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Critique this paragraph for me??

I want to sound casual, not too needy, but I really want to know if I am getting this job... what do you think? 

Hi FirstName,

I wanted to touch base with you about the possibility of me joining your team and I thought I should let you know that I will be out of the office from Wed Feb 10 to Fri Feb 12. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,

Firstname Lastname, P.Eng
E-mail signature

Re: Critique this paragraph for me??

  • Hrmm... I don't know anything about the job you're looking at or if they promised you a response already... but I try to not be needy and would likely not email.  What I might suggest is when (if) you put an out of office email on while you're away, maybe create a special rule from the person you're expecting to hear back from.  Or just make a rule that if any email comes in from the inidividual that it forwards it to your home email.

     Otherwise, I really can't offer any suggestions on the note.

     

    Good luck with the job though!

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imagehappy_un-bride:

    Hrmm... I don't know anything about the job you're looking at or if they promised you a response already... but I try to not be needy and would likely not email.  What I might suggest is when (if) you put an out of office email on while you're away, maybe create a special rule from the person you're expecting to hear back from.  Or just make a rule that if any email comes in from the inidividual that it forwards it to your home email.

     Otherwise, I really can't offer any suggestions on the note.

     

    Good luck with the job though!

    He originally said he would hope to get back to me by last Friday.... but I know he had a super busy week last week.
  • Hmmm...I would think he would be calling you and not emailing you to let you know of the result no? Therefore, I'm assuming you'll have an out of office voicemail right? Most job offers are done over the phone or in person, so I think creating a special rule in this case may not make a difference. But...you might as well anyway just to be safe :)

    I'm sure if he ends up leaving a voicemail for you in your absence, they will wait until you return and not move onto their 2nd choice. KWIM?

    Did you send any thank you notes after you interviewed? Maybe you can send a quick note, to thank him for his time and mention you'll be out of the office. Ex.:

    Dear .....

    Thank you again for meeting with me recently, and for the opportunity of joining your team. I am still very interested in the position and I thought I would also take this opportunity to let you know I will be out of the office February 10-12th, 2010.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    Kind regards,

    Firstname Lastname, P.Eng
    E-mail signature

    OR...maybe you can just put your out of office dates in your email signature? Not sure if you have a standardized company siggy or one you can modify.

  • imageMrsVicki:

    Hmmm...I would think he would be calling you and not emailing you to let you know of the result no? Therefore, I'm assuming you'll have an out of office voicemail right? Most job offers are done over the phone or in person, so I think creating a special rule in this case may not make a difference. But...you might as well anyway just to be safe :)

    I'm sure if he ends up leaving a voicemail for you in your absence, they will wait until you return and not move onto their 2nd choice. KWIM?

    Did you send any thank you notes after you interviewed? Maybe you can send a quick note, to thank him for his time and mention you'll be out of the office. Ex.:

    Dear .....

    Thank you again for meeting with me recently, and for the opportunity of joining your team. I am still very interested in the position and I thought I would also take this opportunity to let you know I will be out of the office February 10-12th, 2010.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    Kind regards,

    Firstname Lastname, P.Eng
    E-mail signature

    OR...maybe you can just put your out of office dates in your email signature? Not sure if you have a standardized company siggy or one you can modify.

     

    I like this suggestion... good luck!

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I agree with Mrs. Vicki only I would be careful about the first sentence....  "Thank you again for meeting me and our discussion in regards to the opportunity currently avalible on your team".  Talking about the "opportunity of joining" sounds as if you presume you have the job.

     I think the rest of the e-mail is great though and the perfect way to get across what you want to say.

    ETA: apparently my typing has deteriorated... Edited to fix typos.

  • I agree with pp. I wouldn't send it to say you are out of the office. I would just send a note saying thanks for the interview etc etc.
  • imageJen&Joe06:
    I agree with pp. I wouldn't send it to say you are out of the office. I would just send a note saying thanks for the interview etc etc.

     I already sent an email last Monday saying thanks, which is when he wrote back saying "I should get back to you by the end of the week" (which is last week now). Maybe I should just not e-mail him. I'm going to discuss it with DH again

  • Did you send the new e-mail? Did he respond? I'm super curious now!
  • imagetriple777:
    Did you send the new e-mail? Did he respond? I'm super curious now!

    I was originally planning on sending it around now!!! But after the responses above I think I shouldn't send it :S I am just trying to decide.

     

    ETA: Ok I just sent it (a slightly revised version, sounds less like I already have the job) Anyways I agree that it might come across as a little bit needy but since it's an internal job posting and he wrote back so quick last time, I think it's OK... I'll let you know if I hear anything!

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