Newbie with a question...

ajcmba · February 2010

DH and I have been married 3 1/2 years now, and our sex life has always been less than average, but we were both happy with it. Over the past 6 months, I have gained a decent amount of weight that I am having a horrible time trying to lose. I have been to the Dr. about the weight, but nothing has come of it. My problem is, I am having a really hard time wanting to have sex because I am so dissatisfied with the way I look. I have tried covering it up with sexy nightgowns, candle light, telling myself I am still attractive to him, but at the end of the day, I still feel the same. I want to get over this, but I'm not sure how. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you help yourself change your attitude?

sawwasmif · February 2010

I have felt this way, too, and I have found that some serious pampering (mani/pedi, haircut, etc.) can help in short term. When it became a longer-term thing for me I decided to go to therapy. I actually met with a few different therapists before finding one I liked, and I think it really made a huge difference for me.

ashley1184 · February 2010

I've gained about 20 pounds since my wedding. I no longer feel sexy and I had problems for a while with my sex drive because of my weight. My DH noticed the problem and has since gone out of his way to show my body appreciation and affection. He constantly tells me how good I look and points out what he loves about my heavier body (ie bigger boobs, bigger butt, more feminine shape and curves). I also think pampering yourself makes a difference. If those things don't help then maybe you should consider couseling. Also, my DH has offered to start dieting and going to the gym with me if it really bothers me.

DaringMiss · February 2010

Have you had your thyroid tested? That is a frequent cause of rapid weight gain.

notquiteblushing · February 2010

I can relate sadly. Sometimes I just feel so unsexy because of my body lately. But my philosophy is "fake it until you make it" so I just initiate sex because I know once it gets going I won't give a damn what I look like. Also the more sex you have, the sexier you feel. Good luck.

DCMcQueen · February 2010

I've always been a pretty small girl, I'm 5 foot 3 and have stayed around 125 lbs, give or take a few... but we all get insecure, especially when I'm Pmsing and bloated, i feel the same way. but dressing up, pampering yourself, and maybe doing something sexy that you wouldnt normally do every day, will get him extra turned on, and give you a huge boost of confidence

xxbabycakesxx · February 2010

notquiteblushing:
I can relate sadly. Sometimes I just feel so unsexy because of my body lately. But my philosophy is "fake it until you make it" so I just initiate sex because I know once it gets going I won't give a damn what I look like. Also the more sex you have, the sexier you feel. Good luck.

this!

lookame3639 · February 2010

I feel the same. It's not really a body issue more I have an autoimmune disease which popped up a little after my son was born. My white blood cells attack my large intestine which causes large ulcers, blood and puss. It started getting really bad the past year. It causes me a lot of pain and the symptoms leave me feeling disgusting, sometimes the symptoms last for a really really long time. This flare has lasted a month and is still going. It's really hard to feel attractive when you just get these pangs of horrible pain then sometimes the other symptoms get in the way. I'd like to sleep with my fiance, but during a flare you can't really guess when a symptom will arise. I honestly don't know how to get away from feeling unattractive. The only thing that really worked was to workout but now with all the medicines that my insurance doesn't cover I can't afford a gym membership. *sigh*

Amy_Justin · February 2010

I'd recommend seeing a counselor to sort out some of your body image issues. They will be able to help you sort through some of the thoughts you are feeling.

Exercising could help you as well. I feel better about myself after an exercise session, and I tend to like what I see in the mirror a lot more after working out.

brittbug · February 2010

You have to accept yourself first, try looking in the mirror and telling yourself how pretty you are. You are right your husband still finds you attractive and as long as he thinks that...that is what matters!

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