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I'm going to cry today
I've currently got it penciled in for 6 or 7 pm tonight, after my workout. It was originally on my schedule for tomorrow.
This is how analy retentive I am. I plan grieving. It's been close to 3 months since my dad died & I haven't allowed myself to just sit down & have a good bawl. Oh, I cried when I found out that he didn't make it, & I cried at his memorial service. But I only let that last for a few minutes before reining it in & saying "I've got too much to do...I'll waste time on this later."
You'd think as long as I've had this on my calendar, one more day couldn't possibly matter that much, right? But for some reason, I keep almost tearing up. I can feel it bubbling up to the surface. Not cool.
...and now I'm babbling my completely inane observation w/ my interweb stranger friends. I don't even know why. Maybe because I'm stuck at work, it's too quiet around here, & anytime I mention my this to DH, he gives me this pitiful deer-in-headlights look, like he doesn't know what to do or say. Honestly, I feel a little sorry for him tonight.
Re: I'm going to cry today
Sometimes you just need that. You were dealing with a lot of things when your dad passed and there was that need to be strong. Tonight, take that time for yourself and just let it out.
If you need anything, we're here.
If you can't ramble to your stranger interweb friends, then WHO can you ramble to?
Laud, I think most of us are in total awe that you've kept your emotions relatively in check this long. It's totally fine to let go--heck, it sounds like it may pre-empt your workout, and I hope you realize that's TOTALLY ok.
Let it out sister. Oh to have the self control that you have. I'm never able to keep back my tears. Once they're out they have a mind of their own.
I wish I could hug you right now.
It will be ten years this May since my dad died and I still have random fits of crying over it.
I'm sorry and I know that doesn't really help.
I'm sorry I'm coming in so late on this, Laud... I hope you had a nice, hard cry last night.
You are so incredibly intelligent, I know that if you search deep down you will realize that, not only is it a good idea to let out the mourning (don't keep it bottled up!), it's also something that is way past due, something that you owe to yourself. You deserve to show your emotions... letting the heartache fester and boil is only going to damage you in the end.
Again, I hope you were able to properly grieve last night. I think you might feel a little better once it's done.
If you want or need to talk, I'm here to listen.
:::::big hugs:::::
Thanks for the thoughts ladies.
Last night I turned off the lights at 10pm, sat down, & watched Meet Joe Black. It's one of my dad's favorite movies. I haven't watched it in years. I forgot that his last dance with his daughter was to "What A Wonderful World." It's what my dad picked for our dance at my wedding. First & last time I ever danced with my dad. Trust me, I had a Good Long Cry - icky squinched up face, sobbing till you run out of breath & make that backwards breathing sound, snot running down your face cry.
DH was such a sweetheart. I told him to leave me alone. Once I really broke down near the end, I heard him get up. I think he hid in the hallway for almost 20 minutes before the credits started rolling & he walked in & gave me a hug.