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I know I said I'd suck it up, but....
For fuks sake! This SIL bridesmaid from hell is already driving me fuking bananas! She has NO class, tact, not even the slightest insight into how things she says and does affect others (or maybe she does and just doesn't care).
I sent her a VERY VERY VERY polite email 2 weeks ago (after I'd had a discussion with my sis about her specific desire regarding a shower/stagette) letting her know, based on the info from my sis, what I thought was appropriate. I suggested a location, date, everything. I also suggested a budget (which I thought was more than reasonable given the fact that this woman is brokity broke). I asked her to get back to me in a week with her thoughts/suggestions.
I haven't heard from her. Then I get this email from my sis about how this woman just freaked out that she thinks I am being unreasonable about the budget (not that it's too high...that it's too low) and that sh's got all these wonderful ideas for stuff, that I haven't considered, etc. She gets my sis all fired up about this stuff, and starts lecturing me about how I need to stop fighting with this woman! WTF?!?! She hasn't even gotten back to me. Like, for real. This is a fuking joke! Why would this woman go to my sis instead of coming to me?
Beside it not being the responsibility of the bride to participate in the planning of her own shower, it pisses me off b/c my sis and BIL and under a HUGE amount of stress about other things right now (and this woman knows that) and she still just piles this sh!t on her. F-ing cow.
Re: I know I said I'd suck it up, but....
I would just say to sis - I'm sorry she contacted you about this. I dont' know why she wouldn't contact me directly. I'm sorry if this is stressing you out sis, but, you chose this woman to be in the wedding party, not me - I can't do anything about her behaviour.
And i would just send an email back to the girl and say "hey, I haven't heard from you re my ideas for the shower/stagette - can you let me know what you think?" and pretend you never heard anything from your sis.