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Struggling with an animal decision
I will try to keep this brief....
I have had my cat, Merlot, for nearly 10 years. When I first got her I lived alone and it was just the 2 of us. While she was testy and stubbon (not unlike most cats), it wasn't a big deal. About 5 years ago another cat, Zinfandel, adopted me by showing up in my backyard and never leaving. She hated having another cat around and became increasingly bitter. This was also about the time I met MH, who hates cats. Just over 3 years ago MH and I moved in together which sent both cats over the edge - as a move can do. Zinfandel ran away about 3 months after we moved in, and then we got a dog. Merlot is now beside herself pissed off because we moved, live with a man (she's not a big fan of men either) and 2 kids, and a dog. I've been hoping that over time she'd adapt, but she hasn't.
She essentially lives in my stepdaughter's room and only comes out when MH is gone.Thankfully he travels a lot, but when he is home for a stretch (like right now), she only comes out at night. This is no way for her to live. She is not a loving animal, never has been, and I've had her since she was about 5 weeks old. She's crabby and tempermental and only wants you to touch her when she wants to be touched. She is good living with one person and no other animals.
I just don't want her to live like this. I have put the word out for anyone who might be looking for a cat. I'd never give her to the wrong type of home for her personality type, nor would I ever turn her into a shelter, but I really think she deserves a better home to live out her remaining years. I'm just sad and really struggling with this decision.
To make matters worse, she actually sitting on my lap while I type this (MH is not home). 
( I feel terrible and like a bad pet owner.
Re: Struggling with an animal decision
Married Bio
haha...this is exactly how one of my cats is. MH hates cats too but he knew going into this marriage that they were part of the package
I think if you can find a good home for her, then that would be great...and I wouldn't feel too bad about it...but if you can't, I don't think you should feel bad about it either b/c even though you feel like she doesn't have much of a life right now, I really don't think it is too bad. she has a roof over her head, food, and companionship when she wants it
that's my 2 cents...
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
Good point Jaime! She is safe, fed, warm....and loved, even if only by me. I'm going to go to the independent living retirement communities this week and see if there's a single person that might be looking for a companion. I wouldn't DREAM of turning her into the SPCA or anything like that, but if I can find a loving place for her to go it's probably for the best.
I think I'm just struggling because I've been raised to know that if you get an animal you are making a lifetime committment to them. *sigh*
I tend to agree with Jaime.
We have two cats, Jake and Elwood. Jake is a lover (or, as we affectionately refer to him, a cat wh0re). He loves everyone. He'll walk up to visitors and flop over on his back for belly rubs. Ben is his person (they have the cutest relationship, it's really funny), but he's just a very personable cat...in fact, I'd say he's more like a dog than a cat. He also gets along with our two dogs fairly well - they're not best buds, but they'll sniff noses, that kind of thing.
Elwood, on the other hand...not so much. Els is my cat - or rather, I'm his person - and he doesn't want much to do with anyone else. He's very much a CAT, if you know what I mean. He won't scratch or bite people if they grab him and try to pet him, but he will yowl like he's being branded and struggle to escape. He especially hates Ben, for no good reason - on the occasions when Ben pets him, Elwood glowers and then runs away. He won't even take affection from me all the time - he wants it on his own terms and schedule. He thinks the dogs are Satan incarnate - the only animal he shows affection to is Jake (they're from the same litter, so they've literally been together since day one).
To me, it seems like Jake has the better life - lots of love and cuddles and affection. And yet, I don't think Elwood is necessarily unhappy. He has a nice home, plenty of food, safe and comfy places to sleep, and gets affection on his terms and his timetable. Really, under the circumstances, he has his life arranged the way he likes it. So although he might prefer it if it was just him and me (well, and Jake!) and no one else, I don't think he's actually miserable.
So if you can find a good home for her, with people she likes, then that would be fantastic...but if you can't, I don't think you should feel too bad about it. Not to be too blunt, but if she really hated her life - really, really hated it - she'd run away. Most cats don't have the sense of loyalty that dogs do, so if they're in a situation not to their liking, they'll override force of habit and leave anyway. The fact that she's stuck around says a lot to me!
it's so funny how our cats are so alike. while my one cat is super sweet and prefers me, he still gets along with MH and jumps in his lap while he is at the computer and wants to be pet...MH actually likes him - most of the time. whereas my other cat, MH is always threatening to kill (jokingly of course). he is like Elwood - only wants affection on his own terms and will growl and hiss (and sometimes bite) if you pet him when he doesn't want to be pet.
Amy, cats are "special" I like to say..and like Lisa pointed out, they have their lives "arranged the way they like it" so to speak
so I don't think your kitty is that miserable, even if it would prefer not to be around YH.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
LOL Ben says this to Elwood too. He also says he would be an excellent kitty if only he was more loving...I don't think Ben really gets the whole "independent cat" thing lol.
Ditto. My friend has a similar challenge. Her first cat is very independent and particular. She took in a second, which is super friendly and loving. Cat #1 dislikes the new arrival and now spends all her time outside. The owner is looking for a new home for Cat #2 because she feels badly that she's caused this reaction in her first one. She continues to look for a good home, but until then, thinks the situation is OK since both still get food, shelter and whatever love they want.