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PugRolls: Dogs VS Cats

When I saw your response to dogs vs cats in the poll of randomness, I couldn't help but think of this email my SIL sent me a few years ago.  Hilarious - MH and I always say "It's my favorite thing!" now.  I just had to share.

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride!  My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00  pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard!  My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00  pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow!  Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite  thing!


The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is  my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the  carpet. Today I decapitated
a mouse and dropped its headless body at their  feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly  demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of  "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one  of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special  privileges. He is regularly released, and
seems to be more than willing to return.

The bird must be an informant. I  observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For  now...

Re: PugRolls: Dogs VS Cats

  • butting in... this is so funny! Thanks for the laugh :-)

  • Anna, that's exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote that.  I find it to be SO TRUE!  :)
  • Bahahaha! This is exactly what I thought of when I read that!

    Also, sadly, this is the reason I prefer cats to dogs. I love having evil geniuses in my house. Stick out tongue

  • I love those - for the longest time I had a door mat that had the evil-cat saying on it.  I had no idea we had so many cat lovers on our board....anyone want another one?  Sounds horrible, but so is she.  I struggle with her - I'll never give her away but hope she doesn't live very long.  Embarrassed
  • that was really funny...i had to forward it along to DH!  

    imageAmy4773:
    I struggle with her - I'll never give her away but hope she doesn't live very long.  Embarrassed

    and oh no!!  is your cat a scratcher?  Satchmo LOVES scratching the couch.  In the new house I plan on getting a leather couch & hope that helps...so far, he seems to just really like the cloth fabric. 

     

    imageLilypie Second Birthday tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • imagevanilla15:
    In the new house I plan on getting a leather couch & hope that helps...so far, he seems to just really like the cloth fabric. 

    It may or may not. Our cats like anything nubbly feeling (like corduroy type texture) to scratch on...and they also like leather. Go figure! For our couches we just got a nice smooth, soft fabric and so far that seems to be working - they just sleep on it, no scratching.  

  • imageredshoegirl:

    Bahahaha! This is exactly what I thought of when I read that!

    Also, sadly, this is the reason I prefer cats to dogs. I love having evil geniuses in my house. Stick out tongue

    I'm married to an evil genius, so I gotta get my unconditional goofy eternal and abundant bubbly optimism from somewhere!  :)

  • imagevanilla15:

    that was really funny...i had to forward it along to DH!  

    imageAmy4773:
    I struggle with her - I'll never give her away but hope she doesn't live very long.  Embarrassed

    and oh no!!  is your cat a scratcher?  Satchmo LOVES scratching the couch.  In the new house I plan on getting a leather couch & hope that helps...so far, he seems to just really like the cloth fabric. 

     

    She has no front claws and still scratches everything in sight.  She's got a horrid temperment.  Hates everyone but me....and probably even me sometimes.  The most anti-social, rude animal I've ever owned.  She hates Todd, Todd hates her, she hates the dog, the dog wants to chase her - it's all a mess.

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