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family drama vent...long
So, As not to confuse anyone who may remember random things about me. I'm an only child but I have a half brother. I'm my mom's only child and my half brother that is my dad and stepmom's child. We were raised separately so we both consider ourselves only children. On to the drama...
My little brother graduated from HS in 2008 and went to a state college about 3 hours away from home that fall. Before college he was a decent clean cut kid. His major was golf management so that may give you an idea. During his first year he didn't go to class and partied a lot. He failed almost every class he took. I would talk to him. Brock would talk to him and my parents talked to him until they were blue in the face. After the school year ended, my parents took him out of school and he's been back at home since last summer.
He went to summer school at a local community college and failed his courses. At the end of the summer my dad was pissed and wouldn't let him drive his car since he didn't do well in school and didn't have a job. My stepmother went out and bought a new car for him. He finally found a job at a movie theater in September. In the fall he continued with school by taking online classes which he "accidentally" dropped before Thanksgiving. Around this time he also lost his job because he stopped showing up to work. According to him they changed his schedule and didn't tell him. At this time everyone was really mad at him but he would just promise to do better.
My dad tried to get him to join the army and pushed him to do it but he refused. Him and my dad starting having really bad arguments in the fall. Sometimes they turned physical. In early January my brother found a new job, enrolled back in classes and seemed more focused.
About a month ago my dad trashed my brother's room and told him he was mad at him for keeping it dirty. I have no idea why my dad would do this. My stepmother is beside herself. After they argued about the room my dad told him that he was giving my brother 30 days to move out. My brother is 19 years old with a job at the mall! He can't afford to move out. Since then he has been working and is in school so it didn't seem like there was any reason for him to be kicked out. Last night when my dad got home from work he went off on my brother and tried to hit him and physically remove him from the house. He picked up a chair and tried to throw it at him. He was going crazy. My stepmother tried to stop him and he pushed her down. She called the police. My brother ended up staying with a friend last night. I'm not sure what will happen next. I'm going to call my dad later. I have no idea what to say to him. I was so upset last night when my brother called to tell me what was going on and I'm still really upset. Brock offered to let him come move in with us (so sweet) but they live in MD and it wouldn't solve anything. I just wish there was something I could do. I am praying and I would like your thoughts and prayers. My little brother was being a stupid kid by messing up in school but I don't think he deserves to be treated like this by my dad. I also think my stepmother is codling him a little too much but I think my dad is going to the extreme and it isn't warranted. My dad isn't a perfect man and I had a lot of issues with him when I was 19 too but I feel like I don't even know him.....
Thanks soooo much for listening (i.e. reading this long azz post).....
Re: family drama vent...long
wow, that is the longest post ever....
3 drinks for getting through it...
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damn, i'm sorry you're going through all that right now. Is your dad maybe going through some other things in his life that could be contributing to this anger/behavior or is it just frustration?
Hopefully they can straighten things out!
This.
I would also get your daddies side of the story. Sounds like his momma needs to stop enabling him, maybe your dad has just had it. Either way I'm praying for them.
There was definitely some drug use in play. The green stuff if you get my drift. I don't think its anything bigger than that. I think he was just adjusting to getting some freedom. I think he didn't have it when he was at home and when he got away from home he couldn't control himself. I kind of did the same thing. I did A LOT of partying but I woke up when I had to leave my dream school to go to live at home and go to a local private college. I thought being back home would help him like it helped me. I still think he's working toward cleaning up his act with school because he's going to every class and bringing home good grades but my dad can't move forward.
I don't see him living with me as an option that will ever really happen. Besides, I'm not ready to raise a teenager! It was sweet of B to offer though.
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Ouch Kendra, that's tough for your brother. But as always, there are two sides of the story. I feel bad for your brother for the the pain and anguish that your dad has done to him, but in some way, maybe your dad was pushed to a limit as well. It can also be the only tool that he has to get his frustrations out: anger.
The only advice I can give is just be supportive of your brother and father, do what you can. But just hear both sides, don't take sides if needed. That just makes things worse. ***HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSS**
This- if it seems unlike your dad to react in such a strong way, I would bet there is something else that you haven't been told yet. Regardless, this is tough. Especially from a distance- I hope that your brother and dad can just resolve their issues and move forward, if there is nothing else happening behind the scenes. Good luck Kendra- I hope that it doesn't get any messier for you.
I know exactly what you are talking about and we are dealing with the same thing with DH's younger brother.
Actually younger sibling f' ups seems to be an epidemic right now. I'm so sorry you're going for this and i know it's so frustrating for you and your family.
There is probably a lot more going on with your brother than you'll find out, he might not ever share. Some pull away from discipline and others respond to it. He might act out more when pushed and when more is expected. We had to literally give up and it's so hard to do. We never really did, but we gave that impression.
It seemed to work better. It might not for you and there is so much going on, but sometimes reason doesn't work, it didn't for us, it made it worse which was the most frustrating thing in the world for me.
Good luck to you and your family and I hope he gets his head on straight.
I am so sorry! Family drama is NEVER easy no matter what kind. I wonder why your dad is being so hard on him? I agree that your step mom is coddling him and your father is going to the next extreme. You know prayer is very powerful. I think it's good you talk to you dad. Ask him why he being so extreme. Does he realize that he is pushing his only son away? He needs to give him direction and guidance. Voilence is never the answer.
I will keep your family in my T&P's.
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Physical is never ever good. I certainly don't know your dad. But I wonder if he's acting out because he just wants more for your brother. Men can't say how they feel they just act out like fools sometimes. I don't agree with anything he's done, but I do know that these tough guys are sometimes tough because they are soft on the inside. Maybe a little tenderness with your dad would help the whole situation. He probably can't talk to your brother so he's trying to use force to get the result he wants. A literal kick in the pants if you will. Maybe he'll talk about his feelings if you are on his side. He probably feels like no one is. Like the song goes, try a little tenderness.
I feel like your brother is probably confused by his parents reactions on top of everything else going on. His mom is coddling him and has dad is trying to force results. His parents aren't on the same page so he might not be sure what he's really supposed to do.
Hopefully your dad will be able to talk to you about it. Maybe they can sit down together and come up with a plan or checklist to get his life back on track? Every milestone earns him some sort of freedom or reward and then he feels like he's working towards a goal and he can see results.
It's kind of like saving money...Its more fun to spend money but its easier to save when you're saving for something specific. When you reach your goal you have a nice reward at the end that makes all your hard work worth it. Eventually it just becomes second nature and a way of life and you no longer have to struggle to save.