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ok ladies...ya gotta help me here (vent & advice needed!)
DH and I are having a baby..Yay (to which you probably all figured out from my ticker..hehe). We have picked her name and I gotta say I love calling her by it all the time instead of just saying "baby". Well...when picking her name it was mainly my choice...I kinda pushed it but DH liked it and agreed. I told DH at the time that he could have a big say in choosing her middle name. Unfortunately he didn't mention that his MOTHER would be doing the choosing. I have received 3 emails from MIL suggesting names and asking about what we have chosen. Her names are TERRIBLE...I mean TERRIBLE! And I have vocalized my opinion to DH on these stressing "I just CANT do that to our little girl!"
Its been a stressful touchy subject...I like the idea of having family significance..I do..but I havent been pushing MY side of the family names because they arent good haha so why should my DH have his family names if they arent good? Also I really want DH to love the name but not to pick one just cause his mom likes the name. I know he is in between us but its OUR child...not hers.
Am I wrong to really push this? Im not asking to pick the middle name...I just want to at least LIKE the middle name haha. Its a name...its important..its for life. DD is already getting his last name, what more does his mother want!!? ahhhh wwjd? Should I take a chill pill? Seriously these names are soooo bad....
Re: ok ladies...ya gotta help me here (vent & advice needed!)
I'm going to have to hear the names to make an informed decision
Seriously though, without knowing the names (that might sway me), I think this is kind of a battle that could go either way. It's a definite "pick your battles" situation and only you can know if this is a battle you want to pursue. On the one hand, it's just a middle name, no one will use it, and it could have real significance to your husband and MIL. On the other hand, you don't need to name your daughter something you hate just to make someone else happy.
Both excellent points ladies. DH is an only child and I understand fully his mother wanting to be involved with our family and her first grandchild. She is very excited and for that I am totally thankful. I appreciate her a lot and to hurt her is not something I wish to do but I feel pretty strongly about this. The names she has picked are...
1. Christia--pronounced "chris-tia"
2. Janetta--pronounced "jan-etta"
3. Leslie-Sheane--pronounced "leslie shane" (this is DH's middle names) to which I asked him if he wanted his daughter to have the same names as him...to me personally I do not like leslie but Shane I would consider for a boys middle name.
Im thinking perhaps to approach the situation this way....discuss with MIL that perhaps when we have a boy to use the middle name Shane to carry on whatever family significance that has?? Think she'd go for it?
I don't think any of those names are horrible. Janetta is weird (imho), but Christia and Leslie-Sheane are okay (personally I think I'd split them up and use Leslie for a girl and Sheane for a boy, but that's jmho).
I middle-named my son Richard after my dad, and if we have another boy I'll middle-name him Arthur after my grandpa, and don't love either of those names but they mean something. I thought you were going to tell us she was suggesting Hestia or Ingebjorg or something
What is the first name you have picked out? I'm just wondering what the "flow" is
Ooooh Hestia and Ingebjorg are bad and honestly in my opinion on equal playing fields as Janetta and Christia...I HATE them. I asked the opinion to 7 of my closest girlfriends without showing my opinion at all and no joke the responses were "terrible" and "you cant do that to your kid". I just can't bring myself to do it...I love her too much to do that to her hahahaha! Oh man Im a horrible daughter in-law aren't I?
We picked a really unique name that I have only heard once before. I understand its not everyones cup of tea and it is totally different. We are calling her Brettan (pronounced Bret-tan") and thought maybe a one or two syllable middle name MAX...none of this 3 syllable or two name middle name stuff because our last name is 3 syllables as it is. Ahhh I need to breathe over this issue, its not THAT big of deal right?
Is there any room for compromise - like basing the middle name on one of the suggested names, but something perhaps you like more?
Christine
Krista (Christa)
Jane
Lesley
Shayna (or some variant spelling)
Shanna?
Shannnon?
I had a few more variations, but they were more than 2 syllables. Perhaps if you can live with a name that is *based* on one of the family names, it might help.
I think Brettan Jane or Brettan Christine sound decent together. I agree with a shorter name though. I think the names MIL is picking are too long, if your last name is 3 syllables.
wait, why does his mom get to pick the name?? ?In what univerese is that a good idea?
?
Why don't you just pick two names that have no family significance for either of you. Tell your MIL that you are considering names from both sides but would possibly like to use two names that are not from relatives on either side. To be honest I think all of the names she suggested are terrible.
You can also use your first name as her middle name, I think your MIL would have a hard time trying to override you on that choice.
I wouldn't let my MIL pick a name for my child at all! I think this should be something you and your DH do together. just my two cents.
I'm not really a fan of the middle names, especially DH's middle names. WTH? You are having a girl right? Tell her maybe if you have a boy you will think about those names.
also, MIL got to pick names when she had her kid, it's your turn to pick the names you want. Good luck with all of this!
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I completely agree with wth does she get to pick the middle name? ITs ridiculous to me. I tried to stress to DH that I haven't argued the fact of any family significance from my side of the family thus far so why should he? As a matter of fact my grandmothers name is Lynn, My Mothers middle name is Lynn and my middle name is Lynn so if anything it would be appropriate to name her Brettan Lynn.
I like the idea of picking a name with no family significance. I feel like I just want to have a clean break and start something new. I know I have quite a few arguments about this one that I could possibly use. Somedays I just have to vent thinking about it haha.
In pp there were possibilities mentioned...heres my thoughts....
Christine or Krista...my cousins name was Kristy and we called her "Krusty Kristy" growing up so Im partial to no liking anything remotely close...isn't it funny how you associate names with people youve known in life? haha
Jane....my name is Jana and Im not a big fan of the similarity
Lesley...dislike in all forms
Shayna...DH's ex was Shayna...enough said
Shanna...again rhymes with my name
Shannnon....cousins name and middle name of a niece
Thanks for the thoughts on names though I really appreciate ideas and thoughts of you ladies and its nice to be able to just vent and not get flamed hahaha. I have good days and bad regarding this issue...in the big scheme of things I know its not a huge issue I just find myself on high annoyance for most issues-big or small right now....ahhhh hormones haha
I think you're making a really big deal of it. The way I see it, it's your kid, therefore you have final say on the name. Period.
MIL is welcome to "suggest" names but she should realize you have the right to veto those suggestions, as you are the parent.
As far as family names go, you have to tread carefully, because some people might feel hurt. This is why we chose not to use family names as middle names for DD.
Hormones are intense things. I remember getting worked up over little things too. I think you just need to tell her that you appreciate her suggestions but you just personally don't feel like the names ring well together and you're continuing to look at other names.
DD is already getting his last name, what more does his mother want!!?
Awesome, good point.