Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
no sex drive after baby
I feel awful. Since I had my 13 week old I have no want to be near my husband physically. He is being really patient with me but I know it is killing him. At first it was nervousness from delivery, I was cut and still tore some. But after being cleared I didnt tell my husband. Then I didnt get my bc filled, in fear it would show I was ready. Iam still breastfeeding and heard that lowers your hormones but this much? anyone else ever have this problem? what do I do?
Re: no sex drive after baby
Well, WHY don't you want to? BFing can cut down on your libido a bit, but from what you're saying there's something else going on. Are you feeling weird about your body?
I think you need to be honest with your H about things. To not tell him you were cleared isn't being honest with him. How would that make you feel if the situation was reversed? You can tell him "honey, I've been cleared but I'm still having some doubts about getting started back up again". And then TALK to him about why.
I agree with Geek. Not being truthful with your husband is damaging to your relationship. You might want to talk with a counselor/pastor/etc to work thru your post partum feelings.
And also, you may need to force yourself to do it. The saying the more you do it the more you want it is very true.
My sex drive didn't really come back until DS was closer to 8 months old. I did some reading and found a term that really fit how I felt - "touched out". Physically and emotionally I was so wore out from giving to my DS that I just didn't have the desire or energy to be physical with DH.
And yes, breastfeeding can lower your libido. So can sleepless nights with a newborn. So can the fulltime demands of taking care of a newborn.
But you have to be honest with your DH - you HAVE to talk to him about this. It's not fair to leave him in the dark wondering what's wrong. This is his problem to fix too - maybe you need more help with the baby. Maybe you need more romance/affection from him. Maybe you just need an understanding ear to vent these feelings too. But you have to communicate your feelings to him.
Your libido might not go back to what it was right away. But you can find other ways to connect with your husband that leave you both feeling happy and fulfilled. And yes - while I would never advocate having sex when you don't want to, having sex even if you're only slightly in the mood might make it easier to get fully in the mood quicker.