Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My turn to Vent- Long (& unimportant really)
Compared to all the misfortune in the world going on right now, this really isn't a big deal but I just need to get it off my chest...
Our baby shower is this Saturday. We're having it at my DHs friends restaurant. We wanted it there because we wanted to give our friend the business and get a good deal since I insist on paying and not letting my BFF, the hostess pay for the food. I keep asking the restaurant owners daughter for a month now how much it will be and she won't answer me. She'll answer all my other questions but not that one. So I kept asking over and over on Sunday and she said, "Please stop worrying about it!!!" What does this mean? That they are not charging us? We are having quite a spread and I'm so worried about getting the bill and we won't be able to afford it. I told her that word for word and told her we're tight on money, then I said, "well if we can't afford it, we'll come back on Sunday and do dishes" DH is a little irritated because we wanted it to be mutual benefit, both of us helping each out and other now it's only them helping us. We both feel bad having them do this. But that's not what I'm irritated about...
The RSVP date was last saturday. Every single day since then we have more people calling and saying they are now coming or bringing a friend, or they now have their kids for the weekend and they are coming too. We found out through the grapevine that a family of SEVEN are coming who didn't even bother to rsvp!!!! It's DHs cousin. Only the mom was invited but she's bringing her nasty husband and her FIVE kids. Our shower is co-ed and some families the whole family was invited but not hers because I can't stand her nasty husband and her annoying kids. I guess they figured since some families the whole family was invited, hers was too. I thought it was our shower so we could invite and not invite whomever we like. Guess I was wrong. Her sister, a fancy-ass event planner in California is coming too, even she didn't rsvp. We JUST NOW found this out because she called and asked if she could stay with us tomorrow night, oh and btw she's bringing a friend because she doesn't want to drive from California by herself and she doesn't want to drive w/her sister (b/c of their annoying five kids I assume). So now we have DHs cousin who I don't really know/like and a perfect stranger staying in our home the night before and the night of our baby shower. GRRRR! DH says this is just how his Filipino family is, even the Americanized ones. The more the merrier they think.
To be fair, DHs family are not the only ones doing this, some of my friends too which I can't believe. I thought they understood etiquitte. We already told the restaurant we are expecting 30. Now I have to call back and say we're having 45. I feel so bad/embarrassed doing that after they told us they are not charging us (or we think they are not charging?). And 45 people for a baby shower (plus 4-5 toddlers)? HOLY SMOKES! We only had 32 at our wedding! This is out of control! We could man up and tell people not to come since they were not invited or it's too late to rsvp but honestly it would cause more drama than it's worth, esp. w/his family.
Really I guess it's nice that people want to be part of this day but whatever happened to RSVPingl!!!! We even had it where they could call, text, or email in hopes that people would rsvp. Then they don't, my hostess calls them and they never call back? Geez, some people! I wonder how many others we don't know about are just going to show up? This is worse than figuring out who was coming to our wedding (where we had seven people rsvp who didn't show up but then had two show up who didn't rsvp). In addition to all of this, the weather here is terrible and scary and we had tornado warnings tonight and my BFF and I are pretty pissed at each other because of something unrelated. We're being nice to each other but it's still very stressful.
Okay, it's all out. Thanks for letting me vent ladies.
Re: My turn to Vent- Long (& unimportant really)
UGH! It's like wedding RSVPs all over again! I don't blame you for being frustrated...I just don't get why people do stuff like this! I also don't blame you for worrying about paying for it (or not paying for it) - I tend to think that it sounds like your DH's friend is going to comp it, but I'd want to know for sure too.
(((big hugs))) Hang in there sweetie!
Oh my goodness. That's a lot to handle. I would feel very uncomfortable with not knowing how much it is going to cost. I would budget about half of what a normal person would pay (guessing a friend discount would be in that ballpark). If they do it 100% as a gift, just be gracious. They must love you and want you to be happy. When people want to be generous, it is best to be very thankful. You can always do something nice for them some other time when it is appropriate.
Regarding the people... extended family... friends... oh, my! At first, I thought, that is ridiculous. People can't impose like that!
... but, then, I read the Filipino part. That changed my mind. They are the most loving, welcoming people on earth. I will never forget my Filipino college friend and her family. My friend was always nice, but aren't all of your friends? She invited us to drive from New Orleans (college) to stay with her family in Florida in the summer. We just figured it would be a road trip and a beach vacation. We got to her parent's house well after midnight. Her mom had a huge spread! I can't even tell you how much food was there. Everything was complicated, as in it took days to cut and marinate. She had counters of food beautifully arranged. She had our beds ready for us. She was amazing. I had a birthday that was near the time that we were staying there. My friend must have mentioned it to her parents, because they insisted on taking us to a nice restaurant to celebrate. I felt awkward for total strangers to do so much. However, before long, I realized that they got a lot of pleasure from seeing us "kids" happy.
I know that your shower seems complicated. Know that everyone is gathering around to celebrate you and your family.
Newlyweds since 2007
Oy Julie. I am sorry. Something like a shower is not supposed to be stressing the mama-to-be.
With the friend's who own the restaurant...I agree...sounds like they'll comp. I would budget to pay for at least the alcohol (if you're providing it) and tips for the staff. I would also call them one last time and say, "I know you said not to worry about it, but I am. I have budgetted $XXX for this event and hope that we can work with that number. If not, please let me know ASAP." That way they know what you can do and if they chose to comp it will be a lovely gift, but if they are going to have you pay, they know ahead of time what you have planned on spending and they can adjust the menu accordingly.
As for the family impositions...that's tough. I am sorry. Sounds like a cultural thing for sure. Can DH take care of that part of it? And the unwelcomed house guests...eek! Annoying. Is it too late to call them with the name and numbers of some local hotels? Seriously. I shudder to think what will happen once Ryan is actually here. We're starting to get the calls from everyone who wants to visit once Libby is here and I am still on maternity leave. We're talking 3 week old +....we have offered our guest bed (which is in her nursery) and even then, people are saying, "no, we'll book a hotel...it'll be more comfortable for everyone that way." Thank goodness! These are family of mine and close friends. And no one is coming for longer than 3 days.
Anyway, hang in there. I hope you patch things up with BFF...that won't be fun to have her hosting your shower if you're not getting along. At the end of the day try to have fun and enjoy this celebration. And just know...NO ONE will shop off your registry and you'll mostly get baby clothes. For real. So just focus on the celebration and hope people include gift receipts!
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I got out of having to go to my baby shower...by going into labor the morning of. Whoopsie
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
All of that would annoy the crap out of me. But this is what I was thinking while reading this:
1) I think the food will be free
2) You will get 50 million baby gifts at this shower.
and then it will be over and you will be glad for all the love and generosity!
But in the meantime, I think the whole thing sounds like a PIA!
I agree with all this! Everything with work out and I hope you can patch things up with your BFF
I also think your frien will comp the food. I agree with Lori's suggestion about offering to pay for drinks, tip servers, etc.
I am Filipino so I can relate! It's a cultural thing. Filipinos are bad RSVPers!! They either don't RSVP but show up or RSVP yes but don't show up. Sometimes, if you invite one person, the whole neighborhood comes along lol. It's frustrating. Sorry, you have to stress about it.
you are so right! My DH was complaining to his mom about all of this and she was like, what's the problem? And why didn't you invite these people and those people? Who cares if 75 people are at your baby shower, more gifts! (she doesn't understand that we'll probably get a bunch of clothes that we'll never end up using). She truely does not see the problem even though this happened to her a week before Christmas. She invited 6 people over to celebrate SILs birthday and about 35 came and she was not very happy that night!
I feel a little better about the cousin staying with us. She has offered her home every time we come to California (but we always stay with a cousin that we are really close to instead). She's always tried to be friendly to me even though I try to avoid her. I don't know why but neither of us like her very much even though the whole rest of the family thinks the sun shines out her ars (they just go on & on & on about how beautiful and wonderful she is
). That's not her fault though and we've decided to really give her a chance and try to get to know her this weekend.
And for the food... I talked to the owner's daughter today and they finally gave us a price that is very fair. We feel SOOOOOO much better about this now since it is now mutually beneficial! (and since we are paying we're not feeling so bad that w'ere up to 51 people plus 4 kids
)
Oh this is good news! I'd feel so much more comfortable having a final figure to work with, and I know you must too!
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats