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Need some friend advice
*I'll try to be as objective about this as i can. 
I have a friend, E. I met her thru my first real job here in NYC, so we hung out and became fairly close. (along with 2 other girls, so there was the 4 of us) Over the next few years, we all changed jobs, moved up, moved around, but pretty much stayed friends. Then E gets her first real boyfriend and becomes kind of scarce (totally understandable ). Then her father passes away suddenly and the other 3 of us try to be there for her. E and i would make a few plans to hang out, but she sometimes would cancel, or when she actually made it, she was severely late would only have so much time to chat and hang out before she was on to her next set of plans *and* would text the whole time. So i ended up feeling 2nd rate. And i promised myself that i would say something the next time. But there never really was a next time. (and believe me, i kept in mind what she was going thru, but i'm a human person and her *friend* and i was trying to be there for her!!)
We're friends on FB so i see what's going on in her life now; she's doing a lot of traveling, taking classes, and i honestly thought that she moved back home to San Francisco. But she messages me earlier this week saying she's sorry i'm laid off, but do we want to get together for lunch. And that it's just been life and changes that has kept her away/us apart. I haven't answered her yet. What i want to say to her is...
I thought she was done being friends with me. I was giving her time to figure out what was going on (since it seemed she didn't want help from any of her friends/me) and i wasn't contacted for a few years. And *now* she wants to hang out? (i'd say this all a bit better...)
DH also thinks that by my not replying, i'm kind of answering her. The truth is, i don't know if i want to be friends with her again. I know people grow up and change, and you can become friends again, but i'm not exactly feeling it with this one. So i don't know if a lunch meeting would be good.
Does this make sense?
TIA!!!
Re: Need some friend advice
i think people deal with things differently and in her case, that seemed to mean shutting out friends.
i think you need to decide whether or not you want to continue the friendship. if you do, then have lunch and see how it goes. you should let her know that you assumed the friendship was over and while that hurt, you are willing to leave it in the past and move forward.
if you don't want to be friends again then just don't reply. if you really feel you want to explain why, then send her an e-mail.
This.
I couldn't have said it any better. In life, I have experienced this myself, sometimes you have to let people go...but there's also a thing about giving a second chance! Good luck!
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hmmm...this is only a decision you can make, but I understand what you're going through.
I've learned through life that sometimes some friendships are just not meant to be. I've had friends that I've drifted apart with that have contacted me down the line, but I just knew that a friendship was not going to work. I thought about why it didn't work the first time around and just felt that I did not want to go back to that place with that person. I know every person and situation is different, so there really is no right or wrong answer...you just have to go with what your heart is telling you.
These things can be really tough-- I think first you need to decide how you would feel if you two never spoke again. If this is/was a really good friend who you hold close to your heart, then meet for lunch, talk out your issues in person (always better that way) and try and resolve them. If she continues to phase in and out of your life in the future, then maybe keep her around only peripherally, and don't rely on her to be your BFF.
If you've just had it, and don't care if you ever see her again, then just politely find a way to drop off the face of the earth. From your post, it doesn't sound like this is the case though, you just sound a little hurt and confused. I would just keep in the back of my mind that this is the way she is, accept her, and know that she's not going to be there for you always, and maybe it's just nice to have her around as a pal.
Good luck!