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Need to let it out.
I thought I'd be able to keep this inside, but I can't.
Regarding the accident Friday, I didn't sit in the car. I told M I did, but I didn't. The kid who died, I felt bad because no one was sitting with him, they were with the other kid because he looked worse off. So I got out of the car and went over to him and asked if he was okay (clearly he wasn't, but it's just instinct to ask such a question), I knelt next to him grabbed his hand, he squeezed SO hard. He cried. Said he was having a hard time breathing. Something in the pit of my stomach was telling me he wasn't going to make it. But all that could come out of my mouth was "You're going to be fine, help is coming" I just kept repeating this to him. I didn't know what else to say. Someone yelled if anyone was a nurse, a lady jumped out of her car and said she was, she came over to where I was and sat next to me, I moved, this is when I decided to head back to the car (all this was only a matter of maybe 5 minutes) to get out of the way. I dumped the whole bottle of hand sanitizer on my hands to wash the blood off, and I lost it. I was able to pull myself together before Mark eventually came back to the car, about 45 minutes later. He thinks I was in the car the whole time. I've been giving him attitude all weekend, and he keeps asking me what my problem is, I tell him nothing. This, this is my problem, I lied to someone, I told him he was going to be fine and he's not. I never thought in a million years I would be put in that position, especially with a stranger. I have no idea how to deal with this. I know what I did was nothing wrong, but to sit there and look someone in the eye and tell them they'll be fine, when they won't doesn't make me feel good. That was the hardest thing ever. I layed right on the ground with him holding his hand, telling him he'd be fine, for 5 minutes, I should have stayed out there. I'm so mad.
I've kept it inside I guess because that's how I deal with things. I always seem to think if I just don't say anything it'll go away. It isn't. I didn't tell Mark because, as stupid as it sounds, he had told me when we first pulled over to stay in the car, so I had myself convinced that he would get mad if he knew I got out.
Maybe I'm just being silly.
Re: Need to let it out.
Perfectly put. I think that it is very common to tell people that they are going to be fine during a trauma because they need to believe that they can be fine. You did all that you could do, and I am sure that he was extremely grateful to have you with him.
Ditto both. You did everything you could do. Anyone in your shoes would say the same thing. I'm sure he was very grateful to have you there with him at that time. I agree...I'd mention it to M. Don't feel that you need to shoulder this alone.
Darling girl, if I was lying on the pavement dying, I would want you (or someone!) there, holding my hand and telling me I was going to be ok, rather than lying there scared shiitless, alone and in pain. You did a very generous, caring thing for that boy, and if I was his mother, I would hug you and thank you.
I think you should tell Mark what happened, and you should find someone to talk to about this. I would be pretty d*mn traumatized, if that happened to me, and I would need to go see a therapist, at least for a little bit, to deal with it. Just my 2 cents though.
Big hugs, sweetie!
DItto above.
I am not a religious person, and I don't know your particular beliefs on the subject, but if you do believe in an afterlife, you didn't lie.
He is fine. Help did come. Maybe not on this earthly plane, but in the next. And you got to be his angel for 5 minutes, and that is priceless.
Oh, Sheri, I started to cry when I read this. You were so kind to that boy. You were there when he needed it and I'm sure you were a great comfort to him. You didn't let him lie there alone and frightened. Most people would be too scared to even hold his hand during a moment like that, but you were there. You moved away because you hoped that the nurse could do more for him then you could. It makes sense.
Please know you did the best thing possible considering the circumstances. At that moment, saying "everything will be fine" is so much more of a comfort than telling the truth. I'm sure you made his last moments much better than they would've been had you stayed in the car.
I would tell M. I don't think he'll be mad at you. You did a good thing.
Co-signed.
I haven't read your other post yet, but from this it seems you were the most compassionate, caring person you could be to him during his time here. If it were me or any of my family members, I would want somebody exactly like you there. And you need to tell M. This is too big to be brushed under the rug. Talking will help. He can't possibly be mad at you because people react to emergencies in different ways.
Big hugs to you.
Big hugs Sheri. I'm glad you go it out of you.
I agree with all the others. You helped someone probably more than you'll ever know just by being there. Like others said, you said exactly the right thing.
I know this is a huge quote now, but these girls put it best. At least you stopped and were there for him.
And I'm right there with everyone else... What you did was very brave... Would you have felt better sitting in the car doing nothing? You were probably a relief for him to have vs.sitting alone.
Ditto every word. God bless you, sweetie.
Ditto what everyone else said.
Please tell M because he is probably wondering what is going on and will be relieved to have an answer. You were there for him when he needed you and 5 minutes by his side is better than zero. You didn't know what the final outcome would be so please don't beat yourself up about this. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about this because I know I would need to after seeing something like that. ((Hugs))
TTC #1 13 cycles, CP 6/09, TTC #2 1 cycle
CDing, EP'd for 13 months for #1, BFing for #2
Pregnancy Hypertension - inductions at 39w, I grow big babies: DD was 9 pounds 1 ounce 22 inches, DS was 11 pounds even 22 inches - both vaginal deliveries
This.
ETA: Hugs. I think you did a very brave, courageous thing. And you did absolutely the right thing. So many people wouldn't have done what you did. You offered him comfort and hope- that no one else could or would. As an old friend of mine would say, "There will be extra stars in your crown in heaven for your good deed, my dear"
Sweetie, you held his hand and helped him stay calm in what ended up being his final minutes on Earth. You made that transition a little easier, rather than lying there cold, alone, and afraid. You did a wonderful thing, and there are not enough people like you in this world.
Tons of hugs to you, my dear. M needs to know, you need to be able to work this out in your head. You are a loving person and what you did was exceptional.
The girls are completely right Sheri! Tell Mark! Go through it together! You did an amazing thing for that man! You comforted him when no one else did! He probably had some hope for life with you there! He may not have felt like he really would make it, but you eased that for a while!
You did a GREAT thing! Take the girls' advice and talk to M...he will not be mad and he will be a great support for you through this very difficult time!
::hugs lady::
You did what any one of us would do. Dont beat yourself up for something you had no control over.
I am sure you made him rest a little more easy.
::hugs:::