Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BIL's wedding - LONG
BIL and FSIL got engaged before Christmas. BIL and I are pretty close. A few weeks back, he had mentioned to DH that they wanted to have us over for dinner at FSIL's apartment, and ask us to stand up in the wedding party. He also mentioned that they wanted to ask me, but understood if I wasn't able to (I will have a 26 month old and a less than 4 month old who is BFing). I was all stressed about it, because while I love BIL and FSIL to death, the idea of having the obligations of being in the wedding party, plus wearing a dress that would no doubt look great on the 25 year old skinny mini friends of FSIL, would look hideous on my 3 month postpartum body, plus worrying about how I would nurse my newborn. DH and I discussed it, and I decided I would decline when they asked.
BIL was over this weekend, and he invited us for dinner next weekend, and told me directly that they would like to ask me to stand up, but would understand if I couldn't do it. We had a good discussion and long story short, I declined. I have already offered, if they like, for the bridal party (girls) to get ready at our new house, which is about 5 minutes away from the church (FSIL lives in a tiny apartment, and her parents live about 30 minutes away). I also told him I would like to be involved as much as I can, but thought it would be best if I didn't have formal obligations. I also said I would love to do a reading or something at the church. I think they understand, which is good. I was just thinking about how, for example, pictures would work, because if baby needs to eat, baby needs to eat. I already have my aunt lined up to help me with DD and the baby for the day, but there is only so much that I can have her do.
Now, even though I'm sure I still be a whale from giving birth 3 1/2 month prior, at least I can now a) not have the formal responsibilities of standing up and b) get myself a nice dress that I feel relatively good in. I stood up in other BIL/SILs wedding a few years ago, and I literally almost cried at the dress I had to wear. You want to look nice at a family wedding, and the dress was just completely unflattering to me (while it looked great on the skinny, buxom, dark skinner girls, it did nothing for me, a flat chested, wide assed, pasty skinned redhead. Not only was the colour horrible for me, it was this completely flimsy fabric that clung to all my lumps and bumps, and had a super low cut back so you couldn't wear a bra, or a body shaper underneath.
I felt even better about my decision (tee hee) when later on this weekend FSIL was over with BIL and she mentioned that they had picked the colour of the BM dresses - they are going to be "champagne", which is a very similar colour to the colour BM dress that SIL had that looked horrible on me and completely washed me out. I am SO glad that I dont' have to wear a champagne coloured dress. FSIL is 25, and all her friends are little skinny minis, so I'm sure she has picked some super hot dress that will look fab on all of them, but would look like crap on my 35 year old postpartum body. SO GLAD I DECLINED! I'm sure I won't look my best, but at least I can try to get a dress that is relatively flattering so I feel good in the family pictures. LOL.
Re: BIL's wedding - LONG
It sounds like you're going to have the best of both worlds! I think it's really sweet that you'd offer up your home to them to get rady, very considerate. This way, you'll be able to really enjoy the day.