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Really Need Advise - Painful sex and low drive
I'm not really sure who else to ask. I'm probably gonna make an appt. with my OB/GYN soon to see if I can get any info there. I've had a low sex drive for a couple of years now. I'm fairly certain it's been due to BC and I'm gonna see about changing mine or going off of it altogether. Which brands have y'all had good results with in regards to getting your sex drive back?
My husband and I got married this past October. We held off sex for a whole year following so that our wedding night would be more special. Of course, the first few times back in the saddle were a bit painful which I expected. We don't have sex a whole bunch and never really have. Usually once or twice a month. That's not a bad thing for us, it's just how we run so we haven't had too much since we got married but most of those times, it's really just been tight at first but I was able to get accustomed. The last three times though, I just have this kind of burning, stretching pain that won't go away and we've had to stop because it just hurts too much. Any helpful tips or stories of your own and how you may have had a similar situation would really help. It's really starting to affect us emotionally, especially him. Thanks in advance.
Re: Really Need Advise - Painful sex and low drive
I've had lots of problems when it comes to sex, but nothing like you've described. First of all, are you getting enough foreplay? Does it hurt when he fingers you? Does it sting when you pee? Is he clean down there? Are you allergic to condoms, soap, etc?
Have you tried using condoms? (This got rid of the burning, stinging pain for me.) Also, if we don't have sex regularly I have a tendency to react adversely to it with a throbbing, swollen, stinging, almost UTI feeling.
What about lube? A nice water-based lube could help tone down the friction.
Have you tried setting the mood for when you have sex? It might help you relax if that is part of the problem (tense, dry, whatever).
Thanks for your response. We definitely do enough foreplay. I actually also have a problem with dryness so we always do foreplay for awhile as well as use a water-based lube. When he fingers me, I'm fine. It's only with his penis that it hurts. I have no known allergies.
We use condoms as well and have used the same kind throughout our whole relationship.
It just really stinks because we never used to have these problems at all.
I don't really agree... also, she has said a couple times now that the frequency isn't really the problem. The reason I disagree is some months H and I can only have sex 1-2 times(because of life, schedules, whatever) and tightness isn't really an issue ever ... we are kind of all over the place in terms of frequency. This month it was a lot, last month it wasn't much at all. So... I just think every vag is different in terms of that. Sorry if this was TMI!
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Well, Angelofmusic87 ? I am not sure if this is going to be helpful or not but here goes. I do however; hope and pray, you find some good use from it ? that it will help in some way! First if you had no problems with intercourse prior to marriage even after stopping for a year before getting married so that the wedding night would be something special for you both and you seem to be using the same condoms that were being used then - then the possibility of them being the problem is quite remote however; it can happen. Latex can and does irritate some people ? even after being exposed for some time without problem(s). Second, if you are now on a different BCP then you should suspect them. Either way you see an OB-GYN as soon as possible so they can evaluate you and them. Get checked for an allergic reaction to the condoms, BCP, or any other changes you have made since having sex the year before marriage. Also have your hormonal balance evaluated. It does sound more like you?re having a bacterial infection or an allergic reaction more than any other problem(s). Third, the use of BCP?s does in many women cause them to lose libido ? their sex drive and many cases of them becoming extremely dry in the vaginal area ? causing sexual intercourse to be quite painful, even causing them to not want intercourse at all with their husbands because of the pain associated with it. So you need to be aware of this side effect with them. Fourth, I notice that someone advised you to get an over-the-counter product for yeast infection ? this is not a good idea now; without first seeing a Doctor or at least directly talking with a licensed pharmacist ? telling him or her that you are taking a BCP and the name of them as well as any other prescription medication or over-the-counter medication you are taking. Note: Mixing any medication whether prescribed or purchased over-the-counter can cause serious even major problems. As to your frequency of sex ? whether once a week, once a month, once a year, or ten times a day has absolutely no bearing on how tight it is when his penis is inserted into your vagina ? comfort is not determined by how much or many times you have intercourse what so ever. The vagina is a very elastic and will stretch with ease. So there should be absolutely no problem(s) with tightness or stretching what so ever; but the burning is another matter. By being tight and having a stretching, burning feeling in your vagina this really sounds more like you have a bacterial infection of some kind. You do need to see a Doctor preferably a OB-GYN. ~~Emily~~
Thanks so much for your full response! I will be going to see my ob/gyn soon and will hopefully get to the bottom of this. I bet it may even be a mix of things. It's also been reassuring to know others have had similar problems and have been able to get it cleared up.
I think I may need to frequent these boards more often! So many friendly and helpful people!
A couple years ago sex started being quite painful for me and my sex drive plummeted. Now it's not as painful as it once was, but my desire for sex is practically non-existent because it just seems like so much work for very little enjoyment. It hurts a little going in (probably because I'm nervous), then it feels good for a few minutes of penetration, and then it starts to sting/burn. If we don't stop right away, I often find a small dot of blood just below my vaginal opening and I'm sore for days.
I have been to a doctor who says she doesn't know what's wrong but thinks the pain is a psychological thing stemming from when I had a yeast infection that caused pain a few years ago. I tend to disagree, but I don't have insurance so I can't get a second opinion.
I know this isn't very helpful for you, but please do let us know what your doctor says. I agree it's nice to know others have resolved their problems!
BFP on Jan. 18; EDD Oct. 1