Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
help, please :/
Does anyone ever feel like they can live without having sex?? Im worried that I dont have any libido what-so-ever... DH is very loving, very attractive and very physically-oriented. Weve been married for about 4 months now... and before we were married Ive felt the same way, but attributed it to alot of stress and different things going on. Now, Im exhausted by the end of the day, still have alot of things going on, and no matter how much I try to want to have sex, I cant! When we do, I like it, and I say to myself, "why dont I do this more often??" I often feel very embarrassed and extremely self-conscience- but he is my husband, and I know I shouldnt feel like this. He does nothing but encourage me and tell me how beautiful I am. Any advice for me to get my groove back??
Re: help, please :/
I understand. I went through this about a year ago. DH and I were just engaged. I was stressed because of school and life in general. There was just so much going on. But when I really thought about it I didn't feel comforatble about myself.
From the end of your post, it seems you may have a little bit of the same going on. You have to feel good about your self. Like you said he is your H and he has never given you a reason to feel uncomfortable. I knew that to feel comfortable about myself I wanted to lose some weight. Which I did, and now I feel good about myself. So find out what will make you feel more comfortable about yourself, if that is the issue.
to sammyjo- thank you too, for making me feel like Im not alone ! If I can find something that works for me or if I get enlightened by something Ill definitely share it with you!
BCPs KILLED my sex drive--definitely explore other options.
megd... really?? I never knew this was such an issue with BCPs.. and Im in the medical field. Ill definitely look into it, thank you
That would be fabulous! Thank you!
Some times I feel like if it were up to women, sex would happen only to produce children.
That being said, I do love my DH, and some times I do really have a high sex drive. But I know how you feel.
It helps me to some times "set aside" time for sex. It makes it less overwhelming. Like, if I have a TON to do and know DH is going to want to have sex later and I'm going to want to crash, I'll add it to my to-do list. It sounds bad, but it isn't, promise! If I am not going to be able to enjoy the sex without checking at least ONE mark on my to-do list, I'll do something and then initiate sex. DH loves that I am the one who gets it started, and I love being able to CRASH at the end of the day.
Also, make sure you are taking care of you! I have no sex drive without eating enough and getting good work-outs in. These times re-energize you!!! And if you have serious body-confidence issues, etc., you may want to consider seeing a therapist a couple of times a month.
Never forget : sex is supposed to be fun and about you two! Don't stress it too much!
Thanks Chrissy you are definitely right, I am a "type A" personality and Im constantly making lists... your idea may just work for me.. I am just now getting back into working out like I used to and taking some time to focus on me again (instead of a wedding, buying a house etc) and I think I really have been stressing out and creating anxiety about it too often. Thanks for your insight
It's a state of mind.:)
Queen Latifah is positively gorgeous -- so is Jordin Sparks. They're ladies of size.
Maybe you should get a makeover -- it would make you feel great about yourself -- google the show Mad Men and have a look at what the character Joan Holloway is wearing.
Try for necklines like Joan's wearing (necklines of that style never go out of style, no matter what year it is) and general silhouettes that she's wearing. I had a coworker who was extremely plus size and sheath dresses was all she wore; she looked smashing.
this really hit home with me; I too feel like since were newlyweds we should be going crazy! Its almost making me question our compatability but its really all me- like you said, im just exhausted all the time! the most useful pieces of advice i will take from your experiences is to try to relax more (im super typeA) and also to get my BCP checked out... until I posted this issue I never knew what effects they had on libido! thank you for your advice!
I completely understand! Its really a viscious cycle also, because, like you said, when you do have sex youre so UN-used to it that you dont orgasm; leaving you frustrated once again. You dont crave it becuase theres nothing "in it for you" most of the time. I totally get it. I have a feeling since posting this question that most of my issue is with BCPs/contraception in general.. Let us know how the testosterone injection goes, thats pretty interesting.. good luck!
that is really interesting! im going to ask my gyno about that next visit
BCP killed my sex drive. I never realized how much it did until I went off them last month. I was on them for 11 years. I would definately talk to your Dr. about it.