October 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Really Disgusted...
Hi all...
I'd like to bring up something that's really been bothering me... but it involves another board on the Nest. I really feel like I'll get flamed if I put my thoughts here (...hell... I'll probably get flamed regardless...), so I wrote about it in my latest blog post. (Link in Siggy.)
I'd like to know your thoughts on the issue. If you have time, give it a read.... I'd appreciate it.
Re: Really Disgusted...
But that's the thing... there's nothing on that board (or any of these boards) that will tell a newcomer not to say A, B, or C because they'll get crap for doing so. People come to message boards for advice or answers to questions... I don't think they should be expected to lurk for a month to learn the culture of the board before doing so. People genuinely seeking advice may end up with more issues after being razzed on a board than they did before hand.
I definitely see your point regarding a tactful way to disagree with someone. I see nothing wrong in disagreeing, however, it is all in how you present your thoughts.
Totally understandable that this is bothering you. A girl got a new dog and yes it was from a breeder, but they were very quick to jump on her and the issue of breeding. Another edition of "keyboard commando".... yes they are entitled to their own opinion, but most of the girls did it in a very snarky way. My dog is a corgi/german shepard so I'm sure someone decided to "backyard breed" because that is not a breed you see everyday. BUT I also drove to another state to adopt my dog. So I'm sure I would get flamed for that as well, and yes I have been "flamed" on that board board before....but you know....I don't take it personal (even though I was very pissed at first). Just consider the source. Yes, you may be "flamed" for saying something, but if it is how you feel...why not? You are not being snarky, just voicing your own opinion and maybe sticking up for that poster who probably feels terrible when all she did was get a new dog. Which should be VERY exciting. I get the whole breeding issue.....I get it.....but it's one thing to state your opinion and another to be a straight up b!tch.
But it also goes beyond tact...
I think it's an issue of whether anything needs to be said at all.
Another baby example... if you see an ugly baby, you don't try to be tactful and say something like, the baby is "unique looking" (lol), you either lie or not say anything at all.
The case you brought up is not just an opinion based on something as simple as whether or not a baby is ugly or cute. It involves people's ethical beliefs and that tend to lend itself to higher emotions.
Regarding whether or not you should say something, you should always stand up for what you believe is right. I think a lot of people on internet forums are just internet tough guys and act snarky because they can get away with it on the net and not in real life.
...yeeeah... I'm just waiting for my blog to appear on the pet board with someone calling me out. Maybe now that I've vented, I should take it down.
I 100% agree!
I read your blog post and the board post it referred to, and I actually think that the MOST of the people posting were good examples of tactful disagreement. No one hurled insults like "you're stupid" or "your dog is ugly" or anything, and many of them acknowledged that she had no way of knowing about these things going in. Most told her the dog was cute, but just urged her to do more research next time.
Dogs are treated horribly in puppy mills and pet stores, and by giving them one's business and buying dogs there, one encourages (knowingly or not) this practice. So I can see why they feel strongly about this and want to spread the word.
I don't think dogs are treated horribly by BYBs- I think their issue with them is that they are often people who don't know what they're doing and end up inadvertently creating health problems and such. So I see why they feel strongly about that as well.
JMO on that particular post. I don't lurk on the board so I don't know about anything else anyone may have said leading up to it.
Yes, you're right, some of them were tactful. Some of them, though, i found to be truly unneeded, and of course those are the ones I remember and am upset about.
And I have nothing against them being anti-BYB and puppy mills. I just think there are appropriate times and ways to bring it up or make a point.
Sorry I'm late on this one... but I just read the OP.
I confess... I think I got my dog from what could be considered to be a BYB (I don't know if I entirely understand what they mean)... a mini goldendoodle. But I don't care if it's AKC or not. I know the breeders treated the dogs well and take breeding seriously. I personally would always get a dog from a breeder of some sort because they are (usually) knowledgeable about the lineage and therefore, should be able to predict temperament and potential for genetic diseases. I'm not an adopt from the local shelter type of girl. I know some people get some great dogs from shelters, but I'm a control freak, and I don't know if that would ever be something that interests me. JMO.
Anyways.. enough about me. It's not like this girl released an unfixed dog into the wild... and the fact people keep saying "thanks for contributing to the overpopulation problems" are being a little dramatic. People should have the freedom to choose where they're getting their dogs from. And as long as they take care of them responsibly, I don't think it should matter. This is probably flame worthy. Oh well.
I agree with what you said on your blog.
I kind of get mad when i hear people say stuff about puggles and all those weird new mixed breed pet names. My "breeder" was selling mini sharpeis when I got Harley and we all know what happened to him. I had no idea at the time what those names really meant and the warning signs from it, but I learned from my mistake and essentially paying for it now *even tho id never give up my dog*
There's just different ways of going about informing people. I like to tell my own story about what happened to me with BYBs and that seems to get the point across. Some people seem to feel the need to bash the person instead of just dishing the facts and leaving it be. Some of those girls just do it the wrong way and in some of those boards, the popular thing to do is be kind of an extremist, and so reacting in those ways is the "cool" thing to do. It doesn't do anything but get the info across but in a hurtful way. It's really unnecessary.
My Blog!
I just want to add that dogs can be treated really badly by BYBs. Essentially the dog is money and a product. My breeder never let me see the Sire that my dog came from and I honestly believe it was because he had the same problem as mine and had spinal issues. I also saw another dog at her house that couldn't walk and I asked what happened and she told me that he fell off a couch and the owner brought him back. She was completely full of lies and only wanted me to dish the money out even though she knew my dog would suffer the rest of his life with spinal issues. I had no idea at the time the problems he would face and it breaks my heart to know that she continues to breed dogs that will suffer all for a couple bucks in her pocket.
You have to be very careful with people trying to sell you "mini" breeds when they are not normally mini. Sometimes they call them mini when they are the runt. My breeder showed me a "mini french bulldog" which there's no such thing. The poor thing was sickly, it was the runt, and she was charging extra because it was a "mini"
My Blog!
My "mini" really is a mini. It was a toy poodle crossed with a golden retriever as opposed to a standard poodle/golden cross. But yes. I agree that people use that term loosely.
In any case, got pics?
Yeah, I don't want to think of the mechanics of the mating of that one... lol. His mom was the golden... his dad the poodle.
I don't have many pics of him on my computer anyone... since as everyone knows, my hard drive crashed... but here is a recent one. He has a body shaped like a corgi, long body, short legs. He's sooo cute. I lurve him.
I tend to keep my mouth shut about how people choose to get their pets. I am, and always will be, and adopter, but every animal needs a home no matter where it comes from. There are plenty of BYB who are really thorough and good at what they do, finding them just requires some research. And there is a big difference between a good BYB and a puppy mill. I used to be like those pet boarders, though, and spout my beliefs at everyone.
Like Cipolla said, keep your blog up. You are entitled to your opinions and I encourage you to go ahead and say what you are feeling on the pet board!
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