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Growing apart from friends? (long, sorry)
Have you guys experienced this? I have my group of girlfriends from college that were all my bridesmaids, so we were very close for a while. There are 6 of us. Only one other one is married, and no one is anywhere close to having kids.
I feel like I don't really have much in common with them anymore - they are still going out drinking, some of them are single so they are interested in meeting guys, and they hang out with each other all the time because they are single or non-married girls living on their own (two of them are roommates, actually). Except the one married one, but - bless her heart -she still has it in her to party like a rockstar (sans hubby a lot of the time), which I can't even fathom anymore (the rockstar part, not the sans hubby part)! I honestly don't know how she does it - or how any of them do it at our age! The few times I have gone out with them recently, I am ready for bed by 11:00, and they stay out till 3 or 4am!
I am already at a disadvantage because I work in Westchester and they all work in the city, so they get together for happy hour and stuff that I could never make even if I tried. And with my crazy schedule, i don't have the time to go out for drinks and spend my weekend recuperating anymore. My weekends are busier than my weeks (but hopefully that will slow down now that I am pg!)
I have other friends I hang out with more regularly, and I am starting to feel like I have more in common with them (one has a baby, one has kids and another is pg right now too - although the rest of them don't have kids, it just shows the different dynamic of the group).
And then I look at my mom and her friends - her best friends are the moms of girls I was friends with when I was little. I'm not still close with those girls, but our moms have remained really close over the years. So, when I compare myself, I wonder if that is what is going to happen to me - will I make new friends as I start a different stage in my life?
I am sad that I am drifting apart my my group of collge friends - especially since I seem to be the only one drifting away. But it has seemed like more and more of an effort to stay in touch because nothing we are doing would "naturally" bring us together to hang out, if that makes any sense. Not that i don't want to hang out with them - I love them, they are still important to me and I care for them, it's just different and not as natural as it used to be.
Has this happened to anyone else? Are you still friends with those people?
Re: Growing apart from friends? (long, sorry)
I've definitely had this happen! It's really only that I feel that way about one friend right now as opposed to a group of friends. We've been friends since grade school and were always really close. But she lives in maryland now, and it seems really hard to keep in touch with her. More and more, now when I do hang out with her or see her, I'm starting to feel a disconnect and this growing space between us.
It really sucks when this happens, but I think it's natural to meet new people and friends as you move through life. What you could always hope for is the time when these girls move past the drinking and crazy partying to 'settle' down more. It might be in several years - but I feel its important to be honest with yourself, what you like to do and not force yourself into activities that youre not into anymore. Would they be willing to meet for brunch/lunch on the weekends? maybe instead of going out to bars/clubs you could hang out with them that way.
I've been able to reconnect with certain friends from the past that I hadn't seen in years - and I think those kinds of relationships start out slow and you go from there. there's no rule in life that because you were friends with someone at one time period in your life, that you have to remain friends forever.
I am going through a similiar experience.
Most of my friends are not married, and many of them don't have jobs (they are still supported by their parents). Meanwhile I work 40 hours a week and am in class 6 hours a week, plus home work! I am a lot busier than they are and have more responsibilities.
When I do have time to hang out, like you, I am ready to go to sleep by 10 or 11pm!
A few of DH's friend's wives are more on my schedule, so I hang out with them from time to time, but I still don't feel completely close with one group over the other.
I'm hoping to meet some new ladies who are on the same page, the only problem is it is hard to meet new people when I'm so busy.
Kocal--I have definitely experienced this also with a couple co-workers, which I hence learned it's not always best to grow too close with people you work with for all the obvious reasons.
Both women are single, and looking for Mr. right, but one used to get upset with me that I didn't always go out to the bars, or hang out, while the other is closer to 40 and bitter, hating the world for her single situation. It's been hard, but I've made the decision to limit my time with potentially toxic girlfriends whose real MO is to carve out misery from my happiness, or the least bit of misfortunte I happen to mention.
But, like Liza said, it is a cycle and you'll find some friends are for a lifetime because even if they don't grow with you, they still take interest in your life, and will make the friendship work, and those are keepers for me!
Yup. Been there, done that. Sometimes we grow back together (right now I am having a resurgence of contact with several college friends) and sometimes we grow farther apart. It's natural. On the other hand, I have friends who I don't talk with all that often but when we do, or when we see each other, it's as if no time has passed. No one cares that it's been a year or whatever. There's no blame.
Life gets in the way. You have lots of priorities and sometimes every other person can't be number one. I sort of have this theory that I do my best to reach out to people, to make them know they are important. If they reach back out, it's great. If not, I don't really have time to worry about why they didn't or why I can't make it happen. Because I do my best.
Danielle, you are an insanely busy woman. How you even had time to brush your teeth is amazing. So, to juggle all your jobs and hobbies and marriage and babymaking and priest-talking... well, something has to give. You pick, you choose sometimes.