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I don't get why grown-ups do this...
Why do parents have this notion that children can only learn what they need to know *directly* from their parents? I mean, they *do* have interaction with others ya know! Ugh, some of the best ways for kids to learn is to interact with other kids. It bugs me that some parents have this inflated sense of their own power and knowledge and ability to teach, these are usually the very same parents whose kids don?t have even the most basic manners and boundaries. Children are people, they deserve a measure of respect!
Ok, so the reason I am fired up about this is b/c we went out for dinner last night with DH?s family (MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and their kids W [4 1/2 yo] and B [2 yo]). To say that I have a strong opinion about the way they raise their kids is a huge understatement. I think they do a piss poor job, if I?m being honest. They have these unrealistic expectations of their kids, but at the same time they are not at all proactive in helping their kids to learn how to behave, then blame the kids for not knowing better! So they bring them to the restaurant and expect them to just sit there quietly, they ? as usual ? didn?t bring anything to occupy the kids. All hell starts to break loose. I am clearly irritated (and embarrassed). Mom, as usual ignores it until it?s out of hand, then she flips out. Nice.
So, W is sitting there and SIL starts telling this story about a recent incident in which W had a spazity spaz. I *still* can?t figure out the point of rehashing the incident, other than for SIL to embarrass W. W hears her mom telling the story and asks her to stop. SIL ignores her. W repeatedly asks her to stop, SIL keeps talking, totally ignoring W (who is now getting a little upset and almost desperate to stop the telling). W gets up and actually puts her hand over SIL?s mouth *twice* begging her to stop. SIL yanks her hand away and is determined to finish the story. In the meantime, we?re all sitting there in shock at what is going down. W finally sits down in the chair beside me, grabs my hand in hers and starts quietly crying ? tragic. SIL sees it and keeps talking. When the story is done, FIL says that W is crying and upset at the story and then SIL plays the compassionate mother role?finally apologizing that W is upset, but not for her telling the story in the first place! Brutal, fine line but there is a distinction and I think SIL should have apologized for acting like a douchebag.
So the long and short of the tale was that SIL invited over friends and their 3 kids (not one kid was over the age of 2). W isn?t interested in playing with ?babies? so she went upstairs to play in her room. The kids followed. W didn?t want them in her room (she had just cleaned it herself and didn?t want them messing it up) and didn?t want them playing with her toys. SIL gives W a time-out b/c she needs to learn to share. WTF?! W is put in time-out in SIL?s bedroom and proceeds to meltdown and pull all the blankets off the bed. SIL feels W?s behaviour is ?unacceptable?. SIL was so righteous about it I was in shock.
Not one to keep my opinions to myself, I tell her that I certainly wouldn?t appreciate a bunch of people just taking over and messing up something I had just cleaned. I asked her if she thought it was ok for a group of her adult friends to come over and hang out in *her* bedroom, making a mess and using all her stuff. She looked mad. I went on to say that I doubted that any adult would ?share? to the extent that we expect kids to, and that I might have a spaz of my own if someone attempted to punish me for standing up for my own privacy. I said that kids generally learn these types of lessons very easily when they spend time with other kids. Rules are established, they ?get it?. They don?t need adults to shove it down their throats. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous.
Flame away?
Re: I don't get why grown-ups do this...
My only flame might be for not telling SIL you aren't interested in hearing a story W obviously doesn't want told and is getting upset by.
Otherwise I 100% agree with you. I'm sure the little girl appreciated hearing not everyone thinks she was being a brat.
I agree. In hindsight I should have said something. I suppose I've just learned not to bother, she doesn't listen anyway. My bad
I agree with you completely. That would be a very uncomfortable situation to be in. I would of felt horrible for W.
It's not that bad, it's just the only possible flammable thing you did. At least you said SOMETHING. So W does know one person (an adult) doesn't think she was wrong.