Sex & Romance
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I want it more than my husband.
Is there something wrong with me. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married, and we thought we would go crazy once we could have sex. But it seems like I am the one who always wants it. He says I am crazy and that he likes me being so horny. But it almost makes me feel stupid that I want it so much more than he does. Any advice?
Re: I want it more than my husband.
God does not put batteries in your lady and man parts after the wedding. Not that you should have tested the waters prior to getting hitched, but you would have known what a normal sex life as it applies to your relationship was prior to now if you had. I know people stay virgins for a number of reasons, and that is fine, but it doesn't mean that your desire for sex will just be on fire once you get married and have sex for the first time because you waited so long and the desire will just be so overwhelming that you have to have sex every day.
There aren't a lot of couples that are complete lustful body pirate nymphos every single day. That is rare. And just because it's new doesn't mean you will want it more either.
Take some time to try to figure out what the both of you find pleasurable. Sex is more fun when you actually are looking forward to pleasuring the other person, not just for the sake of sticking it in and getting of
Invest in a good vibrator.
You might have just married a man who has a lower sex drive than you do, or maybe he's just not comfortable with sex yet.
You bought a car that you didn't test drive first, now all you can do is drive the car and hope that everything works out ok, even if it's not as great as you thought it would be when you first saw it.
Is that why you're trying the back door, to get his interest?
Anyway, no, the wedding ring does not come with viagra included. People need to stop dreaming about what marriage really is and what is not. What is not? It's not a fairy tale with people humping like rabbits into the sunset until you die in the asylum bed.
Kudos to you!
Please do not listen to those second guessing your choice in waiting. Marriage is not all about sex, it is a part of it, but loving your spouse is a larger part and that you have hopefully done plenty of before getting married.
I too find myself wanting it more than my husband. We never had the crazy "honeymoon" period where we did it all the time. But we find that when we do come together it is special because we know that we aren't doing it just out of routine or habit.
My question out there for everyone is....how often is "normal"? I know that there are always those outliers that either do it like crazy or not at all, but i'm just wondering the average?
And my last question is, do any other women find that they want it more than their men? I have a feeling the media has portrayed men as these sex craved animals, when that just isnt reality.
There is no normal for my H and I. Somes weeks we have it a few times during the week, other times, we can go a week or two with out it. It goes through phases. It is just a part of life. There are times where he wants it more then I do and wait a few days and the roles are reversed.
There isn't really a generalizable "normal" amount for people to have sex. You can look up statistics and see what is average for a certain segment of the population, but even that can be screwed because there are too many other variables to consider.Furthermore, normal is based on what is satisfying for both you and your mate and no one on here can give you that answer. You and your DH will have to figure that one our.
I don't think anyone is saying that she shouldn't have stuck to her guns for what she believes in to have sex before she got married, but what we are saying is that not doing so probably created an unrealistic expectation about sex and frequency. TBPH, no one cares if you waited or if you whored yourself out on the first date. People do side eye posts that complain there isn't enough sex and people thought they and their spouses would be like energizer bunnies once they were deflowered.
I think thats just normal! I met my fiance at a very young age, hung out a few months then moved it toghether and of course their was that few months of if we didnt abselutely NEED to get out of bed. But once that small period of time went by, its differant, we have been living toghether for well over 3years now, were not married yet we have a 1.1/2year old daughter and i can tell you my sex drive is still up their as it was 3-4years ago but his isnt.
I think men just dont have the (hornyness) or the stamena we have, just give him a lil time, if time fails then you could always introduce new things, positions, toys, fantacies. If all else fails their always self pleasure.
Normal for any couple is the amount of sex that makes them both feel satisfied. For some people that is every day, for some it is once a week.
My question is: Are you having orgasms when you have sex? I have found that I wanted more sex when I wasn't being fully pleasured when we did have sex.
I think you guys need to have a talk about sex and your sex drives NOW, not 3 years from now when patterns have been established and you are really frustrated. Have the conversation OUTSIDE the bedroom and in a situation completely devoid of sexuality, like on a Saturday afternoon when you guys are doing household chores.
When you talk to him, tell him how much you enjoy having sex with him (positive) and that you want more sex with him (positive). Every comment should be complimentary because let's face it, everybody is sensitive about their sexual abilities. Tell him how much you liked the sex you had on a particular occasion and want to do that more often.
Are you nervous about initiating? When you initiate, does he say he is tired? Or do you wait for him to initiate?
Ask him how you guys can have more of that great sex. Tell him that you aren't sure how to tell him how much you desire him. Tell him about a time he did something really sexy and you just wanted to ravish him right then and there because you found him so desireable. Ask him how you should come on to him. Ask him if there is a time of the day that he is more in the mood. Some people are morning sex people, some people like the frenzied hotness of a nooner and other people like the mysterious late night hours. Some people just can't have sex after a long day at work because their heads are still spinning from work stuff. Ask him when he feels sexiest.
Never launch into "You don't desire me!" "You think I am not sexy!" or other insecure whininess. There is NOTHING more unsexy than a person who doesn't believe in their own attractiveness.
Sex is very important in a relationship. Get on a solid page now rather than later.
A couple of other thoughts: Are you guys on birth control? What kind? Is he nervous about getting you pregnant now?
Might he have some residual religious issues about sex? When someone is told that sex is a dangerous thing, it is hard to switch gears into a sex machine -- even though it is now OK -- because there are a lot of fears and anxiety surrounding sex.
I am on the NuvaRing. And I have been for two years now. He is open to getting pregnant, however I am the one who would like to wait. The "O" has only happened twice since we have been married.
I am not by any means dissapointed. And I dont appreciate the comments about me not test driving the goods. I mean come on. it was our choice not to have sex, and that was fine with us. However, some people may feel differently. And I will not be rude if you didnt wait. I was just asking a simple question. I will think twice before posting next time.... thanks!
We waited until we were married and I, like you, want it more than my DH.
I sort of thought we would be going at it 24/7 on our honeymoon and, while we did have a ton of sex, it wasn't all day. Which was fine. I did request the beach, after all!
I never test drove the goods and haven't regretted it. Things have definitely gotten better. We have sex a few times a week and it keeps getting better.
You have been married one month and five days. Just how exactly do you figure there is a problem?
Why go around trying to make a problem where there isn't one?Are you missing all the attention from being a bride? And now want attention for/from some other cause either real or imagined?
You two are still getting to know each other? Give it a year or two for your selves to settle down to reality.
Your DH is still deprogramming himself from "No Sex with you" to "it's ok to have sex with you". Do you expect that kind of mental training to be over written in a few weeks?
Maybe DH is worried you are trying for babies already?
Just go, sugar your lady parts and boff his brains out. Quit worrying yourself into a dither over nothing.
No, there's nothing wrong with you. You've just got different sex drives. My Husband and I were in the same boat as you. Virgins at marriage, expecting to go sex-crazy because we could hardly keep our hands off each other while dating. What do you know? I always wanted it, he constantly rejected me. *sigh*
My advice: don't let it get you down. I had a hard time believing my husband found me attractive because of his general lack of interest in sex. Of course I was wrong; he wouldn't have married me if that was the case.
Anyways, it may not ever be as frequent as you would like it, but it will get better. You just have to find the right groove. Figure out when he is and when he isn't in the mood. Try to do more things that you think might please him- like lingerie, different positions, different locations, andif you're not opposed to it, definitely oral sex. That way it's all about him.
Communication helps too! After DH and I had a serious talk, I found out he just wanted me to play with his penis more often. Our sex life has much improved since then. lol. Who knew?