilight.
the first one to have a kid gets first choice of names in my opinion.
i'd try to talk with your sis, explain your reasoning for wanting to use the name, but i'd wait to bring it up until you know youre having a boy. But think about it... what if you went with your second choice name just to save this one for your sis, then she either never had a son or changed her mind about the name?? i know id be pissed.
I agree with whoever said to wait to find out whether you're even having a boy. No point starting something when you don't even know if it's an issue.
I also agree that you can't shotgun names. That being said, I really don't see the problem with more than one person in family having the same name. I have cousins who have the same first name. And one of my cousins has the same first and last name as his cousin on the other side.
One of my friends had a name that she loved. Her then-boyfriend's (now husband) brother named his kid that name. Then, her own brother named his kid that name. She was bummed, but realized that she might not even have daughters and anyway she can still use the name if she really wants to.
So I guess what I would do is wait to see if you're having a boy. If so, sit your sister down and say, "I love the name and want to honor Grandpa. I know you love the name too. If/when you have a boy, I think you should also use it. I think Grandpa would love having more than one baby named for him. But, in case you don't have a boy, I still want someone to be named for him." And the other stuff about how it's not about her.
I guess sisters flip out at pregnancies too, not just weddings.
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I don't watch enough SATC, but I was reminded of the scene from Friends where Rachel wants Monica's baby name (and gets it). lol
Ah, pop culture, you have a reference for everything.
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Flameworthy confession. I've done this.
My bro and sis are 10 & 11 years older than me. When my bro's wife got prego she wanted to name their daughter Madelyn. I got mad because I wanted that name. I didn't make a big deal out of it but she did end up going with a different name, Grace. Not sure if it was because of me or not. FOREVER I super positive I would name a girl Madelyn.
Guess what, I still like Madelyn but DH doesn't. So while it's still one of my top names (along with Charlotte, Olivia & Meredith -- which were also ALL vetoed by DH) we both like Natalie a lot more. If any of you biitches take Natalie I'll knife you!
I completely forgot about that SATC episode. It's been too long.
I will defintely sit down and talk with her. I would be fine with us both using the name because I think there are enough variations/nicknames that it would work. And realistically, the kids will have different last names and live in different states. The only people that would know would be immediate family.
We can find out what it is next month although we were going to wait and let it be a surprise. After talking with DH last night, I think we might find out just to put this to rest.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I think anyone that eventually wants children has thought about names at some point. Expressing disappointment when someone close to you choses a name you like - completely normal. Making your sister feel like a horrible human being for her entire pregnancy because of it - going a little far. No flames here.
In this case... just go with it, it's not like the kids are going to be neighbors/best friends/etc. I have 3 cousins (2nd or 3rd cousins - my family is huge) with the exact same name as me... first, middle, and last. I'm the oldest but we are all within 4 years of age. It happens. If M isnt even prego she has no valid claim.
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So D, who is currently pregnant with a boy wants the name too but is willing to roll over for M to possibly use it? There's only one solution: Paper, Rock, Scissors. Seriously. You all three love the name and want to use it. There's really no fair way to decide who gets it other than random choice.
Then, let's say you win the name and Cooky Monster ends up being a girl, the other two can battle it out for who gets dibs next time.
D mentioned Jacoby but I think they ultimately decided on Isaac. She will have 2 under 2 when the baby is born and her husband deployed to Iraq at the beginning of Jan. On top of that she is trying to finish her last semester of college with a double major in elementary/special ed. She is not as attached to the name so she's just going with whatever makes life easier at this point.
This times a million.
Use the name. By the time (if ever) she has a child, she can choose to either name him Jacob and he can share a name with his cousin or she can move on. Maybe she will marry someone who HATES the name Jacob. Don't plan your definites around her maybe sometimes.
Not a fan of Jadon but that doesn't matter since it's your kid!
If my sister or family member had a name they wanted to use I would say whoever has the kid first gets the name. I try to stay away from any names that family members want. Could you use Jacob as a middle name instead?