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Open Letter Thursday
We've got to get SOME conversation going.. this is possibly THE SLOWEST we've ever been. WTF?!
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(Background: my BFF announced on FB she's expecting.)
Dear FB "Friend" (someone BFF and I both grew up with; BFF and she are fairly good friends... apparently better than I realized) -
Posting these two comments in response to BFF's announcement is considered smug:
"Yah, I don't have keep my mouth shut anymore. Very excited for you "
"Very happy that [BFF] shared her news with everyone. I always hoped we would be pregnant together:)"
Please refer to Pregnant Women are Smug. I dedicate this song to you, beyotch.
GFY,
Paula
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Dear New Landlord,
Please follow through on the things you said you were going to do/improve. Both MH and I are a little nervous seeing as our old landlord never did ANYTHING; please prove us wrong because we like you, the duplex, and think it has amazing potential paired with your building experience.
However, if you don't follow through, we'll be moving within the year. Please don't make us do that. 
Signed, Your New Tenants
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Re: Open Letter Thursday
I would like to write a very similar letter to our new lanlord.
Dear new landlord,
You seemed so great and efficient in the beginning, please don't prove us wrong. Also don't say maybe you are going to get the old fridge out, get the effing fridge out before we move in Saturday. I paying movers and arm and a leg and if they are there long than they need to be because of you there will be hell to pay. And don't tell me you will "try" to get us another key to the building and keys to our mailbox. Jeremy needs to get into the building too, it's a restricted key and you need to make the copy and we need to get into our freaking mailbox, are you joking? And telling me you will install smoke detectors "soon", umm no thats not going to cut it, they need to go in before we freaking move in. I don't need this aggravation. You are about to be on my list, and you don't want to be on my list buddy.
Love, Jo Jo
Dear David,
Where is my watch?!? ( I've searched high and low and can't find it). Somewhere someone may be finding a nice watch in the dump, I hope you enjoy it.
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Dear Clients,
Please make this busy season as smooth as possible. If you don't understand basic accounting ideas, don't make up journal entries as you go along. Ask for help. Also, give us your information sooner than later. No, we cannot magically produce a tax return in a day when it takes at least a week.
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Dear DH,
DO YOUR HOMEWORK! We are not paying xxx amount of dollars for these classes for no reason. My nagging factor will increase 10 fold. You thought I was a broken record last week, you haven't see anything yet!
Dear body,
I know we cannot continue to operate like this and i just need a tiny bit of sleep and it would be great if you could just let me get comfortable long enough to fall asleep. I would greatly appreciate actually sleeping at night. Thanks
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Dear people giving unwanted advice (SIL),
Please stop telling me i better get use to a lack of sleep. This has to be one of the most annoying comments ever to a pregnant woman. Unless asked i dont really volunteer any complaints to you. Just because you work in a daycare does not make you a parent. Plus, even though i will be waking up every few hours with a new baby at least i can lay back in any position i want and not get up 100000 times a night only to lay awake thinking about the impending birth!
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Dear hubby,
Your terrifying me. I really think your going to flip out when i go into labor and im sorry but your the only person i will have there to support me and i need you to keep it together please!
Also, theres a few things that i need to have done because i physically cannot do them and have this insane need to nest right now. Please just help me so i can feel better prepared. Ive been waiting on these things for like 2 weeks now and im running out of patience.
Lastly, i really want a date night this weekend because who knows when this little boy will come so please cooperate and help me to relax just for one day because i cant relax with this insane anxiety.
your highly anxious, wants to nest wife who needs a day of relaxing!
Dear CW,
You were hired to do accounting for a bunch of clients. Why is it that I am telling you how to do the accounting, and this is basic accounting. I also asked you where you got one of your journal entries from and you are asking me where the workpapers are located. UM HELLO, you did the entry, not me. I want to take her head and knock some damn sense into it.
To think you had an office for the first year you were here, and now you are in cube just like me. That makes me feel a tad bit better, not much but a tad.
Dear C/W,
Are you that much in need of attention that you feel the need to wear one of the lowest cut shirts that I've seen? We're all proud that your twins are so big but, seriously, you look like a slut!
Love,
Your c/w that knows how to dress for work and not dress like a stripper.
Thank you Michelle! You know how badly i needed that laugh
Thank you Michelle! You know how badly i needed that laugh