October 2009 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anti-Grandma?
Am I the only one whose mom keeps discouraging me from having babies. Granted, I wanted to wait at least a year or two, but my mom wants us to wait like 5 years. That might have been completely doable had we gotten married say 3 years ago, but I'll be 28 this year and DH will be 33. We don't want to wait but so long, otherwise our risks will go up.
Am I the only one?
Re: Anti-Grandma?
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!
My mom is definitely in no rush to become a grandma. She loves babies, but got married young (19) and had me at 21 and my little bro three years later. She and my dad are still very much in love and have a wonderful life together, but I think my mom always wanted something a little different for me and really pushed me to be independent and more school/career focused.
We've (as in my mom and I) talked about it a lot recently because DH and I have been getting pressure from DH's brother and SIL to hurry up (their story is like my parents, married at 18, babies started at 21), but she keeps telling me that DH and I will know when the time is right and she'll be happy for us when it happens, but she'd be just as happy if DH and I decide that babies aren't for us. Ultimately, she just wants us to be happy.
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MIL was like that for a while. She would freak out about the baby questions at family gatherings worse than us- "I'm too young to be a grandmother! I'm not ready! I hope not any time soon!"
But out of nowhere, around this past Christmas, the switch flipped. She is all aboard the baby train now. While she doesn't actually bug us about it, she does talk about being excited and the activities she wants to do with grandkids when they come.
My older sister is currently preggo with the first grandbaby so the pressure is off of us. I refrain from any baby talk with my mom though because we want to adopt and she makes stupid comments like "your baby will have problems because its not really yours" and "you should want a real baby". I love my mom and we are very close, but this is the one topic I can't discuss with her, it makes me too angry and upset. Babies are a loooong way off for us (5-7 years) so I hope she changes her tune by the time we are ready.
On the other hand though, MIL is pushing for us to have babies soon even though I keep telling her its not going to happen. SIL is recently divorced, with no kids and I think MIL thought she would be a grandmother by now so she is looking to us to make that happen.
Both my parents and his parents already have a herd of grandchildren (yay for being youngest...). They'll be delighted when we're pregnant, but aren't really pressuring us.
That being said.. MIL continually reminds me that there are twins on that side of the family. Great.
krc- I can see why you avoid that discussion with ur mom. I can't believe she would say things like that... not a "real" baby! Wow!
My mom kept pretty quiet until last summer when my best friend had her baby. She made a lot of comments in public about "practicing." It really irritated me cause she knows we're not going to even try for a few years. We had a private discussion about it and I made that clear- since then she's left me alone about it.
Well the inlaws were making comments at the wedding...that was too soon and they continued through the holidays. I finally had to pull them aside and say we really wanted to wait a few years.
My mom on the other hand, I think because two of her kids still live at home (and they shouldn't), she just isn't ready for one more life change. I think when that day does come, she'll be thrilled...but she doesn't even show interest in the idea of me being a SAHM - which I'd love to be.
They very much encourage me to be independent and to keep working so I stay on top of things. She says she sees so many SAHM that are so self-centered that she doesn't care for it.
Even still, my clock isn't ready. I want to wait a good year and a half - closer to being 30.
FYI, unless these twins are franternal, there's no genetic predispsition for your hubby (the father's genes determine twins). Identical twins like myself are merely a cell mutation and that is not passed down from generation to generation. For example, because I am an identical twin has zero bearing on my chances of having twins, but, if DH's parents or grandparents (or their children or siblings) were fraternal twins, we'd have a higher likelihood of having our own fraternal twins.
My brother has 1 and 1 on the way...and my mom constantly tells me not to have kids. She NEVER wants me to have any. It's so strange. I wonder sometimes if she just doesn't think I can handle it. The worst part is that I have started having the baby fever bad. I've never wanted kids...but now all of a sudden I do.
You aren't the only one...I totally understand it.