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Would this bother you?
Would this bother you?
This summer I have off in august. I want us to go to visit NY and see my family(and his) since we ddnt go last year. Mike's dad also invited him to a bike rally(Sturgis) and he immediately says yes. Granted this is something he really likes, and it is a bonding thing for them(and his brother is going too).
So he says he cant afford to take more time off to go home.. Seriously? So, Im supposed to fly there with both kids by myself, and visit everyone alone because he wants to do something else for vacation?
But when we try to talk about it we talk in circles. He feels like he works so hard and never takes time off, why cant he do something he wants without me giving him a hard time. I feel like he is being selfish.
There are a few more instances like this where I feel he is being selfish and he feels Im not being understanding. I just wanted to get some perspective.
Re: Would this bother you?
I feel like I have had the same conversation, just with different details. I don't even know what a good solution is for you, because my situation had to do with sacrifices & how to spend money. It's a sucky situation because I don't think either one of you are wrong, I think you both have valid points, but there has to be compromise to make sure you are making the best decision for the family.
In my situation we both had to take a step back, cool off, and readdress the the situation the next day when we both had time to think about it from each others perspective.
He would drive up to the Bike Rally and back, and that will be at least a week since the drive each way is a couple days. And his stupid company doesnt pay him for vacation. He has to take it unpaid.
I suggested that he can come to just part of the visit back home, and at least fly either there or home with me. He says it would get to be too expensive because of an additional plane ticket and additional days missing work.
Personally, and I say that because I realize i'm different than most people. I go almost evreywhere without FI. And once we are married, I still will. He doesn't like FL, but I go atleast once, if not twice to visit my parents without him. My two best friends live in MA and VT, and I go visit them all the time with out him. I've also gone on cruises with out FI.
I look at it this way..I could either not go and be annoyed that I didn't go, or go and have a good time. So I go and I have a good time.
We had discussed NY, but hadnt made set plans yet. And yes, he just made the Sturgis plans without discussing it with me!
I am definately going...LOL. I dont have an issue taking trips without him I just went by myself in Decemeber. But the fact is, if itis our one big "trip" for the summer I feel like he should come at least part of the time. We need to have some time off and relax together, not always apart.
I agree. He should at least be able to compromise and give you a few days, even if he does a long weekend like friday - sunday or something like that.
It would definitely bother me. Especially since it's "Sturgis"!!!! Although Brian and I aren't married yet, it's safe to say that I wouldn't even think about letting him go to Sturgis without discussing it with me first, or even without me being there!!! That's just me though. He's gone in the past with his buddies and even with his brother which is fine. He was single then. This coming August, he won't be single!!
Yes, he's been into Motorcycles long before he met me, but Sturgis is more of a huge non-stop "party" and I'd hope he'd want to chose his family (or mine) for vacation over Sturgis!! Especially if his vacation time off from work is non-paid!!!
You have little ones, so it makes it even more difficult on your end of things!! I don't think you're being selfish at all. I hope you guys can come to some sort of a compromise!!!
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Actually it doesnt bother me that he is going to Sturgis, just that I feel like it is selfish to assume he should take his only real vacation there, and not care about a family vacation as well. As you can see Im still annoyed about it. It is not something happening too soon though, so we'll figure it out.