First time to this board!

jennicg27 · January 2010

So my DH and I have been married 7 months....we dated and were engaged for 2 1/2 years before that. When we first started dating we had sex all the time(several times in a day, for the first year and a half). Now that we are married, and getting into more of a routine, we have sex about 3-4 times a week. I know that is still good, but sometimes I do it even if I don't want to so I don't hurt his feelings. He would still do it everyday if I wanted to, but I don't feel as much of a desire to. I understand that couples slow down after being together for a while, but I feel guilty because he married the girl that wants sex constantly, and now I could live with just doing it once a week.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice? Should I still do it even if I'm not really in the mood, or sit down and have a talk with him.

Thanks girls!

aurora123179 · January 2010

You need to figure out why you aren't in the mood anymore. Are you experiencing more stress over the last few months? You need to talk to him about this. You need to be open and honest with your husband. Think about how awful he is going to feel when he finds out that he has been "forcing" you to have sex. I am sure that is the last thing in the world that he wants to do. And it will hurt him that you didn't talk to him about this.

texaswife09 · January 2010

I agree. You may have that change because of meds or something else too. I also agree that talking would be great. I know that my hubby and I have learned that we have to talk about alot because there is a huge difference in the way we think! Talk about it, Im sure he will be understanding and he would want to know how your feeling.

pastrypuff9000 · January 2010

Is there something he could do to help you get in the mood, a little more foreplay or a new place and position? It sounds like you are interested in meeting each other's needs, and that's great. If there were something he could do to help turn you on maybe you could both be happy with 3-4 times per week instead of everyday (his ideal) or once per week (your ideal).

mrs.tweet · January 2010

jennicg27:
). Now that we are married, and getting into more of a routine, we have sex about 3-4 times a week. I know that is still good, but sometimes I do it even if I don't want to so I don't hurt his feelings.

First of all, congratulations! You have a husband with a high sex drive who wants to have sex with YOU.

As for routines, try to stay away from them! Are you bored? Is it because you do the same position every night? Are you orgasming? Is it too short? Too little foreplay?

Now, having sex because you "don't want to hurt his feelings" is...well, silly, in my opinion. Maybe it is because I come from the other side of the fence--I'd say yes even if I wasn't in the mood because I don't know when he'd be in the mood again. (Thankfully, that is changing because he's getting his self-esteem up and working out again).

Is it because I was in pain? Tired, hungry, bloated, gas, upset, PMS-ing, headache, whatever. I started to say yes regardless of how icky I felt because I love my husband, I love making love to him, and that's the one thing I don't get with anyone else. For me, it is a big deal. Now, that's not to say I don't turn him down now and again, but I try not to because I LIKE to please him sexually.

If your hubby is at all like I am, you should have a discussion with him. Analyze your needs and his needs. Tell him what you want to make sex more enjoyable for you AND for him so that you are both being satisfied. Maybe it is as simple as he thinks YOU expect sex more frequently. Do you initiate it when you want it? He may think it's his "job" to make sure you're getting as much as you want when you want. The best way to deal with a situation like this is to communicate clearly and directly with the person involved.

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